Phrases/correction
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Message de etudiantparis75 posté le 15-05-2017 à 16:21:04 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurai besoin d'aide sur la correction de quelques phrases. Par avance merci.
My name is M. X. I'm 24 years old. I am co-founder of the stat-up with Aurélien. I also have the status of Business Developer.
The company is a platform that connects individuals who want to buy luxury jewelry but do not have the budget that goes with jewelery owners who want to sell theirs.
Our Business Model is very simple: we carried out various calculations and decided to take a commission of 15% on each transaction made on the platform. This is a fixed commission. That does not vary according to the amount of the transaction.
The purpose of our appointment is to obtain funds. According to our future objectives, we wish to raise € 500,000 with a valuation of our Start-up to € 2 million.
Okay ! You offer us 1.5 million euros, so 30% dilution. We were expecting a little less but this is a good start to negotiating. It's still a nice proposal. Is not it Aurélien?
Yes with pleasure. We will send you this as soon as possible. If you have any questions do not hesitate to call us or send us an email.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-05-2017 16:32
Message de etudiantparis75 posté le 15-05-2017 à 16:21:04 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurai besoin d'aide sur la correction de quelques phrases. Par avance merci.
My name is M. X. I'm 24 years old. I am co-founder of the stat-up with Aurélien. I also have the status of Business Developer.
The company is a platform that connects individuals who want to buy luxury jewelry but do not have the budget that goes with jewelery owners who want to sell theirs.
Our Business Model is very simple: we carried out various calculations and decided to take a commission of 15% on each transaction made on the platform. This is a fixed commission. That does not vary according to the amount of the transaction.
The purpose of our appointment is to obtain funds. According to our future objectives, we wish to raise € 500,000 with a valuation of our Start-up to € 2 million.
Okay ! You offer us 1.5 million euros, so 30% dilution. We were expecting a little less but this is a good start to negotiating. It's still a nice proposal. Is not it Aurélien?
Yes with pleasure. We will send you this as soon as possible. If you have any questions do not hesitate to call us or send us an email.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-05-2017 16:32
Réponse : Phrases/correction de gerondif, postée le 15-05-2017 à 16:34:01 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu, suggestions en vert
My name is M. X. I'm 24 years old. I am the co-founder of the start-up with Aurélien. I also have the status of Business Developer.
The company is a platform that connects individuals who want (would like) to buy luxury jewelry but do not have the budget that goes with jewelery with owners who want to sell theirs.
Our Business Model (pourquoi ces majuscules?) is very simple: we carried out various calculations and decided to take a commission of 15% on each transaction made on the platform. This is a fixed commission. That(plutôt it) does not vary according to the amount of the transaction.
The purpose of our appointment is to obtain funds. According to our future objectives, we wish to raise € 500,000 (pourquoi metez-vous le signe € devant la somme comme les $ ?) with a valuation of our Start-up to € 2 million.
Okay ! You offer us 1.5 million euros, so 30% dilution(est-ce le bon terme ? Je ne suis pas financier). We were expecting a little less but this is a good starting point to negotiating. It's still a nice proposal. Is not it Aurélien?
Yes(ne va pas, il n'y a pas de question avant) with pleasure. We will send you this as soon as possible. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call us or send us an email.
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