Correction/lettre
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Message de electriiik posté le 23-04-2017 à 13:26:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en 2e et en anglais je dois faire une lettre à un ami pour lui raconter comment c'est passé mon voyage aux USA (immigrants fin XIXe début XXe) et ma nouvelle vie. Je l'ai donc fait mais j'aurais besoin si possible que quelqu'un vérifie mon travail (j'ai mi certaines chose entre crochets quand je ne suis vraiment pas sûr mais le reste aussi), que ce soit au niveau du vocabulaire/grammaire/syntaxe...
Merci beaucoup
Dear James,
Hello my friend, I’m writing this from New York City. First of all, as you know, I left Europe from Plymouth’s harbor as a steerage passenger. I was seasick all along the journey because the steerage conditions were very unpleasant and the ship was crowded but we finally arrived after approximately 3 weeks.
Before we landed, we saw the Statue of Liberty, everyone [everybody?] was moved, and we knew that the journey was over, it represented the start of our new life and a better world, it was also a symbol of liberty. I was like everyone, for me the statue of Liberty was very impressive and meaningful.
Secondly, we started the medical tests in Ellis Island. The first doctor checked if I had [je suis pas sur de la formulation] abnormalities but he let me go without chalk marks unlike some. On the contrary, the second doctor said that I had a disease, I didn’t remember the name but he said that it wasn’t very serious so they sent me to hospital, this moment was awkward [j’ai pas trouvé d’autre mot] because I saw few peoples who were sent back to their home country and I heard their cry but I left it two days after so I was really glad when I came out. Then the registration clerk questioned me about where I came from, my money and few basic questions. Here too I passed it easily [formulation?] and at this moment I felt free.
Finally, after these events [events??], the boat docked at the Hudson River and I was in New York City for the first time of my life, it seems nothing but it was the greatest moment of my life, I knew that I was fortunate because from this moment my life probably be better. However I realized that it wouldn’t be easy in the beginning, because I didn’t know this city and I felt lost and distraught
About my new life, I’m working on a factory with assembly-line production work [formulation?]. It’s an hard work, I have long day, I don’t earn a lot of money and I’m always exhausted but this is an honest job and I won’t stay at this work all my life, I’m already searching for a better job. Otherwise, the other immigrants are really nice and I meet a lot of people contrary to the American who seems not happy to see us arrive on their country [Formulation?]
My feelings have evolved compared to when I came here but now I’m really fulfilled and I know that it’s better than to live in Europa. . I hope you’ll receive my letter and maybe join me soon
With best wishes,
…
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-04-2017 14:20
Message de electriiik posté le 23-04-2017 à 13:26:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en 2e et en anglais je dois faire une lettre à un ami pour lui raconter comment c'est passé mon voyage aux USA (immigrants fin XIXe début XXe) et ma nouvelle vie. Je l'ai donc fait mais j'aurais besoin si possible que quelqu'un vérifie mon travail (j'ai mi certaines chose entre crochets quand je ne suis vraiment pas sûr mais le reste aussi), que ce soit au niveau du vocabulaire/grammaire/syntaxe...
Merci beaucoup
Dear James,
Hello my friend, I’m writing this from New York City. First of all, as you know, I left Europe from Plymouth’s harbor as a steerage passenger. I was seasick all along the journey because the steerage conditions were very unpleasant and the ship was crowded but we finally arrived after approximately 3 weeks.
Before we landed, we saw the Statue of Liberty, everyone [everybody?] was moved, and we knew that the journey was over, it represented the start of our new life and a better world, it was also a symbol of liberty. I was like everyone, for me the statue of Liberty was very impressive and meaningful.
Secondly, we started the medical tests in Ellis Island. The first doctor checked if I had [je suis pas sur de la formulation] abnormalities but he let me go without chalk marks unlike some. On the contrary, the second doctor said that I had a disease, I didn’t remember the name but he said that it wasn’t very serious so they sent me to hospital, this moment was awkward [j’ai pas trouvé d’autre mot] because I saw few peoples who were sent back to their home country and I heard their cry but I left it two days after so I was really glad when I came out. Then the registration clerk questioned me about where I came from, my money and few basic questions. Here too I passed it easily [formulation?] and at this moment I felt free.
Finally, after these events [events??], the boat docked at the Hudson River and I was in New York City for the first time of my life, it seems nothing but it was the greatest moment of my life, I knew that I was fortunate because from this moment my life probably be better. However I realized that it wouldn’t be easy in the beginning, because I didn’t know this city and I felt lost and distraught
About my new life, I’m working on a factory with assembly-line production work [formulation?]. It’s an hard work, I have long day, I don’t earn a lot of money and I’m always exhausted but this is an honest job and I won’t stay at this work all my life, I’m already searching for a better job. Otherwise, the other immigrants are really nice and I meet a lot of people contrary to the American who seems not happy to see us arrive on their country [Formulation?]
My feelings have evolved compared to when I came here but now I’m really fulfilled and I know that it’s better than to live in Europa. . I hope you’ll receive my letter and maybe join me soon
With best wishes,
…
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-04-2017 14:20
Réponse : Correction/lettre de laure95, postée le 23-04-2017 à 16:33:17 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- I’m writing this (letter)from New York City.
- everyone [everybody?]: ok pour l'un ou l'autre
- Secondly, we started (mettre le verbe passer)the medical tests in Ellis Island.
- this (à remplacer par that)moment was awkward
- few peoples : pas de s.
- I heard their (pas le bon mot)cry
- but I left it two days after: ?
- Here (à remplacer par there) too
- and at this moment: at THAT moment.
- Finally, after these (those pas these)events
- this moment
- my life probably (il manque un mot) be better.
- in (pas la bonne préposition)the beginning,
- because I didn’t know this (that)city
- I’m working on (pas la bonne préposition) a factory with assembly-line production work (enlever work)
- It’s an hard work (job), I have long day (pluriel)
- I won’t stay at this work: mal dit.
- the American (people) who seems (faute de conjugaison)not happy to see us arrive on (pas la bonne préposition)their country
-it’s better than to live (mettre le gérondif) in Europa
. - With (possessif) best wishes,
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