Spaces and exchanges aide-correction

Bonjour,
j'aurais besoin d'aide, d'avis et d'une correction en vue de la préparation pour mon oral de Bac en anglais sur les 4 notions. Je vous présente mon travail sur la notion de Spaces and exchanges.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide et vos conseils.

I'm going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information or many years, the ways to travel around the world have evolved, making travel easier thanks to ships, planes. That increased business exchanges, tourism and migration. Now, in a lot of countries, there are communities that come from another country and with another culture, and other religions have such a point there are neighborhoods for these communities. It creates multi-cultural countries. For example, London is the city where people live with the most different culture. We can ask ourselve if the multiculturalism is an asset or a burden in Britain? First we will see why this multiculturalism can be a good point for countries and in a second part we will studies why that can be a problem

Since the industrial revolution, crossing border have been easier than before. The number of immigrants in western society is increasing, especially in England. It has an impact on British culture: 200 languages are spoken in England. The United Kingdom is considered as a mix of all the different cultures that we can find in the world: there are Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis. This diversity of culture attracts a lot of multinational companies, which appreciate the diversity of hiring because of the linguistic variety of the staff.

The adaptation isn't the same way for all the immigrants. Some of them have been able to integrate into Western society Wester societies, whereas others are still torn apart between their native culture and they new living condition. We study this confrontation between the different immigrant's integration in "Culture clash" by Monica Ali. On the one hand, there is the Azad family with a couple and a daughter, that is well adapted to the European traditions, and on another hand, there is a couple, Chanu and Nanzeen, who don't speak English. When they learned that Azad daughter went to the pub and she dressed with a short skirt like European girls they saw a tragedy. But for Azad family the adaptation to the western values is a progress and to Mrs Azad the tragedy is that Bangladeshi women force westerners to accept their sari for example.
But this is not the case for all immigrants. For example, we studied a text called "Don't judge me". It's about two girls Rachel and Sahlah, Sahlah is an immigrant and has very religious parents and her future is chosen by them. Rachel can't understand that Sahlah could marry someone just because their parents chose to. But that is what Sahlah wants to do and Rachal as a good friend accept it.

In my opinion, western societies should adapt more to immigrants culture, and that immigrants should respect the occidental way of life too. If everybody makes an effort we can build a beautiful and powerfull multi-cultural country