Correction/ exposé
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection/ exposé
Message de camcam59 posté le 20-03-2017 à 21:00:15 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous
Je suis nouvelle et je dois dire que j'ai vraiment besoin de vous, je suis en 4e et je dois rédiger un exposé en anglais sur ma ville du futur.
Pourriez-vous jeter un coup d'œil s'il vous plait à mes fautes ?
Merci d'avance.
The smart city is going to see the day everywhere on the planet. It's aim is to create reproducible models of sustainable urban development. Here is a guided tour of our future city with zero environmentally impacts.
Sky view, we want our city looks like at giant garden. That is why, we will put in place the trend of the roof top gardening adopted by Americans people few years ago. Each building will cultivates its fruits and vegetables for a healthier lifestyle.
Water will cross the city. In first time for feed a lot of parks, roofs of building and green spaces and in a second time for move, people will can use electrics boats for move more sustainable in city.
Verticals farms will be implanted everywhere in the city, consisting of glass and solar pannels, it will not use energy.
A lot of things are done to protect the environment but we want to go further with a waste management system fairly unique. For control and avoid the display and the pollution caused by household waste.We want to create an underground recovery network that aspires and routes at 70 KM/H the waste to a treatment unit. We will can admire the decline of 90% of the pollution caused by the dust car, the heat generated by the movement of garbage will be injected in the heating system for surrounding buildings.On the surface, bins will serve as input to the sorting the system.For save our planet, for preserve our nature, for a best lifestyle, our project is perfect.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2017 22:09
Message de camcam59 posté le 20-03-2017 à 21:00:15 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous
Je suis nouvelle et je dois dire que j'ai vraiment besoin de vous, je suis en 4e et je dois rédiger un exposé en anglais sur ma ville du futur.
Pourriez-vous jeter un coup d'œil s'il vous plait à mes fautes ?
Merci d'avance.
The smart city is going to see the day everywhere on the planet. It's aim is to create reproducible models of sustainable urban development. Here is a guided tour of our future city with zero environmentally impacts.
Sky view, we want our city looks like at giant garden. That is why, we will put in place the trend of the roof top gardening adopted by Americans people few years ago. Each building will cultivates its fruits and vegetables for a healthier lifestyle.
Water will cross the city. In first time for feed a lot of parks, roofs of building and green spaces and in a second time for move, people will can use electrics boats for move more sustainable in city.
Verticals farms will be implanted everywhere in the city, consisting of glass and solar pannels, it will not use energy.
A lot of things are done to protect the environment but we want to go further with a waste management system fairly unique. For control and avoid the display and the pollution caused by household waste.We want to create an underground recovery network that aspires and routes at 70 KM/H the waste to a treatment unit. We will can admire the decline of 90% of the pollution caused by the dust car, the heat generated by the movement of garbage will be injected in the heating system for surrounding buildings.On the surface, bins will serve as input to the sorting the system.For save our planet, for preserve our nature, for a best lifestyle, our project is perfect.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2017 22:09
Réponse : Correction/ exposé de here4u, postée le 21-03-2017 à 14:18:22 (S | E)
Hello !
The smart city (is it what you want to call it?) is going to see the day everywhere on the planet. It's:ceci = it is; nous voulonsun adjectif possessif. aim is to create reproducible models of A sustainable urban development. Here is a guided tour of our future city with zero environmentally impacts.
Sky view, we want our city looks: proposition infinitive nécessaire like at giant garden. That is why, we will put in place the trend of the rooftop gardening adopted by Americans people X few years ago. Each building will cultivates
(futur = will + BSE VERBALE) its fruits and vegetables for a healthier lifestyle.Water will cross the city. In first time for feed?? (water?) a lot of parks, roofs of building and green spaces and in a second time for move???
, people will can can est auxiliaire modal ... il ne supporte pas le futur!) use electrics = an adjectiveboats for move more sustainable in XXX city.Verticals
farms will be implanted everywhere in the city, consisting of glass and solar pannels, it will not use (consume) energy.(but will produce a lot!)A lot of things are done to protect the environment but we want to go further with a waste management system fairly unique= mal placé : à mettre juste derrière ledéterminant . For control
and avoid the display and the pollution caused by household waste (Ceci n'est pas une phrase!).We want to create an underground recovery network that aspires= forme abstraite ! and routes XXX ici, mettre le complément! (at 70 KM/H=en fin de phrase. ) the waste to a treatment unit. We will can ; again? admire the decline of 90% of the pollution caused by the dust car= mot composé formé à l'envers?) , the heat generated by the movement of garbage will be injected in the heating system for surrounding buildings.On the surface, bins will serve as XX input to the sorting the system.For save our planet, for preserve our nature, for a best lifestyle, our project is perfect.it already exists in (and round) many a cities...
(adjectifs invariables; pour faire = to do; pas d'auxiliaire avec un modal qui en est déjà un!)Réponse : Correction/ exposé de delf2312, postée le 21-03-2017 à 16:27:20 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Il me semble qu'il y a énormément de vocabulaire compliqué dans cette présentation d'un niveau 4e... Tu as du passé beaucoup de temps avec le dictionnaire ou google traduction non ? Je dis cela car il y a des expressions un peu étrange du genre "the smart city is going to see the day", la ville intelligente verra le jour ? Mais je ne pense pas que "voir le jour" puisse se traduire mot à mot, je te conseille de trouver une autre expression. ;)
Aussi, vérifie bien les consignes données par ton ou ta professeur car quand on se sert uniquement d'internet, on a tendance à oublier qu'il y a avait des consignes précises à respecter et que tous les outils étaient dans le cahier !
Et en effet, "can" et "will" ne vont pas ensemble, tu ne peux pas mettre 2 "modaux" l'un a côté de l'autre. Tu vas donc devoir utiliser l'équivalent de "can", à savoir "be able to" et ça donnera : "we will be able to admire..."
Je te félicite quand même pour ton sérieux ! Bon courage.
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
