Rédaction/ passé
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Message de kawaikn posté le 28-01-2017 à 14:51:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je suis une élève de Terminale, et j'aimerai de l'aide par rapport à un devoir maison que je dois rentre lundi.
Nous avons étudié les reines d'Angleterre et nous nous intéressons maintenant à la relation qu'entretenait Queen Victoria et Abdul Karim.
Le sujet est le suivant : "Queen Victoria has just died. Write the story from Abdul's point of view (300 words)"
Je dois écrire le texte au passé (present perfect + prétérit), mais je ne suis vraiment pas sûre de ce que j'ai écrit. Si quelqu'un pouvait me corriger et/ou m'expliquer les fautes que j'ai commise, ce serait génial !
Merci d'avance
Voici mon texte :
Deep realisation swept through me in sharp waves of pain, and my heart pounded in my chest. It was hard for me to accept My Queen's death. She was never going to be out of my thoughts.
Memories of her flooded my mind. Our discussions were the thing I was going to miss the most. They were wide-ranging. We used to talk about philosophy, politics... My head and my heart were engaged. I have learned a lot from her, and this experience of cultural diversity was a source of mutual enrichment. I taught her my culture and my language, and she taught me hers. She confided to me that she never came into real contact before, and she didn't have other real good friend. I guessed I had crossed a barrier the household had.
There was a time when I was dispirited, unhappy with my job of waiter, and I wanted to return to my homeland. To my surprise, she asked me to stay, and told me she will recommend me for a post. She never broke her words. Eventually, My Queen made me her official Munshi. It was a day I will never forget, and I remembered praying for the long life and happiness of Her Majesty.
The worst thing though was the emptiness she left behind, and, in that moment of loss, my world collapsed. I didn't know how to express my grief to the family and around all those people who had never wanted me. Her Majesty accepted me the way I was. Now, I have to deal with King Edward's scorn. It was like he just wanted to erase the relationship the Queen and I had.
In this day of sorrow, I just wanted to return to India. Without my Queen I was defenceless and alone. There's nothing left for me to do here, now that she was gone. I just keep in mind all the positive memories, and this time spent in the Windsor Castle would stay the most overjoyed and delightful moments of my entire life.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2017 15:23
Message de kawaikn posté le 28-01-2017 à 14:51:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je suis une élève de Terminale, et j'aimerai de l'aide par rapport à un devoir maison que je dois rentre lundi.
Nous avons étudié les reines d'Angleterre et nous nous intéressons maintenant à la relation qu'entretenait Queen Victoria et Abdul Karim.
Le sujet est le suivant : "Queen Victoria has just died. Write the story from Abdul's point of view (300 words)"
Je dois écrire le texte au passé (present perfect + prétérit), mais je ne suis vraiment pas sûre de ce que j'ai écrit. Si quelqu'un pouvait me corriger et/ou m'expliquer les fautes que j'ai commise, ce serait génial !
Merci d'avance
Voici mon texte :
Deep realisation swept through me in sharp waves of pain, and my heart pounded in my chest. It was hard for me to accept My Queen's death. She was never going to be out of my thoughts.
Memories of her flooded my mind. Our discussions were the thing I was going to miss the most. They were wide-ranging. We used to talk about philosophy, politics... My head and my heart were engaged. I have learned a lot from her, and this experience of cultural diversity was a source of mutual enrichment. I taught her my culture and my language, and she taught me hers. She confided to me that she never came into real contact before, and she didn't have other real good friend. I guessed I had crossed a barrier the household had.
There was a time when I was dispirited, unhappy with my job of waiter, and I wanted to return to my homeland. To my surprise, she asked me to stay, and told me she will recommend me for a post. She never broke her words. Eventually, My Queen made me her official Munshi. It was a day I will never forget, and I remembered praying for the long life and happiness of Her Majesty.
The worst thing though was the emptiness she left behind, and, in that moment of loss, my world collapsed. I didn't know how to express my grief to the family and around all those people who had never wanted me. Her Majesty accepted me the way I was. Now, I have to deal with King Edward's scorn. It was like he just wanted to erase the relationship the Queen and I had.
In this day of sorrow, I just wanted to return to India. Without my Queen I was defenceless and alone. There's nothing left for me to do here, now that she was gone. I just keep in mind all the positive memories, and this time spent in the Windsor Castle would stay the most overjoyed and delightful moments of my entire life.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2017 15:23
Réponse : Rédaction/ passé de here4u, postée le 29-01-2017 à 21:51:52 (S | E)
Hello !
An interesting topic!
Deep realisation swept through me in sharp waves of pain, and my heart pounded in my chest. It was hard for me to accept My Queen's death. She was never going to be out of my thoughts.
Memories of her flooded my mind. Our discussions were the thing I was going to miss= clumsy! the most. They were wide-ranging. We used to talk about philosophy, politics... My head and my heart were engaged. I have learned (with Quuen Victoria as a teacher, use British English ...
)a lot from her, and this experience of cultural diversity was a source of mutual enrichment. I taught her my culture and my language, and she taught me hers. She confided to me that she never came into real contact before ??? not clear at all, and she didn't have other real good friend. I guessed I had crossed a barrier the household had. (not clear either...)There was a time when I was dispirited, unhappy with my job of AS A waiter? NO!, and I wanted to return to my homeland. To my surprise, she asked me to stay, and told me she will recommend me for a post. She never broke her words. Eventually, My Queen made me her official Munshi. It was a day I will never forget, and I remembered praying for the long life and happiness of Her Majesty.
The worst thing though was the emptiness she left behind, and, in that moment of loss, my world collapsed. I didn't know how to express my grief to the family and around all those people who had never wanted me. Her Majesty accepted me the way I was. Now, I have to deal with King Edward's scorn. It was like he just wanted to erase the relationship the Queen and I had.(used to have/ had had)
In this day of sorrow, I just wanted to return to India. Without my Queen I was defenceless and alone (and lonely too...). There's nothing left for me to do here, now that she was gone. I just keep in mind all the positive memories, and this time spent in the Windsor Castle would stay the most overjoyed and delightful moments of my entire life.
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