Correction/oral progress
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Message de camillegnu posté le 08-01-2017 à 15:48:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
pouvez-vous corriger cet oral s'il vous plait? (et pourquoi pas simplifier les phrases si cela vous chante).
Merci d'avance, bonne journée!
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. Foremost, I would like to give you a definition of this notion : Progress is a positive evolution that can vary according to time and events. There is scientific progress, social, political, technical, intellectual etc. However, the idea of progress is still debate between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful. So, it is interesting to wonder : To what extent does progress have an impact on our society ? We will see that progress can be detrimental particularly at the level of environment, but it can be essential to evolve.
First of all, our society is a consumer society. Indeed, we always want to buy a new device, a new car or a new clothes. We can talk about perceived obsolescence, that is to say that companies make advertisements in order to attract buyers. On these advertisements, sometimes misleading, the products are highlighted to make us want to buy. There is also the fashion effect that makes us want to buy new things without necessarily needing it. Perceived obsolescence created over consumption that makes us get rid of things that still working just because they are no longer in fashion. More, there is planned obsolescence which benefits to companies. It is the fact a device has a limited lifespan required by companies for consumers to buy again and again. In addition, if we want to fix the device, it is not possible because often the parts that we want to change no longer exist. In this situation, the consumer is obliged to buy because he can not do otherwise. Did not exist several years ago, for example, my grandmother had a washing machine that worked for about thirty years, while now, a washing machine works around 5 years. This consumer society created electronic waste, otherwise called e-waste. These objects from developed countries are sent to developing countries to be burnt. Europe produce between 8 and 9 million metric tons of e-waste every year. This brings out the inequalities produced by progress because the developed countries have more and more money, and the developing countries have less and less. Furthermore, in addition to endangering the people who burn e-waste, the environment is also affected by this over consumption. It is also a cause of global warming and destruction of the ozone layer. Also, the technological progress with social networks has changed the relationship between people. Indeed, social networks are a good way to speak without being directly confronted to one’s interlocutor, and communication face-to-face decreases. As we can see in a picture called “I forgot my phone”, when we haven’t our phone, we are alone because everybody is constantly on his phone. Some young people are even qualified as tech addicts. Moreover, robots are created to improve production but it is sometimes so evolved that it replaces the man so thus removing jobs. And, jobs are also suppressed or questioned, for example that of photographer or journalist with the appearance of the social network Instagram.
In one hand, progress causes problems, but in other hand, it can also be beneficial to society.
First, progress has allowed a not negligible evolution at different levels. Indeed, today we can communicate all around the world. For instance, I am currently in contact with a Brazilian friend, the evolution at the level of the communication allows us to communicate in instantaneous which is much more practical than waiting for a letter. Moreover, there have been many developments in transport such as airplanes or trains, allowing the different countries to send and receive goods and services or simply to travel. We can see also that progress is used to try to save the environment, as we can see with electronic car. Moreover, the development of new products and technologies which allows them, thanks to the benefit they make, to enrich them and enrich their country. They produce faster and in greater quantity. Also, we notice a social progress between men and women. In fact, women as Emmeline Pankhurst who created Women’s Social and Political Union, have fought, especially in England to obtain the right to vote and the end of inequalities between men and women. These inequalities are denounced, especially in a document called "Suffragists or Suffragettes ?" in which we see women as mother, nurse, doctor etc. while men are drunkard, lunatic etc. They were called Suffragettes, and, although all inequalities have not been resolved, they got the right to vote for women over 30 years-old in 1918.
To finish, we can say that progress s a concept that can have advantages as disadvantages. Infact, with the transport for example, we can exchange with others countries, but we can also transmit diseases. It is therefore difficult to resist progress because of what it brings us, but on some points it would be more reasonable to exercise restraint, or to use the progress to make it less harmful. Finally, we can take the example of the Amish, a community about 250000 (two hundred fifty thousand) who went to the USA (in Ohio, Ontario, Pennsylvania or Indiana) in order to be free to practise their own religion (protestantism) without progress, they must live without phone, electricity etc. And, they refuse modern medicine what caused the death of a baby called Isaac as we can see in a document from Spectrum Magazine of 1989. The existence of these persons is proof that progress is not vital, that we can benefit from it but in moderation.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2017 18:25
Message de camillegnu posté le 08-01-2017 à 15:48:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
pouvez-vous corriger cet oral s'il vous plait? (et pourquoi pas simplifier les phrases si cela vous chante).
Merci d'avance, bonne journée!
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. Foremost, I would like to give you a definition of this notion : Progress is a positive evolution that can vary according to time and events. There is scientific progress, social, political, technical, intellectual etc. However, the idea of progress is still debate between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful. So, it is interesting to wonder : To what extent does progress have an impact on our society ? We will see that progress can be detrimental particularly at the level of environment, but it can be essential to evolve.
First of all, our society is a consumer society. Indeed, we always want to buy a new device, a new car or a new clothes. We can talk about perceived obsolescence, that is to say that companies make advertisements in order to attract buyers. On these advertisements, sometimes misleading, the products are highlighted to make us want to buy. There is also the fashion effect that makes us want to buy new things without necessarily needing it. Perceived obsolescence created over consumption that makes us get rid of things that still working just because they are no longer in fashion. More, there is planned obsolescence which benefits to companies. It is the fact a device has a limited lifespan required by companies for consumers to buy again and again. In addition, if we want to fix the device, it is not possible because often the parts that we want to change no longer exist. In this situation, the consumer is obliged to buy because he can not do otherwise. Did not exist several years ago, for example, my grandmother had a washing machine that worked for about thirty years, while now, a washing machine works around 5 years. This consumer society created electronic waste, otherwise called e-waste. These objects from developed countries are sent to developing countries to be burnt. Europe produce between 8 and 9 million metric tons of e-waste every year. This brings out the inequalities produced by progress because the developed countries have more and more money, and the developing countries have less and less. Furthermore, in addition to endangering the people who burn e-waste, the environment is also affected by this over consumption. It is also a cause of global warming and destruction of the ozone layer. Also, the technological progress with social networks has changed the relationship between people. Indeed, social networks are a good way to speak without being directly confronted to one’s interlocutor, and communication face-to-face decreases. As we can see in a picture called “I forgot my phone”, when we haven’t our phone, we are alone because everybody is constantly on his phone. Some young people are even qualified as tech addicts. Moreover, robots are created to improve production but it is sometimes so evolved that it replaces the man so thus removing jobs. And, jobs are also suppressed or questioned, for example that of photographer or journalist with the appearance of the social network Instagram.
In one hand, progress causes problems, but in other hand, it can also be beneficial to society.
First, progress has allowed a not negligible evolution at different levels. Indeed, today we can communicate all around the world. For instance, I am currently in contact with a Brazilian friend, the evolution at the level of the communication allows us to communicate in instantaneous which is much more practical than waiting for a letter. Moreover, there have been many developments in transport such as airplanes or trains, allowing the different countries to send and receive goods and services or simply to travel. We can see also that progress is used to try to save the environment, as we can see with electronic car. Moreover, the development of new products and technologies which allows them, thanks to the benefit they make, to enrich them and enrich their country. They produce faster and in greater quantity. Also, we notice a social progress between men and women. In fact, women as Emmeline Pankhurst who created Women’s Social and Political Union, have fought, especially in England to obtain the right to vote and the end of inequalities between men and women. These inequalities are denounced, especially in a document called "Suffragists or Suffragettes ?" in which we see women as mother, nurse, doctor etc. while men are drunkard, lunatic etc. They were called Suffragettes, and, although all inequalities have not been resolved, they got the right to vote for women over 30 years-old in 1918.
To finish, we can say that progress s a concept that can have advantages as disadvantages. Infact, with the transport for example, we can exchange with others countries, but we can also transmit diseases. It is therefore difficult to resist progress because of what it brings us, but on some points it would be more reasonable to exercise restraint, or to use the progress to make it less harmful. Finally, we can take the example of the Amish, a community about 250000 (two hundred fifty thousand) who went to the USA (in Ohio, Ontario, Pennsylvania or Indiana) in order to be free to practise their own religion (protestantism) without progress, they must live without phone, electricity etc. And, they refuse modern medicine what caused the death of a baby called Isaac as we can see in a document from Spectrum Magazine of 1989. The existence of these persons is proof that progress is not vital, that we can benefit from it but in moderation.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2017 18:25
Réponse : Correction/oral progress de laure95, postée le 09-01-2017 à 17:37:02 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- There is scientific progress, social, political, technical, intellectual: ordre des mots.
- the idea of progress is still debate: is + participe passé.
-a new clothes: A + SINGULIER.
- Perceived obsolescence (has) created over consumption
- things that still working: temps?
- It is the fact (that)a device has a limited lifespan
- he can not do otherwise: anything else plutôt que otherwise.
- (sujet?) Did not exist several years ago,
- This consumer society (has)created electronic waste,
- Europe produce (faute de conjugaison)
- Furthermore (à enlever), in addition to endangering
- Also,(pas en début de phrase) the technological progress with social networks has changed the relationship between people.
- As we can see in (pas la bonne préposition)a picture
- everybody is constantly on his (or her)phone.
- it is (pluriel)sometimes so evolved that it replaces (pluriel)the man (pluriel)so thus removing jobs.
- In one hand: on the one hand.
- but in other hand: on the other hand.
- it can also be beneficial to (the)society.
- We can see also (pas à la bonne place)
- (the)electronic car.
- Also, we notice
- we (can) see women as (a)mother, (a)nurse, (a)doctor etc.
- To finish: to conclude.
- Infact: en 2 mots.
-others (pas au pluriel)countries,
-a community about 250000 (two hundred fifty thousand): ?,
- The existence of these persons is (the) proof that progress is not vital, that we can benefit from it but in (with pas in)moderation.
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