Idée de progrès/notion
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Message de jadee55 posté le 03-12-2016 à 12:14:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger cette partie de ma notion sur idée de progrès.
Je vous remercie beaucoup et je vous souhaite une bonne journée.
On the first part, I would like introduce the technological progress. The technological progress in the multimedia and computer science area significantly increased. We can talk about Advances in global communications networks which facilitating the exchange of information. In fact, 30 years ago, Steve jobs created the first personal computer. It was a success. It is also the precursor of tablets and computer. Today Internet and multimedia and high tech are an integral part of our daily. Mina Survese, stress this fact with his article « wonderful internet » on her website. She explains that tanks to news technologies like internet, networks, and communication applications like skype or also les e mails; we can have a better life. For instance, when families are separated with long distances, it is possible to see or to speak together when you want. In consequences, there is no likelihood for grands parents to miss the special moments like the baby’s first step or words. Indeed, we can record, film or share everything. In this way, we claim that Steve jobs permitted to improve the condition of life for billions people and families. We can also take the case of Liz, young generous and reckless women who used the internet power to mobilize the solidarity of his friends or family for the purpose of raise funds. These funds permitted to buy a house to his poor friends. Thus, internet bring families closer, mobilize and save people, it makes great things. But technological progress won’t stop here. For instance ingeneers expand the robotic. We can mention the robot clean allows to clean at all the times. It is a bigger advance in the Daily. Finally, the public transit is improved with the development of automatics cars like taxi with taxis without driver which are tested in Singapore. This all things assisting us in daily and tanks to them, we can save time. People have to give priority to specific moments.
Nevertheless, the long trip of progress doesn’t stop here. Indeed we can conjure the social progress, with the
The fight for women's suffrage, or the right to vote, was the major issue for American feminists in the last half of the 18 th century with the National American Woman Suffrage Association. Then, with the fight for women's suffrage, the nineteens amendment is voted the 10th January 1918 in the House of Representatives and the 4th, june 1919 in the US senate. Finally the 19 th century symbolizes a social powerful. The 19th century shows a powerful scientist with the striking example conquest of moon. We can quote the harrison Schimidt an astronauts of the apollo 17, throughout the 40 years old of the Apollo XVII mission. He evoks the lunar conquest and the scientist progress with fuses or materials. The president Bush put forward a new mission for the conquest lunar but Barack Obama refused. Indeed, the american economiy recovering slowly. So for, spend money to go back on the moon is not a priority. The technological, scientists and economic progress appears linked. Nevertheless, can we say that this progress have always advantages. What are the solutions to overcome these disadvantages ?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-12-2016 14:03
Message de jadee55 posté le 03-12-2016 à 12:14:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger cette partie de ma notion sur idée de progrès.
Je vous remercie beaucoup et je vous souhaite une bonne journée.
On the first part, I would like introduce the technological progress. The technological progress in the multimedia and computer science area significantly increased. We can talk about Advances in global communications networks which facilitating the exchange of information. In fact, 30 years ago, Steve jobs created the first personal computer. It was a success. It is also the precursor of tablets and computer. Today Internet and multimedia and high tech are an integral part of our daily. Mina Survese, stress this fact with his article « wonderful internet » on her website. She explains that tanks to news technologies like internet, networks, and communication applications like skype or also les e mails; we can have a better life. For instance, when families are separated with long distances, it is possible to see or to speak together when you want. In consequences, there is no likelihood for grands parents to miss the special moments like the baby’s first step or words. Indeed, we can record, film or share everything. In this way, we claim that Steve jobs permitted to improve the condition of life for billions people and families. We can also take the case of Liz, young generous and reckless women who used the internet power to mobilize the solidarity of his friends or family for the purpose of raise funds. These funds permitted to buy a house to his poor friends. Thus, internet bring families closer, mobilize and save people, it makes great things. But technological progress won’t stop here. For instance ingeneers expand the robotic. We can mention the robot clean allows to clean at all the times. It is a bigger advance in the Daily. Finally, the public transit is improved with the development of automatics cars like taxi with taxis without driver which are tested in Singapore. This all things assisting us in daily and tanks to them, we can save time. People have to give priority to specific moments.
Nevertheless, the long trip of progress doesn’t stop here. Indeed we can conjure the social progress, with the
The fight for women's suffrage, or the right to vote, was the major issue for American feminists in the last half of the 18 th century with the National American Woman Suffrage Association. Then, with the fight for women's suffrage, the nineteens amendment is voted the 10th January 1918 in the House of Representatives and the 4th, june 1919 in the US senate. Finally the 19 th century symbolizes a social powerful. The 19th century shows a powerful scientist with the striking example conquest of moon. We can quote the harrison Schimidt an astronauts of the apollo 17, throughout the 40 years old of the Apollo XVII mission. He evoks the lunar conquest and the scientist progress with fuses or materials. The president Bush put forward a new mission for the conquest lunar but Barack Obama refused. Indeed, the american economiy recovering slowly. So for, spend money to go back on the moon is not a priority. The technological, scientists and economic progress appears linked. Nevertheless, can we say that this progress have always advantages. What are the solutions to overcome these disadvantages ?
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-12-2016 14:03
Réponse : Idée de progrès/notion de laure95, postée le 04-12-2016 à 10:09:25 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- On (pas la bonne préposition)the first part, I would like (préposition) introduce the (enlever the)technological progress.
-The (enlever the)technological progress in the multimedia and computer science area significantly increased: mettre au présent perfect (bilan)
- We can talk about (article)Advances in global communications (pas de "s")networks which facilitating (temps?)
- It (que remplace IT?)is also the precursor of tablets and computer (pluriel).
- Today Internet and (enlever ce and)multimedia and high tech are an integral part of our daily (daily quoi?).
- Mina Survese, stress (faute de conjugaison) this fact with his (pas le bon possessif)article « wonderful internet » on her website. -- tanks to
- news (pas de "s")technologies
- les e mails;
- to speak together: to speak to each other.
- In conséquences: as a consequence
- grands (pas de "s") parents
- the baby’s first step (pluriel) or words.
-we can record, film (pluriel)
- Steve jobs permitted (present perfect) to improve the condition (pluriel)of life for billions(of)people and families.
- (article)young generous and reckless women (singulier)
- the solidarity of his (pas le bon possessif) friends or family for the purpose of raise (gérondif)funds.
- his poor friends.
- Thus, internet bring (faute de conjugaison)
- mobilize and save people: même remarque.
- ingeneers
- expand (présent en be+-ing)the robotic.
- We can mention the robot clean (that) allows to clean at (enlever at) all the times (pas de "s").
- It is a bigger advance in the Daily: ?
- automatics (pas de "s")cars like taxi (pluriel)
- This (mettre au pluriel)all things
- tanks to
- the long trip (pas le bon mot ici)of progress doesn’t (futur)stop here
- The fight for women's suffrage, or the right to vote,(that) was (pluriel)the major issue
- the nineteens
- amendment is (é)passvoted the (pas de the mais une préposition)10th January 1918
- the 4th,
- Finally the 19 th century symbolizes (passé)a social powerful
. - The 19th century shows (passé) a powerful scientist
- with the striking example (of the)conquest of (article) moon.
- We can quote the (pas de the) harrison Schimidt an astronauts (singulier)of the (pas de the)apollo 17,
- He evoks: orthographe) the lunar conquest and the scientist (pas le bon mot) progress with fuses or materials.
- The (pas de the)president Bush put forward a new mission for the conquest lunar (ordre des mots)
- Indeed, the american (majuscule)economiy recovering (temps?)slowly.
-So for (pas la bonne préposition) spend money
- The technological, scientists (pas le bon mot) and economic progress appears (faute de conjugaison)(to be)linked.
- this progress have (faute de conjugaison)always (pas à la bonne place) advantages.
Réponse : Idée de progrès/notion de gerold, postée le 05-12-2016 à 11:21:50 (S | E)
Bonjour Jade
quelques remarques en complément de celles de Laure95:
Supprimez la virgule après Mina Survese; Steve jobs: c`est un nom propre, donc majuscule; reckless: imprudent, irréfléchi: est-ce vraiment ce que vous voulez dire? harrison (majuscule) Schmidt (orthographe); le combat des "suffragettes", c`est la deuxième partie du 19ème siècle, et même le début du 20ème, et pas le 18ème, et la conquête de la lune, c`est le 20ème siècle, pas le 19ème; throughout the 40 years old of the Apollo XVII mission: ce n`est pas clair; economiy: orthographe. Il y a un problème de cohérence à la fin: What are the solutions to overcome these disadvantages? il faudrait d`abord dire quels sont les inconvénients en question.
Bonne journée
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