Devoir/ poème
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Message de stalyva posté le 02-11-2016 à 11:43:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
J'ai eu un devoir en anglais et c'était un poème sur la première guerre mondiale, je me demande si je n'ai pas fait d'erreurs, ou s'il y a des choses à modifier.
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide, et bonne journée
Voici le poème :
As an unusual gloomy light
Split the darkness of the night
It was like a signal
All of us will die as cattle
We entered a new world
The era of gun and sword
Where anger and violence
Replace fraternity and silence
Yet the battlefield as tentacular monsters
Has started to swallow the first brave soldiers
Trying to overcome my terror
I can see you my friend, the only survivor
Staring at the others with a smile, as you did before
After this bloody fight
They entered the eternal night
Though you are far, I can see you quiet and still
So quiet and so still, I started to shrill
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-11-2016 12:22
Message de stalyva posté le 02-11-2016 à 11:43:25 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
J'ai eu un devoir en anglais et c'était un poème sur la première guerre mondiale, je me demande si je n'ai pas fait d'erreurs, ou s'il y a des choses à modifier.
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide, et bonne journée
Voici le poème :
As an unusual gloomy light
Split the darkness of the night
It was like a signal
All of us will die as cattle
We entered a new world
The era of gun and sword
Where anger and violence
Replace fraternity and silence
Yet the battlefield as tentacular monsters
Has started to swallow the first brave soldiers
Trying to overcome my terror
I can see you my friend, the only survivor
Staring at the others with a smile, as you did before
After this bloody fight
They entered the eternal night
Though you are far, I can see you quiet and still
So quiet and so still, I started to shrill
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-11-2016 12:22
Réponse : Devoir/ poème de lucile83, postée le 02-11-2016 à 21:53:04 (S | E)
anyone? Réponse : Devoir/ poème de threni, postée le 05-11-2016 à 14:42:21 (S | E)
Hello,
The only thing not in the English language, or at least not in anything like common use, is the last verb, "shrill". I assume you intend shriek, or scream.
Réponse : Devoir/ poème de lucile83, postée le 05-11-2016 à 14:55:17 (S | E)
Hello,
The verb 'shrill' does exist ... Lien internet
Réponse : Devoir/ poème de threni, postée le 05-11-2016 à 17:18:31 (S | E)
Hello,
Thank you, it is useful for me to be aware of this. However, I allowed for the possibility that the word existed in my second clause. Such matters can, of course, be settled these days by pointing and clicking, whether one understands the language or not. This is at best a superficial way of discovering the proper word to use in a poem, of course, though poets like Sylvia Plath supposedly used a thesaurus. The use of "shrill" is récherché, and ludicrously at odds tonally with its context. It is one thing, if the collision of tone is intentional, quite another if, as I suspect is the case, the OP wanted to write a poem in idiom.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-11-2016 18:50
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