Oral/The Soldier

Oral/The Soldier
Message de kan70 posté le 16-05-2016 à 04:18:09 (S | E | F)
Hello!
Je vous envoie mon oral de Bac sur le thème de l'idée de progrès Mythes et héros. Je souhaiterais avoir une correction, s'il vous plaît. Au fur et à mesure des corrections apportées, je posterai le texte remanié.
Par avance, merci.

"A hero is a person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. The soldier is a symbol of the hero because of his bravour, determination and honour during the war. Indeed, he fights up to the death. Yet, he can represent himself the horror, the massacres and the destructions of war.
How does the soldier can be seen differently?

I would like to begin with three documents which give a heroic image of the soldier. In the document A, we read the tribute of London to WW1 soldiers. «London was plunged into darkness» to commmorate their sacrifice. A beam of light coming from Westminster was present as the symbol of hope.
The document B is the moving testimony of an English soldier who goes in ship from England to France during the WW1. He is homesick, hopeless, saying: «We weren't in England and we weren't in France.»
Finally, the document C is the gloomy description of a bombed village, through the eye of an horrified, who sees the wounded, the destructed streets and houses.

James Blunt, who served in army, sings the horror of war. He accuses God of not helping the population who is in pray to the slaughters. Moreover, soldiers are criticized for being cowards, massacring victims, bombing towns and bringing fear. The title of the song is clear: soldiers have «No bravery».

The soldier is traditionnaly seen as a hero who hasn't fear of death and who protects his country in hard conditions. But, he represents war also through its worst characteristics: bloodshed, massacres, despair, darkness. I think a soldier is necessarily brave, bold and helpful ; those who are depicted in the song of James Blunt wear simply military uniforms."


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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-05-2016 08:24

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Réponse: Oral/The Soldier de bluestar, postée le 16-05-2016 à 11:27:40 (S | E)
Bonjour...
"A hero is a person who is admired for their his courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. The soldier is a symbol of the hero because of his bravour (orth.), determination and honour during the war. Indeed, he fights up to the death. Yet, he can represent himself the horror, the massacres and the destructions of war.(sens pas clair)
How does the soldier can be seen differently? A reformuler: How can...

I would like to begin with three documents which give a heroic image of the soldier. In the document A, we read the tribute of London to WW1 soldiers. «London was plunged into darkness» to commmorate (orth.)their sacrifice. A beam of light coming from Westminster was present as the symbol of hope.
The Ddocument B is the moving testimony of an English soldier who goes in by ship from England to France during the WW1. He is homesick, hopeless, saying: «We weren't in England and we weren't in France.»
Finally, the document C is the gloomy description of a bombed village, through the eye of an horrified (ou est le nom?), who sees the wounded, the destructed streets and houses.

James Blunt, who served in.. (article).... army, sings of the horror of war. He accuses God of not helping the population who is in pray to the slaughters. Moreover, soldiers are criticized for being cowards, massacring victims, bombing towns and bringing fear. The title of the song is clear: soldiers have «No bravery».

The soldier is traditionnaly(or th.) seen as a hero who hasn't fear of death ('has no fear' est mieux) and who protects his country in hard conditions. But, he represents war also through its worst characteristics: bloodshed, massacres, despair, darkness. I think a soldier is necessarily brave, bold and helpful ; those who are depicted in the song of James Blunt wear simply (ordre des mots)military uniforms."

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Réponse: Oral/The Soldier de kan70, postée le 16-05-2016 à 13:18:53 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup Voici le texte corrigé.

"A hero is a person who is admired for his courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. The soldier is a symbol of the hero because of his bravery, determination and honour during the war. Indeed, he fights to the death. Yet, he can represent himself the horror, the massacres and the destructions of war for civilians.
How can the soldier be seen differently?

I would like to begin with three documents which give a heroic image of the soldier. In the document A, we read the tribute of London to WW1 soldiers. «London was plunged into darkness» to commemorate their sacrifice. A beam of light coming from Westminster was present as the symbol of hope.
Document B is the moving testimony of an English soldier who goes by ship from England to France during WW1. He is homesick, hopeless, saying: «We weren't in England and we weren't in France.»
Finally, document C is the gloomy description of a bombed village, through the eye of an horrified officer, who sees the wounded, the destroyed streets and houses.

James Blunt, who served in (je ne sais pas quoi changer) army, sings of the horror of war (Lien internet
WordReference n'indique pas de of après sing). He accuses God of not helping the population which is in pray to the slaughters. Moreover, soldiers are criticized for being cowards, massacring victims, bombing towns and bringing fear. The title of the song is clear: soldiers have «No bravery».

The soldier is traditio0nally seen as a hero who has no fear of death and who protects his country in hard conditions. But, he represents war also through its worst characteristics: bloodshed, massacres, despair, darkness. I think a soldier is necessarily brave, bold and helpful ; those who are depicted in the song of James Blunt simply wear military uniforms."

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Réponse: Oral/The Soldier de bluestar, postée le 16-05-2016 à 13:40:56 (S | E)
Bonjour..

"A hero is a person who is admired for his courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. The soldier is a symbol of the hero because of his bravery, determination and honour during the war. Indeed, he fights to the death. Yet, he can represent himself the horror, the massacres and the destructions (singulier) of war for civilians.
How can the soldier be seen differently?

I would like to begin with three documents which give a heroic image of the soldier. In the document A, we read the tribute of London to WW1 soldiers. «London was plunged into darkness» to commemorate their sacrifice. A beam of light coming from Westminster was presented as the symbol of hope.
Document B is the moving testimony of an English soldier who goes by ship from England to France during WW1. He is homesick, hopeless, saying: «We weren't in England and we weren't in France.»
Finally, document C is the a gloomy description of a bombed village, through the eye of an horrified officer, who sees the wounded, the destroyed streets and houses.

James Blunt, who served in (je ne sais pas quoi changer) the army, sings of(en ce cas 'of' = about, par exemple "I sing of arms and the man"..Virgil, Aeneid) the horror of war (Lien internet
WordReference n'indique pas de of après sing). He accuses God of not helping the population which is in pray to the slaughters (prey pas pray. Je dirais plutot: "which suffers..." etc). Moreover, soldiers are criticized for being cowards, massacring victims civilians, bombing towns and bringing fear. The title of the song is clear: soldiers have «No bravery».

The soldier is traditionally seen as a hero who has no fear of death and who protects his country in hard conditions. But, he represents war also through its worst characteristics: bloodshed, massacres, despair, darkness. I think a soldier is necessarily brave, bold and helpful ; those who are depicted in the song of James Blunt simply wear military uniforms."

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