Demande/ correction
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Message de eleve1999 posté le 03-01-2016 à 16:44:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je ne suis pas très forte en anglais et j'aimerais seulement que l'on me donne un petit coup de pouce sur mes fautes de rédaction et de grammaire.
Merci d'avance!
(Le sujet : the legacy of a heroe is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. Discuss about it)
First and foremost, it is important to underline what is a hero. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for their achievements,a super hero or maybe a role model or an icon. First off we shall see the actions of a leader of people. After that we shall see, the name: the witness of the actions.
At first sight, a hero is a hero with his action. Nelson Mandela is a good example of this. Indeed, he begun his actions by being anonymous. His actions who have left there mark on the fight against racism in South Africa. In the same way, we can talk about the Suffragette, is a movement for the right of vote to the women. They did dangerous actions for this fight. Now, without her, women couldn’t have the right of vote today. All these personalities or groups are hero.
As a result, their names are the witness of their actions..
Insofar as their actions have marked the history and always now, they’ve got a legacy. That is to say, today when someone is talking to you about Nelson Mandela, you know who he is and what he did, even if he died. That is the legacy of great name like said Benjamin Desraeli. Nowadays , Mandela is a famous example in the fight against racism and the segregation? We can say that he’s a reference.
All these personalities have a legacy for their actions. That is what the quote highlight.
All in all, I agree with this quote because I think that without them, our society would no have been the same. The legacy of Mandela is too the calmed South Africa. All these heroes deserved that legacy. We can put the quote from Christopher Reeve « A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength ton persevere and endured in spite of overwhelming obstacles » , in relation with Disraeli’s quote.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-01-2016 16:45
Message de eleve1999 posté le 03-01-2016 à 16:44:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je ne suis pas très forte en anglais et j'aimerais seulement que l'on me donne un petit coup de pouce sur mes fautes de rédaction et de grammaire.
Merci d'avance!
(Le sujet : the legacy of a heroe is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. Discuss about it)
First and foremost, it is important to underline what is a hero. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for their achievements,a super hero or maybe a role model or an icon. First off we shall see the actions of a leader of people. After that we shall see, the name: the witness of the actions.
At first sight, a hero is a hero with his action. Nelson Mandela is a good example of this. Indeed, he begun his actions by being anonymous. His actions who have left there mark on the fight against racism in South Africa. In the same way, we can talk about the Suffragette, is a movement for the right of vote to the women. They did dangerous actions for this fight. Now, without her, women couldn’t have the right of vote today. All these personalities or groups are hero.
As a result, their names are the witness of their actions..
Insofar as their actions have marked the history and always now, they’ve got a legacy. That is to say, today when someone is talking to you about Nelson Mandela, you know who he is and what he did, even if he died. That is the legacy of great name like said Benjamin Desraeli. Nowadays , Mandela is a famous example in the fight against racism and the segregation? We can say that he’s a reference.
All these personalities have a legacy for their actions. That is what the quote highlight.
All in all, I agree with this quote because I think that without them, our society would no have been the same. The legacy of Mandela is too the calmed South Africa. All these heroes deserved that legacy. We can put the quote from Christopher Reeve « A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength ton persevere and endured in spite of overwhelming obstacles » , in relation with Disraeli’s quote.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-01-2016 16:45
Réponse: Demande/ correction de gerondif, postée le 03-01-2016 à 23:40:46 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
votre texte n'est pas clair, même en corrigeant les erreurs de grammaire, pas sûr que la démonstration soit limpide:
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
(Le sujet : the legacy of a heroe is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. Discuss about it)
First and foremost, it is important to underline what is a hero(pas d'inversion au style indirect). A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for their(ne correspond pas à "a person") achievements,a super hero or maybe a role model or an icon. First off(first of all existe, mais first off ne veut rien dire) we shall (trop pompeux ici) see the actions of a leader of the people. After that we shall(will est plus courant) see the name: the witness of the actions.
At first sight, a hero is a hero with(plutôt grâce à ou à travers) his action. Nelson Mandela is a good example of this. Indeed, he begun(erreur de forme irrégulière) his actions by being anonymous. His actions who(actions n'est pas un être humain, who ne va pas) have left there (there = là-bas. their = leur) mark on the fight against racism in South Africa. In the same way, we can talk about the Suffragette,(ce mot est au pluriel, the Suffragettes), cete phrase n'a pas de sujet, commençant par is et ne veut donc rien dire) is a movement for the right of vote to(droit de vote pour les femmes, pas vers les femmes)
As a result, their names are the witness (pluriel) of their actions..
Insofar as their actions have marked the history and always now,(mauvais choix de "encore". always signifie continuellement alors que still signifie encore au sens de toujours, de plus on utiliserait ici l'auxiliaire du présent simple comme dans: I used to cycle to school when I was a teenager and I still do today) they’ve got a legacy. That is to say, today when someone is talking to you about Nelson Mandela, you know who he is and what he did, even if he died(même si si il est mort! ok mais quand vous dites he died , c'est un verbe d'action, comme si vous disiez, même si il poussa son dernier souffle. Vous voulez dire même si il est décédé, absent, un état et pas une action et il faudrait utiliser l'adjectif "mort". C'est la même différence que dans: the bridge exploded (verbe d'action) par rapport à: the bridge is destroyed, son état actuel.) That is the legacy of great names like said(bon, déjà like ne va pas pour dire comme, et puis said devrait venir derrière Disraeli, avec un i) Benjamin Desraeli. Nowadays , Mandela is a famous example in the fight against racism and the segregation? We can say that he’s a reference.
All these personalities have a legacy for their actions. That is what the quote highlight(le s du verbe au présent).
All in all, I agree with this quote because I think that without them, our society would not have been the same. The legacy of Mandela is too the calmed South Africa. All these heroes deserved that legacy. We can put the quote from Christopher Reeve « A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endured in spite of overwhelming obstacles » , in relation with Disraeli’s quote.
Je ne comprends pas grand chose à votre démonstration : le sujet était:
the legacy of a heroe is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example.
Ce que nous laisse, nous lègue, un héro, c'est le souvenir d'un grand nom et l'héritage d'un grand exemple. C'est à dire que si on entend "Albert Schweitzer", on pense au médecin qui est allé soigner les malades en Afrique et on a l'exemple du dévouement à autrui, on peut, en lisant sa biographie, avoir envie d'aller quelque temps en mission en Afrique aider une ONG par exemple.. Mais je ne comprends pas pourquoi leur nom est témoin "witness" de leur action. A la rigueur, il en est le symbole ou la preuve.
Curie évoque la lutte contre la rage et l'invention du vaccin, Barnard évoque la première greffe cardiaque, Flemming évoque la découverte de la pénicilline etc
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