Aide/devoir Seymour
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Message de florine55 posté le 07-03-2015 à 12:06:22 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
ma prof d'anglais nous a donné un devoir à faire pour le lundi 9 mars, le sujet étant: A month after his arrival in America, Seymour writes to his relatives in Poland to let them know about his trip to America & the way he was welcomed. He also voices his hopes, frustrations & regrets.
J'ai rédigé la première grande partie de ma lettre, pourriez-vous m'aider à la corriger ? Merci beaucoup !
Dear mother,
You don't have to worry anymore, we arrived safe in America, even if the trip was horrendous and the USA's front door difficult to open. We had a long voyage on "The Lapland". First, I was excited, as you know, it was the first time I had boarded a ship. But as we went along, this joy sounded wrong. Our room was so small you couldn't move at ease, there were about thirty bunks for such a narrow space. Dad and I had to sleep in the same bed. Moreover, there was a shelf above our heads. Dad hit it every mornings, it didn't make him laughing (as a consequence, I had to hold myself back from crying out of laugh !). The room was overcrowded so I used to get out and go up on deck to be on my own, breathing the sea air and thinking of my future new life. Several times, we hit storms. It was like the sea and its waves wanted to eat us. We finally survived and reached the beautiful statue of Liberty. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, despite the fact I was overjoyed, I was really weak, I had a cold, it was the worst disease I have ever had. Therefore, I was afraid of the medical inspection we had to pass on Ellis Island. Unfortunately, I was separated from Dad. He had to enter America while I was put on detention even if I begged to go with him. It was the longest days of my life: I had no toys to play with, I thought I became an orphan. In fact, I was terrified because I didn't know what was in store. Hopefully, the situation finally got back to normal: dad came fetch me. I was overwhelmed with joy: our American Dream has started.
When I arrived in New York, I felt so small compared to all the buildings and skyscrapers I could see around me.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-03-2015 13:10
Message de florine55 posté le 07-03-2015 à 12:06:22 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
ma prof d'anglais nous a donné un devoir à faire pour le lundi 9 mars, le sujet étant: A month after his arrival in America, Seymour writes to his relatives in Poland to let them know about his trip to America & the way he was welcomed. He also voices his hopes, frustrations & regrets.
J'ai rédigé la première grande partie de ma lettre, pourriez-vous m'aider à la corriger ? Merci beaucoup !
Dear mother,
You don't have to worry anymore, we arrived safe in America, even if the trip was horrendous and the USA's front door difficult to open. We had a long voyage on "The Lapland". First, I was excited, as you know, it was the first time I had boarded a ship. But as we went along, this joy sounded wrong. Our room was so small you couldn't move at ease, there were about thirty bunks for such a narrow space. Dad and I had to sleep in the same bed. Moreover, there was a shelf above our heads. Dad hit it every mornings, it didn't make him laughing (as a consequence, I had to hold myself back from crying out of laugh !). The room was overcrowded so I used to get out and go up on deck to be on my own, breathing the sea air and thinking of my future new life. Several times, we hit storms. It was like the sea and its waves wanted to eat us. We finally survived and reached the beautiful statue of Liberty. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, despite the fact I was overjoyed, I was really weak, I had a cold, it was the worst disease I have ever had. Therefore, I was afraid of the medical inspection we had to pass on Ellis Island. Unfortunately, I was separated from Dad. He had to enter America while I was put on detention even if I begged to go with him. It was the longest days of my life: I had no toys to play with, I thought I became an orphan. In fact, I was terrified because I didn't know what was in store. Hopefully, the situation finally got back to normal: dad came fetch me. I was overwhelmed with joy: our American Dream has started.
When I arrived in New York, I felt so small compared to all the buildings and skyscrapers I could see around me.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-03-2015 13:10
Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de lucile83, postée le 08-03-2015 à 10:22:58 (S | E)
Anyone? Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de here4u, postée le 08-03-2015 à 10:25:52 (S | E)
Hello!
Yes, lucile!
Coming... Just a minute... I didn't want to start on my tablet... 
Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de lucile83, postée le 08-03-2015 à 10:30:18 (S | E)
Hello here4u
That's kind of you !
Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de here4u, postée le 08-03-2015 à 10:37:21 (S | E)
Hello !
Dear mother, (Very unlikely! Ayoung child wouldn't write to her mother a whole month after her arrival!)
You don't have to worry anymore, we arrived safe in America, even if the trip was horrendous and the USA's front door(boff!) difficult to open. We had a long voyage on "The Lapland". First, I was excited, as you know, it was the first time I had boarded a ship.(TTB!) But as we went along, this joy sounded wrong. Our room(not the right word!) was so small you couldn't move at ease, there were about thirty bunks for such a narrow space.(If you travelled steerage, which is obviously the case ... you couldn't expect a 'room' or cabin! Your Dad should have explained that to you ...) Dad and I had to sleep in the same bed. Moreover, there was a shelf above our heads. Dad hit it every mornings, it didn't make him laughing (as a consequence, but I had to hold myself back from crying out of laugh !). The room was overcrowded so I used to get out (alone?Never!) and go up onXXXX deck to be on my own, breathing the sea air(you must have been cold and wet!) and thinking of my future new life. Several times, we hit storms. It was like the sea and its waves wanted to eat us. We finally survived and reached( a verb like 'apercevoir', 'entrevoir' would be better!) the beautiful statue of Liberty. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, despite the fact I was overjoyed, I was really weak, I had a cold, it was the worst disease I have ever had.(lucky you!) Therefore, I was afraid of the medical inspection we had to pass on Ellis Island. Unfortunately, I was separated from Dad. He had to enter America while I was put on detention even if I begged to go with him. It was the longest days of my life: I had no toys (??!) to play with, I thought I became(wrong tense) an orphan. In fact, I was terrified because I didn't know what was in store. Hopefully,(Thankfully) the situation finally got back to normal: dad came fetch me. I was overwhelmed with joy: our American Dream has started.
When I arrived in New York, I felt so small compared to all the buildings and skyscrapers I could see around me.
blue = wrong
xxxx = clumsy
XXXXX = missing elements!
Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de florine55, postée le 08-03-2015 à 12:09:58 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide here4u
J'ai essayé de bien tenir compte des erreurs que tu as relevées. Cependant il y a quelques petites choses que je n'arrive pas à modifier ! Je ne vois pas comment remplacer "The Usa's front door".. J'ai pris le mot "room" directement dans le texte sur lequel on doit s'appuyer. Il ne convient vraiment pas ? J'ai également relevé dans le texte: "we went up on deck", est-ce qu'il manque "the" ?
Voici mon texte corrigé
Dear mother,
You don't have to worry anymore, we arrived safe in America, even if the trip was horrendous and the USA's front door difficult to open. We had a long voyage on "The Lapland". First, I was excited, as you know, it was the first time I had boarded a ship. But as we went along, this joy sounded wrong. Our room was so small you couldn't move at ease, there were about thirty bunks for such a narrow space. Dad and I had to sleep in the same bed. We travelled steerage, that was why our room was dilapidated, dad explained me. Moreover, there was a shelf above our heads. Dad hit it every morning, it didn't make him laugh (as a consequence, I had to hold myself back from crying out of laughter !). The room was overcrowded so I used to get out and go up on deck to be on my own, breathing the sea air and thinking of my future new life. Several times, we hit storms. It was as though the sea and its waves wanted to take us. We finally survived and caught sight of the beautiful statue of Liberty. I couldn't believe my eyes. However, despite the fact I was overjoyed, I was really weak, I had a cold, it was the worst disease I have ever had. Therefore, I was afraid of the medical inspection we had to pass on Ellis Island. Unfortunately, I was separated from Dad. He had to enter America while I was put on detention even if I begged to go with him. It was the longest days of my life: I had no toys to play with, I thought I had become an orphan. In fact, I was terrified because I didn't know what was in store. Hopefully, the situation finally got back to normal: dad came fetch me. I was overwhelmed with joy: our American Dream had started.
When I arrived in New York, I felt so small compared to all the buildings and skyscrapers I could see around me.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-03-2015 12:23
Réponse: Aide/devoir Seymour de florine55, postée le 08-03-2015 à 19:33:37 (S | E)
Voila la seconde partie de ma lettre.. Aidez moi s'il vous plait, c'est urgent ! Merciiii
When I arrived in New York, I felt so small compared to all the buildings and skyscrapers I could see around me. We met a lot of a people, they were all very gorgeous. Indeed, we were welcomed in the best way. The evening of our arrival, Nev (a friend of us now) invited us for a drink. We finally got home at 11 pm. Is every American as nice as Nev ? I hope so !
In any case, It is the best place to achieve my dream: becoming a child star of the vaudeville. Don't count our chickens before they are hatched, but my acrobatic turns have already been a huge success ! A man wants me to join his company ! How lucky I am ! I hope to make enough money to bring you and the rest of the family in this beautiful country were every newcomer (who pass the medical inspection) is welcomed. My only regret is that you are not here with us. Nobody is here to pamper me as you did in Poland.
I will send you some other tidings later. I do my utmost to give you a new life here !
With love from Seymour
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