Correction/ texte birthday

Correction/ texte birthday
Message de jadee55 posté le 16-02-2015 à 19:29:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger ce petit texte svp s'il vous plait? Merci beaucoup d'avance

I looked at the next text message and it said " come to my house immediately. It was worrying. Peet was my best friends since 8 years. I knew that there was one problem. In her message, he seemed worry and nervous. It was 19 pm, I was only in my house. My parents wasn't here and I didn't know why ? I took my bicycles, ready for a long ride. Her house was around at 20 minutes in bike. I was scared. I imagined things about her message. Maybe peet had an accident ? Maybe their parents quarreled . I didn't understand. I crossed the city and fields. I was around at 10 minutes when my bike burst. The sky was black and it was cold. But i didn't want to abandon Peet so I walked to his house. I rang. There was nobody. The door was open. I went into his house. I heard voices. I was panic, tired and I sweated. I was about to pass out when we switch on a light. I recognized my parents, Peet, his parents, and my friends. They sang " happy birthday". it was my birthday and I forgot this what a story it has been!

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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-02-2015 21:21

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Réponse: Correction/ texte birthday de gerondif, postée le 16-02-2015 à 19:40:52 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu corrections en vert

I looked at the next text message and it said " come to my house immediately. It was worrying. Peet was(mauvais temps avec depuis) my best friends since(mauvais choix de "depuis") 8 years. I knew that there was one problem. In her(propriétaire féminin) message, he seemed worry (il faut un participe passé) and nervous. It was 19 pm(am et pm ne marchent que sur 12 heures), I was only(sens?) in my house. My parents wasn't (pluriel) here (on dit plutôt: they were out) and I didn't know why ? I took my bicycles, ready for a long ride. Her (à qui ?) house was around at 20 minutes in bike. I was scared. I imagined things about her message. Maybe peet had had an accident ? Maybe their parents had quarreled . I didn't understand. I crossed the city and fields. I was around at 10 minutes when my bike burst(plutôt le pneu que la bicyclette, à moins qu'un explosif dans le câdre.....). The sky was black and it was cold. But i didn't want to abandon Peet so I walked to his house. I rang. There was nobody. The door was open. I went into his house. I heard voices. I was panic (participe passé), tired and all sweaty(I sweated). I was about to pass out when we(c'est qui ce nous? vous voulez dire "on", alors utilisez somebody ou they) switch(prétérit) on a light. I recognized my parents, Peet, his parents, and my friends. They sang (they started singing) " happy birthday". it was my birthday and I had forgotten this. what a story it has been (mettez plutôt un prétérit)!

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Réponse: Correction/ texte birthday de bluduck2, postée le 16-02-2015 à 19:49:51 (S | E)
Hello jadee55 !
Relisez votre texte en revoyant -- ligne2 les adjectifs possessifs (Peete ,nom masculin --son message à lui = ?... ,sa maison à lui =?...)
--ligne 1 pendant +durée et le temps qui convient
--le participe passé pour"ennuyé (ligne 2 )et pour paniqué (ligne 5),prérez le verbe au simple past .
--le pluriel au mot "parent"
--ligne 2 on dit 7 p.m.(et pas 19 p.m.)
--ligne 2 ,"only" veut dire "seulement" .Chercher "seul"dans le dictionnaire ,ainsi que ""crevaison"
--le dernier fragment pour les temps :j'avais oublié=........................et cela avait été =............
--votre dernière phrade est une exclamative ,pensez à ponctuer.
I hope this helps !
Bluduck2

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Réponse: Correction/ texte birthday de jadee55, postée le 16-02-2015 à 20:55:57 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup de votre aide qui m'a été très utile Bonne soirée.
Jade

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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-02-2015 21:24

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