Oral/Mythes et héros
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Message de caminataure posté le 15-02-2015 à 10:44:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, je suis en terminale Littéraire et je prépare mes oraux du Bac. Pourriez-vous me dire quelles sont mes fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance.
Myths and Heroes
I will speak about the notion of myths and heroes, by studying this problem: why can we say that a soldier is a hero? According to the dictionary definition, a myth is a traditional and universal story which concerns the life of ordinary or extraordinary people. A myth can be true or imaginary, can explain a social or natural phenomenon or can explain nothing. It can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero participates in the myths. This term contains aspects of various kinds. There are a lot of heroes: the fictitious heroes (from cartoons or comics strips), a fashion hero (like Michael Jackson), a humain rights defender, a sportsman, some unknown heroes (like firemen, soldiers, charity workers...)... This term is complex. I’m going to study the soldiers: some unknown heroes, who save our life. Firstly, I will present what the soldiers are and what they do. Subsequently, I will speak about their sacrifice.
When people think of heroes, what often comes to their mind is some fictional character like Batman or Superman, these characters super strong, supernatural, stemming from comics strips, cartoons, novels or also movies... But, the heroes aren’t all fictional, there are also some more traditional heroes, closer to us, to which anyone can identify. Soldiers are the main representatives of this type. They are considered as anti-heroes, because they are common people, they are not strong as the heroes from the cartoons, or they aren’t have some supernatural powers. But, they are considered as heroes, because they realized a good and generous action, helping people who are in difficulty, defending the others, powerless, just with their capacity, and their heart. These unknown heroes protect the people, powerless, they risk their life to protect them, they do a lot of sacrifice, it’s very dangerous and they sacrifice their life or also the times with their family, for their country, their homeland. We studied a lot of document about the soldiers, some pictures and movies...
Nevertheless, the soldiers’ life is not easy. Their work is hard, they must be strong, physically and psychologically. This work can bring trauma. It’s horrible, they live constantly with the death, the fear... They see their friends, their fellow dying, in front of them, and they can’t do anything to save or to help them. They also do some great sacrifice. In the trailer of the movie “We were soldiers”, we saw that they leave their family. It’s very hard for them. Furthermore, it’s a selfish choice, because their relatives suffer a lot. With the movie “Full Metal Jacket”, we saw that the sacrifice is very hard, this can bring some trauma, for example for Léonard Lawrence, a character who succumbed to the madness of the army, the training, and the pressure, and who committed suicide. The soldiers suffer. Now they are in the military and their fate is to kill, as we can see on the cover of the movie Full Metal Jacket (born to kill). It’s a terrible fate, it’s hard to accept this, even if it’s their choice.
Furthermore, the soldier’s life is very dangerous. They are a lot of soldiers who die. They have some weapons, guns, to defend themselves, but it’s not enough, in front of the adversaries or enemies. They haven’t a lot of things to protect themselves. Too many soldiers die. Their relatives suffer a lot with these deaths. It’s hard for them. Nevertheless, we can applaud the valour of these soldiers, who know the risks, the danger, but they not shrink in front of these risks. The death is over them. But, even though, they sacrifice their life, for their countries, their homeland. They are very brave. Furthermore, they don’t want anything, any gratitude in exchange to their actions.
In conclusion we can say that the heroes have a lot of qualities. The soldiers are some important and impressive heroes. They are some models, for the population. They are brave, generous... They fight the evil. They realize actions for the humanity. Nevertheless, their work is very dangerous, they can dead at any moment, they risk their life... We must imitate them. It’s good, for the children, to have some heroes and to imitate them because, by doing this, they take their qualities and they become better. We can all be a hero for someone. But, nowadays, the heroism is becoming weak. People no longer trust each other and they are more selfish. Highly-rated human which united people, some time ago, seems to have passed, seems lost, or at least less present. People stop to have interest to each other, they pass next to each other. This is the reason because, nowadays, being a hero is rarer, because of the egoism of people. But, the heroes of our day, are more praiseworthy because of their inadequacy. Hugh Thompson, who was a United States Army helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War, said « Nowadays, you have to think like a hero, just to behave like a merely decent human being.”.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-02-2015 13:40
Message de caminataure posté le 15-02-2015 à 10:44:07 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, je suis en terminale Littéraire et je prépare mes oraux du Bac. Pourriez-vous me dire quelles sont mes fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance.
Myths and Heroes
I will speak about the notion of myths and heroes, by studying this problem: why can we say that a soldier is a hero? According to the dictionary definition, a myth is a traditional and universal story which concerns the life of ordinary or extraordinary people. A myth can be true or imaginary, can explain a social or natural phenomenon or can explain nothing. It can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero participates in the myths. This term contains aspects of various kinds. There are a lot of heroes: the fictitious heroes (from cartoons or comics strips), a fashion hero (like Michael Jackson), a humain rights defender, a sportsman, some unknown heroes (like firemen, soldiers, charity workers...)... This term is complex. I’m going to study the soldiers: some unknown heroes, who save our life. Firstly, I will present what the soldiers are and what they do. Subsequently, I will speak about their sacrifice.
When people think of heroes, what often comes to their mind is some fictional character like Batman or Superman, these characters super strong, supernatural, stemming from comics strips, cartoons, novels or also movies... But, the heroes aren’t all fictional, there are also some more traditional heroes, closer to us, to which anyone can identify. Soldiers are the main representatives of this type. They are considered as anti-heroes, because they are common people, they are not strong as the heroes from the cartoons, or they aren’t have some supernatural powers. But, they are considered as heroes, because they realized a good and generous action, helping people who are in difficulty, defending the others, powerless, just with their capacity, and their heart. These unknown heroes protect the people, powerless, they risk their life to protect them, they do a lot of sacrifice, it’s very dangerous and they sacrifice their life or also the times with their family, for their country, their homeland. We studied a lot of document about the soldiers, some pictures and movies...
Nevertheless, the soldiers’ life is not easy. Their work is hard, they must be strong, physically and psychologically. This work can bring trauma. It’s horrible, they live constantly with the death, the fear... They see their friends, their fellow dying, in front of them, and they can’t do anything to save or to help them. They also do some great sacrifice. In the trailer of the movie “We were soldiers”, we saw that they leave their family. It’s very hard for them. Furthermore, it’s a selfish choice, because their relatives suffer a lot. With the movie “Full Metal Jacket”, we saw that the sacrifice is very hard, this can bring some trauma, for example for Léonard Lawrence, a character who succumbed to the madness of the army, the training, and the pressure, and who committed suicide. The soldiers suffer. Now they are in the military and their fate is to kill, as we can see on the cover of the movie Full Metal Jacket (born to kill). It’s a terrible fate, it’s hard to accept this, even if it’s their choice.
Furthermore, the soldier’s life is very dangerous. They are a lot of soldiers who die. They have some weapons, guns, to defend themselves, but it’s not enough, in front of the adversaries or enemies. They haven’t a lot of things to protect themselves. Too many soldiers die. Their relatives suffer a lot with these deaths. It’s hard for them. Nevertheless, we can applaud the valour of these soldiers, who know the risks, the danger, but they not shrink in front of these risks. The death is over them. But, even though, they sacrifice their life, for their countries, their homeland. They are very brave. Furthermore, they don’t want anything, any gratitude in exchange to their actions.
In conclusion we can say that the heroes have a lot of qualities. The soldiers are some important and impressive heroes. They are some models, for the population. They are brave, generous... They fight the evil. They realize actions for the humanity. Nevertheless, their work is very dangerous, they can dead at any moment, they risk their life... We must imitate them. It’s good, for the children, to have some heroes and to imitate them because, by doing this, they take their qualities and they become better. We can all be a hero for someone. But, nowadays, the heroism is becoming weak. People no longer trust each other and they are more selfish. Highly-rated human which united people, some time ago, seems to have passed, seems lost, or at least less present. People stop to have interest to each other, they pass next to each other. This is the reason because, nowadays, being a hero is rarer, because of the egoism of people. But, the heroes of our day, are more praiseworthy because of their inadequacy. Hugh Thompson, who was a United States Army helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War, said « Nowadays, you have to think like a hero, just to behave like a merely decent human being.”.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-02-2015 13:40
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 16-02-2015 à 10:35:18 (S | E)
Personne ne peut m'aider...?
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 16-02-2015 à 13:42:40 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Quelques erreurs sont indiquées en bleu..
I will speak about the notion of myths and heroes, by studying this problem: why can we say that a soldier is a hero? According to the dictionary definition, a myth is a traditional and universal story which concerns the life of ordinary or extraordinary people. A myth can be true or imaginary, can explain a social or natural phenomenon or can explain nothing. It can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero participates in the myths. This term contains aspects of various kinds. There are a lot of heroes: the fictitious heroes (from cartoons or comics strips), a fashion hero (like Michael Jackson), a humain rights defender, a sportsman, some unknown heroes (like firemen, soldiers, charity workers...)... This term is complex. I’m going to study the soldiers: some unknown heroes, who save our life(pluriel) . Firstly, I will present what the soldiers are and what they do. Subsequently, I will speak about their sacrifice.
When people think of heroes, what often comes to their mind is some fictional character like Batman or Superman, these characters super strong,(un mot) supernatural, stemming from comics strips, cartoons, novels or also movies... But, the heroes aren’t all fictional, there are also some more traditional heroes, closer to us, to which anyone can identify. Soldiers are the main representatives of this type. They are considered as anti-heroes, because they are common people, they are not as strong as the heroes from the cartoons, or they aren’t have some supernatural powers. But, they are considered as heroes, because they realized(mauvais choix de verbe) a good and generous action, helping people who are in difficulty, defending the others, powerless, just with their capacity ('courage' est mieux), and their heart. These unknown heroes protect the people, powerless, they risk their life to protect them, they domake a lot of sacrifices, it’s very dangerous and they sacrifice their life(pluriel)
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de here4u, postée le 16-02-2015 à 15:55:23 (S | E)
Hello !
Second part :
Nevertheless, the soldiers’ life is not easy. Their work is hard, they must be strong, physically and psychologically. This work can bring trauma. It’s horrible, they live constantly with the death, the fear... They see their friends, their fellowS dying, in front of them, and they can’t do anything to save or to help them. They also do some great sacrifice. In the trailer of the movie “We were soldiers”, we saw that they leave their family. It’s very hard for them. Furthermore, it’s a selfish choice, because their relatives suffer a lot. With the movie “Full Metal Jacket”, we saw that the sacrifice is very hard, this can bring some trauma, for example for Léonard Lawrence, a character who succumbed to the madness of the army, the training, and the pressure, and who committed suicide. The soldiers suffer. Now they are in the military
Furthermore,
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 17-02-2015 à 11:49:15 (S | E)
Bonjour et tout d'abord merci
Dans la première partie, je mets "closer to us, in which anyone can identify" ??
"or they haven’t some " à la place de "aren't have " ??
et je peux mettre " had done " à la place de "realized "??
pour la seconde partie "They also do some great " je ne peux pas mettre do ?
"They haven’t XXX a lot a things" il manque un mot ?
"in exchange of their actions" ?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-02-2015 12:19
Pas de rouge sur les forums, merci.
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 13:29:08 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Je dirais
"with which.."; "they have no supernatural powers"; "they performed a good action"; "made some great sacrifice"; "they haven't got.."; "in exchange for.."
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 17-02-2015 à 14:40:55 (S | E)
D'accord merci beaucoup! Et au niveau de la formulation des phrases, il y aurait des choses à changer ?
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 16:32:35 (S | E)
bonjour..
"Nevertheless..etc" .."Consequently" (par consequent) serait plus approprie ici.
""shrink in front of".."shrink from " est mieux.
But, even though, they sacrifice their life, for their countries, their homeland.
"even though" devrait commencer une proposition. "Even though I was sick, I still went to work"
"despite this" est mieux.
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 17-02-2015 à 17:07:27 (S | E)
D'accord merci!
voici donc mon texte après correction
I will speak about the notion of myths and heroes, by studying this problem: why can we say that a soldier is a hero? According to the dictionary definition, a myth is a traditional and universal story which concerns the life of ordinary or extraordinary people. A myth can be true or imaginary, can explain a social or natural phenomenon or can explain nothing. It can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero participates in the myths. This term contains aspects of various kinds. There are a lot of heroes: fictitious heroes (from cartoons or comic strips), a fashion hero (like Michael Jackson), a human rights defender, a sportsman, some unknown heroes (like firemen, soldiers, charity workers...)... This term is complex. I’m going to study soldiers: some unknown heroes, who save our lives. Firstly, I will present what the soldiers are and what they do. Subsequently, I will speak about their sacrifice.
When people think of heroes, what often comes to their mind is some fictional character like Batman or Superman, these characters superstrong, supernatural, stemming from comics strips, cartoons, novels or also movies... But, heroes aren’t all fictional, there are also some more traditional heroes, closer to us, with which anyone can identify. Soldiers are the main representatives of this type. They are considered as anti-heroes, because they are common people, they are not as strong as the heroes from the cartoons, or they have no some supernatural powers. But, they are considered as heroes, because they performed a good and generous action, helping people who are in difficulty, defending the others, powerless, just with courage, and their heart. These unknown heroes protect the people, powerless, they risk their life to protect them, they make a lot of sacrifices, it’s very dangerous and they sacrifice their lives and also the times with their family for their country, their homeland. We studied a lot of documents about the soldiers, some pictures and movies...
Consequently, the soldiers’ lives are not easy. Their work is hard, they must be strong, physically and psychologically. This work can bring trauma. It’s horrible, they live constantly with death, fear... They see their friends, their fellows dying, in front of them, and they can’t do anything to save or to help them. They also made some great sacrifice. In the trailer of the movie “We were soldiers”, we saw that they leave their families. It’s very hard for them. Furthermore, it’s a selfish choice, because their relatives suffer a lot. With the movie “Full Metal Jacket”, we saw that the sacrifice is very hard, this can bring some trauma, for example for Léonard Lawrence, a character who succumbed to the madness of the army, the training, and the pressure, and who committed suicide. The soldiers suffer. They are in the military, their fate is to kill, as we can see on the cover of the movie Full Metal Jacket (born to kill). It’s a terrible fate, it’s hard to accept this, even if it’s their choice.
Furthermore, soldier’s life is very dangerous. There are a lot of soldiers who die. They have some weapons, guns, to defend themselves, but it’s not enough, in front of the adversaries or enemies. They haven’t got a lot of things to protect themselves. Too many soldiers die. Their relatives suffer a lot with these deaths. It’s hard for them. Nevertheless, we can applaud the valour of these soldiers, who know the risks, the danger, but they not shrink from these risks. Death is over them. But, despite this, they sacrifice their lives, for their countries, their homeland. They are very brave. Furthermore, they don’t want anything, any gratitude in exchange of their actions.
In conclusion we can say that the heroes have a lot of qualities. The soldiers are some important and impressive heroes. They are some models, for the population. They are brave, generous... They fight the evil. They realize actions for the humanity. Nevertheless, their work is very dangerous, they can dead at any moment, they risk their life... We must imitate them. It’s good, for the children, to have some heroes and to imitate them because, by doing this, they take their qualities and they become better. We can all be a hero for someone. But, nowadays, the heroism is becoming weak. People no longer trust each other and they are more selfish. Highly-rated human which united people, some time ago, seems to have passed, seems lost, or at least less present. People stop to have interest to each other, they pass next to each other. This is the reason because, nowadays, being a hero is rarer, because of the egoism of people. But, the heroes of our days are more praiseworthy because of their inadequacy. Hugh Thompson, who was a United States Army helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War, said « Nowadays, you have to think like a hero, just to behave like a merely decent human being.”.
Merci encore
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 17:58:45 (S | E)
I will speak about the notion of myths and heroes, by studying this problem: why can we say that a soldier is a hero? According to the dictionary definition, a myth is a traditional and universal story which concerns the life of ordinary or extraordinary people. A myth can be true or imaginary, can explain a social or natural phenomenon or can explain nothing. It can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero participates in the myths. This term contains aspects of various kinds. There are a lot of heroes: fictitious heroes (from literature or cartoons or comic strips), a fashion hero (like Michael Jackson), a human rights defender, a sportsman, some unknown heroes (like firemen, soldiers, charity workers...)... This term is complex. I’m going to study soldiers: some unknown heroes, who save our lives. Firstly, I will present what the soldiers are and what they do. Subsequently, I will speak about their sacrifice.
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 18:01:54 (S | E)
When people think of heroes, what often comes to their mind is some fictional character like Batman or Superman, these characters superstrong, supernatural (adjectifs devant le nom), stemming from comics strips, cartoons, novels or also movies... But, heroes aren’t all fictional, there are also some more traditional heroes, closer to us, with which anyone can identify. Soldiers are the main representatives of this type. They are considered as anti-heroes, because they are common people, they are not as strong as the heroes from the cartoons,
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 18:06:25 (S | E)
Consequently, the soldiers’ lives are not easy. Their work is hard, they must be strong, physically and psychologically. This work can bring trauma. It’s horrible, they live constantly with death, fear... They see their friends, their fellows dying, in front of them, and they can’t do anything to save or to help them. They also made(ne changez pas le temps) some great sacrifice. In the trailer of the movie “We were soldiers”, we saw that they leave their families. It’s very hard for them. Furthermore, it’s a selfish choice, because their relatives suffer a lot. With the movie “Full Metal Jacket”, we saw that the sacrifice is very hard, this can bring some trauma, for example for Léonard Lawrence (pas d'accent en anglais), a character who succumbed to the madness of the army, the training, and the pressure, and who committed suicide. The soldiers suffer. They are in the military, their fate is to kill, as we can see on the cover of the movie Full Metal Jacket (born to kill). It’s a terrible fate, it’s hard to accept this, even if it’s their choice.
Furthermore, a soldier’s life is very dangerous. There are a lot of soldiers who die. They have some weapons, guns, to defend themselves, but it’s not enough, in front of against
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 17-02-2015 à 18:10:49 (S | E)
In conclusion we can say that the heroes have a lot of qualities.
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 17-02-2015 à 21:35:50 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup j'ai tout corrigé
pour "Highly-rated human..." je voulais dire "le coté humain"
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 18-02-2015 à 10:19:54 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Je dirais: "the human aspect has been lost or overlooked"....ou quelque chose comme ça.
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 18-02-2015 à 11:24:27 (S | E)
d'accord merci! je dis "the human aspect wich united people some times ago has been lost or overlooked or at least is less present "?
pour le reste c'est bon ?
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 18-02-2015 à 13:26:25 (S | E)
Bonjour..
"the human aspect which united people some times ago has been lost or overlooked or at least is less present "?
Ou peut-être un peu mieux:
"..the humanity which united people has been diminished"
ça va..
Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de caminataure, postée le 18-02-2015 à 15:08:04 (S | E)
merci
cela vous dérangerait-il de regarder également le début de mon deuxième oral s'il vous plait ?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-02-2015 16:57
Personne n'a de correcteur attitré
Postez votre texte en nouveau sujet et on corrigera sans doute.Réponse: Oral/Mythes et héros de bluestar, postée le 18-02-2015 à 15:46:58 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Si vous postez votre travail sur le forum de la manière habituelle quelque membre ( quelqu'un d'autre ou moi) vous aidera sans doute..
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