Correction/Personal Work
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Message de fortiche posté le 24-01-2015 à 14:43:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Dans le cadre d'un devoir, j'ai dû réaliser ce texte en anglais, or je n'ai pas su exprimer plusieurs expressions, et il y a sûrement des fautes.
Cela doit être écrit en anglais correct, très bon et sans fautes.Cela fera également l'objet d'une note, voici ce que j'ai fait; s'il vous plaît aidez-moi, c'est à rendre lundi!
Vous pouvez m'aider à modifier afin de changer les tournures pour qu'elles soient meilleures....Merci du fond du coeur!
During their first year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to .............. and ..............(who unfortunately past away during the first session), group realized with affinity.
/En vue de rendre compte de manière synthétique ce projet, il apparaît logique de présenter le choix et le déroulement, puis d'envisager le bilan personnel de l'expérience/
Initially, only the theme of consumption among those offered retained our attention.
We first opted to orient ourselves toward a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interresting us to the power of it. Then after two sessions, we realized that it was too broad and was not exactly the type of subject that we wanted to approach. That is why we proceed to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with /savoir-faire/, while presenting his obstacle counterfeiting. This topis seemed then /mieux/ adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfting has been, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research on this topic in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes.
We then consecrate six weeks of reflection during which we carry out research both bibliographic and computing, checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hasardous and /le fruit de nos recherches aléatoire mais la suite s'est avéré fructueuse/
Indeed, throughout the semester, then it is appered necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered.
It was also during this period and after many transformations that our problematic has been refined.
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problematic: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After determining the problematic, intervened the plan development, essential for the TPE structure.
Finally, moved the idea of our final production: designing a interractive and original video has occurred.
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problematic.
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including espacially the two compulsory subjects.
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity led me to reflect on a topical area, It also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
Direct learning during researches allowed me to achieve a strong subject knowledge required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of the general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the english langage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, /un apport/ in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communication that existed within the group.
/Ce TPE s'est présenté comme un travail plus long et difficile qu'il ne le parraissait mais s'est révélé être une expérience extrêmement enrichissante et instructive, tant sur le plan intellectuel que sur le plan méthodologique./
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Modifié par lucile83 le 24-01-2015 14:44
Message de fortiche posté le 24-01-2015 à 14:43:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Dans le cadre d'un devoir, j'ai dû réaliser ce texte en anglais, or je n'ai pas su exprimer plusieurs expressions, et il y a sûrement des fautes.
Cela doit être écrit en anglais correct, très bon et sans fautes.Cela fera également l'objet d'une note, voici ce que j'ai fait; s'il vous plaît aidez-moi, c'est à rendre lundi!
Vous pouvez m'aider à modifier afin de changer les tournures pour qu'elles soient meilleures....Merci du fond du coeur!
During their first year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to .............. and ..............(who unfortunately past away during the first session), group realized with affinity.
/En vue de rendre compte de manière synthétique ce projet, il apparaît logique de présenter le choix et le déroulement, puis d'envisager le bilan personnel de l'expérience/
Initially, only the theme of consumption among those offered retained our attention.
We first opted to orient ourselves toward a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interresting us to the power of it. Then after two sessions, we realized that it was too broad and was not exactly the type of subject that we wanted to approach. That is why we proceed to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with /savoir-faire/, while presenting his obstacle counterfeiting. This topis seemed then /mieux/ adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfting has been, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research on this topic in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes.
We then consecrate six weeks of reflection during which we carry out research both bibliographic and computing, checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hasardous and /le fruit de nos recherches aléatoire mais la suite s'est avéré fructueuse/
Indeed, throughout the semester, then it is appered necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered.
It was also during this period and after many transformations that our problematic has been refined.
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problematic: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After determining the problematic, intervened the plan development, essential for the TPE structure.
Finally, moved the idea of our final production: designing a interractive and original video has occurred.
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problematic.
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including espacially the two compulsory subjects.
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity led me to reflect on a topical area, It also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
Direct learning during researches allowed me to achieve a strong subject knowledge required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of the general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the english langage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, /un apport/ in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communication that existed within the group.
/Ce TPE s'est présenté comme un travail plus long et difficile qu'il ne le parraissait mais s'est révélé être une expérience extrêmement enrichissante et instructive, tant sur le plan intellectuel que sur le plan méthodologique./
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-01-2015 14:44
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de here4u, postée le 24-01-2015 à 17:14:18 (S | E)
During their first year(Do you mean that they're supposed to do Two years of Première ???) of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively (Split infinitive ... Beurk !)accomplish this task, I have associated myself to .............. and ..............(who unfortunately past away during the first session)(Are you kidding?), X group realized with affinity.
En vue de rendre compte de manière synthétique ce projet, il apparaît logique de présenter le choix et le déroulement, puis d'envisager le bilan personnel de l'expérience/'So what ? We're not doing things for you ...(At least, I'm not!)Do them, then we'll help ...!)
Initially,only the theme of consumption among those offered retained our attention.(word order!)
We first opted to orient ourselves toward a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interresting us to the power of it.(construction!) Then after two sessions, we realized that it was too broad and was not exactly the type of subject that we wanted to approach. That is why we proceed to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with /savoir-faire/, while presenting his obstacle counterfeiting. This topis seemed then /mieux/(don't pretend you don't know the English for that word ... in 1Euro!) adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfting has been, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research on this topic in order to get a vague(!!!) knowledge of all possible axes.
We then consecrate six weeks of reflection during which we carry out research both bibliographic and computing,(word order) checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hasardous and /le fruit de nos recherches aléatoire mais la suite s'est avéré fructueuse/??? Come on !If you can't say that, say it differently ! You should never translate French into English, but think English !
Indeed, throughout the semester, then it is appered necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information we had gathered.
It was also during this period and after many transformations that our problematic has been refined.
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problematic: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After determining the problematic= an adjective in English !, intervened the plan developmentword order), essential for the TPE structure.Yes! It is !!!
Finally,Subject ? moved the idea of our final production: designing a interractive and original video has occurred.(sorry ... it doesn't make sense !)
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problematic.!
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including espacially the two compulsory subjects.???
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity led me to reflect on a topical area, It also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
Direct learning during researches allowed me to achieve a strong subject knowledge required particularly ???for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of the general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions XX extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the english langXage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, /un apport/ in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communicating (ion) that existed within the group.
/Ce TPE s'est présenté comme un travail plus long et difficile qu'il ne le parraissait mais s'est révélé être une expérience extrêmement enrichissante et instructive, tant sur le plan intellectuel que sur le plan méthodologique./
OK! It certainly could be! Is it? Show us!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 24-01-2015 20:50
Bug police réparé
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de fortiche, postée le 24-01-2015 à 20:41:46 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je vous remercie d'avoir participé à ce post, j'ai eu du mal à comprendre certaines de vos remarques, et les corriger fut difficile.
Que pensez-vous de ma rédaction? Votre avis est très important! Que dois-je faire pour l'améliorer?
Voici la correction:
During their year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to .............. and ..............(who unfortunately passed away during the first session), group realized by affinity.
To report in a synthetic way this project, it seems logical to present the choice and the progress, then to envisage the personal balance sheet of the experience(experiment).
Initially, among the theme offered, only this of consumption retained our attention.
We first opted to orient ourselves toward a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interesting us in the power of this one.
Then after two sessions crossed to try to encircle the subject, we realized that this one was too vast and did not correspond exactly to the type of subject whom we wished to approach.
That is why we proceed to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with know how, while presenting it's obstacle: counterfeiting.
This topic seemed then better adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfeiting was, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research relative to our subject in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes.
We then dedicated six weeks of reflections during which we carried out both bibliographic and computing research, checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hazardous and the fruit of our searches random, but the continuation has proved fruitful.
Indeed, throughout the semester, it then has appeared necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered.
It was as well during this period and after many transformations that our problem became refined.
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problem: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After the determination of the problem, intervened the elaboration of the plan, essential to the structure of the TPE.
Finally, settled down the idea of our final production: the conception of an interactive and original video arose.
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problematic.
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including particulary the two compulsory subjects.
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity brought me to think about a domain of current events, it also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
The direct learning during researches allowed me to end in a solid knowledge of the subject, required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions to extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the English langage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, a contribution in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communicating that reigned within the group.
Merci !
This TPE appeared as a longer and difficult work than it appeared but turned out to be an extremely enriching and instructive experience so in the intellectually plan as on the methodological plan.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-01-2015 20:43
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de here4u, postée le 24-01-2015 à 21:13:29 (S | E)
Hello !
blue = wrong
xxxxxx = clumsy
XXX = missing elements.
green = suggestions
The basic construction in English is : S + V + Complements ... You need fewer S-V inversions than in French and complements(especially the Predicat(COD) should be near the V ...During their year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).(Don't tell the jury ... They know!
)(This is your oral synthesis, isn't it ?)In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to(say it simply ... ) .............. and ..............(who unfortunately passed away during the first session), group realized by affinity.
To report in a synthetic way this project(word order), it seems logical to present the choice and the progress of ???, then to envisage the personal balance sheet(wrong word = for acountancy) of the experience(experiment).
Initially, among the themeS offered, only this(that) of consumption retained our attention.
We first opted to orient ourselves toward a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interesting us in(That's better !
) the power of this one.Then after two sessions crossed??? to try to encircle the subject, we realized that this one was too vast and did not correspond exactly to the type of subject whom(
) we wished to approach.That is why we proceed (wrong tense)to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with know-how, while presenting it's obstacle: counterfeiting.
This topic seemed then better adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfeiting was, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research relative to our subject in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes.
We then dedicated six weeks of reflections during which we carried out both bibliographic and computing research, checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hazardous and the fruit of our searches random, but the continuation has proved fruitful.
Indeed, throughout the semester, it then has appeared necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered.
It was as well during this period and after many transformations that our problem became refined.(refined? or well defined?)
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problem: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After the determination of the problem, intervened the elaboration of the plan(word order), essential to the structure of the TPE.
Finally, settled down the idea of our final production: the conception of an interactive and original video arose.(Now, I understand!)
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problematic.
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including particulary the two compulsory subjects.
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity brought me to think about a domain of current events, it also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
The direct learning during researches allowed me to end in a solid knowledge of the subject, required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions to extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the English langage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, a contribution in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communicating that reigned within the group.
Merci !
This TPE appeared as a longer and more difficult work than it appeared but turned out to be an extremely enriching and instructive experience
Much clearer ...
.Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de fortiche, postée le 24-01-2015 à 22:06:25 (S | E)
Re-bonsoir,
Merci, cette fois ci j'ai bien mieux compris, mais je n'ai malheureusement pas réussi à tout corriger.
Merci du temps que vous prenez pour moi!
During their year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to .............. and ..............(who unfortunately passed away during the fourth session), group realized by affinity.
To report in a synthetic way this project, it seems logical to present the choice and the progress, then to consider the acountancy of the experience.
Initially, among the theme offered, only this of consumption retained our attention.
We first opted to orient ourselves towards a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interesting us in the power of this one.
Then after two sessions reached to try to encompass the subject, we realized that this one was too vast and didn't correspond exactly to the type of subject that we wished to approach.
That is why we proceeded to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with know how, while presenting his obstacle: counterfeiting.
This topic seemed then better adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfeiting was, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-research relative to our subject in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes.
We then dedicated six weeks of reflections during which we carried out both bibliographic and computing research, checking their reliability.
Beginnings were rather hazardous and the fruit of our searches random (i didn't managed to correct this one), but the continuation has proved fruitful.
Indeed, throughout the semester, it then has appeared necessary to organize and plan the sessions.
It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered.
It was as well during this period and after many transformations that our problem became refined.
To satisfy both subjects imposed: Geography and SES, we set down the following problem: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector?
After the determination of the problem,the elaboration of the plan intervened , essential to the structure of the TPE.
Finally, the idea of our final production settled down : the conception of an interactive and original video arose.
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problem.
Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including particulary the two compulsory subjects.
Moreover, being in the Euro English class, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed.
However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity brought me to think about a domain of current events, it also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing.
The direct learning during researches allowed me achieve a solid knowledge of the subject, required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of general culture.
I was also able, through the decisions to extend my ability to take initiatives.
Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the English langage by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, a contribution in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communicating that reigned within the group.
This TPE appeared as a longer and more difficult work than it appeared but turned out to be an extremely enriching and instructive experience in the intellectual plan as on the methodological one.
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de fortiche, postée le 25-01-2015 à 12:07:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je n'ai plus de réponses.
Pouvez vous corriger mon dernier post?
Cordialement
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de fortiche, postée le 25-01-2015 à 19:42:51 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je n'ai plus de nouvelles...
J'ai effectuer encore quelques modifications, le devoir est à rendre demain!
S'il vous plaît, pouvez-vous refaire une vérification sur ce post?
During their year of première, students are required to perform Supervised Personal Work (TPE).
In order to effectively accomplish this task, I have associated myself to ...... and ....... (who unfortunately passed away during the fourth session because she decided to change the ES sector for the STMG one), group realized by affinity.
To report in a synthetic way this project, it seems logical to present the choice and the progress of the topic, then to consider the accountancy of the experience.
Initially, among the themes offered, only this of consumption retained our attention. We used to establish a list of various topics which may interest us, in order to facilitate our choice. We first opted to orient ourselves towards a subject combining fashion and consumption, by interesting us in the power of this one. Then after two sessions reached to try to encompass the subject, we realized that this one was too vast and didn't correspond exactly to the type of subject that we wished to approach. That is why we proceeded to a change, directing us to the French luxury synonym with know-how, while presenting his obstacle: counterfeiting. This topic seemed then better adapted to our expectations. In fact, luxury and counterfeiting was, is and will stay, a news item.
From the first session, we performed individual pre-researches relative to our subject in order to get a vague knowledge of all possible axes. We then dedicated six weeks of reflections during which we carried out both bibliographic and computing research, checking their reliability. Beginnings were rather hazardous and the fruit of our searches random, but the continuation has proved fruitful. As a matter of fact, throughout the semester, it then has appeared necessary to organize and plan the sessions. It was agreed to sort, organize and exploit the information gathered. It was as well during this period and after many transformations that our problem became refined. To satisfy both subjects imposed: geography and the social and economic sciences, we set down the following problem: What are the issues of counterfeiting for the luxury sector? Additionally, this constraint has been satisfied by studying the geographic aspect (manufacturing, sale, consumption of counterfeited luxury goods) and in social and economic sciences by evoking the reasons and consequences of this unlawful act. After the determination of the problem, the elaboration of the plan intervened, essential to the structure of the TPE. Finally, the idea of our final production settled down: the conception of an interactive and original video arose.
The difficulties we encountered were mainly related to the choice of the subject and the problem. Indeed, the subject had to be part of one of the proposed topics including particularly the two compulsory subjects. Moreover, being in the Euro English section, the realization of the TPE in English, was imposed. However, we do not have particular difficulties in finding information and their exploitations.
This activity brought me to think about a domain of current events, it also helped me feel more confident about the work I was producing. The direct learning during researches allowed me to achieve a solid knowledge of the subject, required particularly for the oral presentation, and useful for my future life, in terms of daily life like that of general culture. I was also able, through the decisions to extend my ability to take initiatives. Likewise, it allowed me to get familiar with the English language by improving my vocabulary.
The work has been at all levels, a contribution in new knowledge and a very good memory about the pleasant atmosphere based on sharing and communicating that reigned within the group.
This TPE appeared as a longer and more difficult work than it appeared but turned out to be an extremely enriching and instructive experience in the intellectual plan as on the methodological one.
Merci!
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de here4u, postée le 26-01-2015 à 09:39:00 (S | E)
Hello !
Du calme ... Je n'ai pas d'ordinateur ... Suis sur ma tablette et suis trés occupée ... Et vous ai déjà beaucoup aidée ....
- passed away = impropre( ouf! ) = mourir !
- to Report + cod + autres compléments ( je l'ai déjà dit)
-Accountancy = comptabilité
- Only that of
-Used to = habitude passée => had established
-Opt for ( un bon dictionnaire vous l'aurait dit ! )
-2 cessions Reached' Non ! ( used? )
- its obstacle
-Luxury and counterfeiting were ou are
- hazardous = dangereux
-
- SES sans 'the'
- Étrange passage de 'we' à 'I' un peu choquant !
- you don't 'achieve' a Knowledge
- J'aurais attendu plus d'insistance sur l'importance et le plaisir du travail en groupe...
Il reste des maladresses, mais ce n'est jamais qu'un TPE, pas une thèse ....
Le plus important reste à faire: ne pas lire cette présentation ... Et laisser le groupe entier intervenir!
Courage ...
Réponse: Correction/Personal Work de fortiche, postée le 26-01-2015 à 20:25:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci d'avoir répondu autant!
Désolée si j'ai été "envahissante", cela n'était pas mon but, de plus, j'étais stressée.
J'ai pu corriger les fautes, votre aide m'a été bénéfique, je vous en remercie!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-01-2015 20:58
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