Dialogue /aide

Dialogue /aide
Message de loanoob posté le 18-01-2015 à 12:39:03 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Je fais appel à vous car j'ai un travail à rendre demain. Il fallait écrire un dialogue entre Caroline et sa mère. Caroline veut assister à un concert mais sa mère hésite. Donc voila je l'ai rédigé mais j'aimerais savoir s'il y a des fautes grammaticales.
Merci pour vos réponses.

-Mum, I would want to go to the concert of Beatles the next week.
-Caroline, you know that I don’t agree.
-Why mum?
-The tickets are very expensive and you are already going to the concert last year. It is far and it is necessary to take the train. The night it is dangerous for an alone girl as you.
-But I have saved since last year. And I would not alone because there will Madeleine, my best friend…
Caroline…
-… and it’s the end of the year. I had good grades and you have say that you wanted to reward me. For me, go at the concert is a best present.
-It’s right. I would like that you goes at this concert but you say that it’s very risky to take the train alone.
-I have an idea!
-What?
-You can go with me! Actually, I would not be alone in the train. And if you don’t want to assist of the concert, there is a cinema next to the scene. You will can watch a film during the concert.
-Its good idea. So… I am agree!
-Thank you very much Mum! I am going to go buy my ticket.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-01-2015 15:10

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Réponse: Dialogue /aide de here4u, postée le 18-01-2015 à 13:57:17 (S | E)
Hello !

I'll try to help :
blue = wrong
XXX = missing elements

Mum, I would want(not the good way to be given a permission!) to go to the concert of XXX Beatles the next week.(!!)
-Caroline, you know that I don’t agree.(very soft ...)
-Why mum?
-The tickets are very expensive and you are already going to the concert last year. It is far and it is necessary to take the train. The night it is dangerous for an alone girl as(several mistakes here ...) you.
-But I have saved since last year. And I would not XXX (Verb?)alone because there will XX (Verb again ?)Madeleine, my best friend…
Caroline…
-… and it’s the end of the year. I had good grades and you have say that you wanted to reward me. For me, go at the concert is a best present.
-It’s right. I would like that you goes at(several mistakes again !) this concert but you say that it’s very risky to take the train alone.
-I have an idea!
-What?
-You can go with me! Actually, I would not be alone in the train. And if you don’t want to assist of the concert, there is a cinema next to the scene??? not sure of what you mean ...). You will can watch a film during the concert.
-Its X good idea. So… I am agree!
-Thank you very much Mum! I am going to go buy my ticket.

(I'm sorry, but if the concert is really the following week, you discussed for nothing ! It must have been sold out for months ...)
More seriously, you seem to have problems with tenses (like every student!), auxiliaries, and 'would like' ...

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Réponse: Dialogue /aide de loanoob, postée le 18-01-2015 à 14:42:37 (S | E)
Merci. J'ai essayé de corriger mes erreurs j’espère que c'est juste cette fois

Mum, I would like to go to the concert of the Beatles next month.
-Caroline, you know that I don’t agree !
-Why mum?
-The tickets are very expensive and you already went to the concert last year
It is far and it is necessary to take the train. Night it is dangerous for an unaccompanied girl like you.
-But I have saved since last year. And I would not be alone because there will be Madeleine, my best friend…
-Caroline…
-… and it’s the end of the year. I had good grades and you said that you wanted to reward me. For me, going to the concert is the best present.
-It’s right. I would like that you attend this concert but you say that it’s very risky to take the train alone.
-I have an idea!
-What?
-You can go with me! Actually, I would not be alone on the train. And if you don’t want to attend the concert, there is a cinema next to the stage when there is a concert. You can watch a film during the concert.
-It’s a good idea. So… I agree!
-Thank you very much Mum! I am going to go buy my ticket.

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Réponse: Dialogue /aide de here4u, postée le 18-01-2015 à 14:51:52 (S | E)
Mum, I would like to go to the concert of the Beatles next month.
-Caroline, you know that I don’t agree !
-Why mum?
-The tickets are very expensive and you already went to the concert last year
It is far and it is necessary to take the train.XX Night it is dangerous for an unaccompanied girl like you.
-But I have saved since last year. And I would not be alone because there will be(sequence of tenses) Madeleine, my best friend…
-Caroline…
-… and it’s the end of the year. I had good grades and you said that you wanted to reward me. For me, going to the concert is the best present.
-It’s right. I would like that you attend this concert but you say that it’s very risky to take the train alone.
-I have an idea!
-What?
-You can go with me! Actually, I would not be alone on the train. And if you don’t want to attend the concert, there is a cinema next to the stage when there is a concert. You can watch a film during the concert.
-It’s a good idea. So… I agree!
-Thank you very much Mum! I am going to go buy my ticket.

Much better ... but you do need to revise 'would like' ...

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Réponse: Dialogue /aide de loanoob, postée le 18-01-2015 à 15:03:52 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !
Mais je n'arrive pas à voir ce qui cloche dans les formulations avec would like ...

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