Family/Correction
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Message de kaleid posté le 15-01-2015 à 00:11:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir!
Je souhaiterais obtenir de l'aide de quelqu'un afin de corriger mon texte!
Je remercie d'avance ceux ou celles qui m'aideront!
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grade are good enought for joining Havard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Havard University FEES,since the college fund of Chris aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he will even begin to whinnig,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker.But Chris begin to make a fuss about this,and he refuse point blank the gift of his parents.He will even get mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense.
But his sister will jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
Sur ce je vous souhaite à tous une bonne journée ou soirée dans ce cas
?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-01-2015 09:14
Message de kaleid posté le 15-01-2015 à 00:11:08 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir!
Je souhaiterais obtenir de l'aide de quelqu'un afin de corriger mon texte!
Je remercie d'avance ceux ou celles qui m'aideront!
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grade are good enought for joining Havard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Havard University FEES,since the college fund of Chris aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he will even begin to whinnig,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker.But Chris begin to make a fuss about this,and he refuse point blank the gift of his parents.He will even get mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense.
But his sister will jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
Sur ce je vous souhaite à tous une bonne journée ou soirée dans ce cas
?-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-01-2015 09:14
Réponse: Family/Correction de jiminbrooklyn, postée le 15-01-2015 à 02:41:44 (S | E)
Hello,
Pretty good, overall. Some nice usage of colloquial expressions. I'll go line by line:
"At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant."
Perfect. You might need another comma after Carine, but even native English speakers aren't 100% about that ;)
"They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grade are good enought for joining Havard University."
The correct spellings are "enough" (without the T) and "Harvard" (with an R).
"During the meal,they are talking about Havard University FEES,since the college fund of Chris aren't enough ."
I would say "... since Chris's college funds aren't enough." or "since Chris doesn't have enough saved for college".
"As a result his father will surely contribute the balance."
Perfect.
"But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly."
Perfect.
"He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he will even begin to whinnig,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject."
If Chris will begin (in the future), I would say "... he will even begin whining" (later on). If you mean that he whines in the story, I would say "... he began to whine"
"Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker."
Perfect. Nice use of "junker"!
"But Chris begin to make a fuss about this,and he refuse point blank the gift of his parents."
Correct conjugation is "and he refuses" (an S after refuse). And it would be more typical to say ".. his parents' gift". Yours is grammatically correct, but sounds as though it was transliterated from a Romance language.
"He will even get mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense."
As above (re: whining), if you mean that he will get mad later, after this story (like after dinner), then your sentence is correct. But you probably meant "He even got mad at them" (past tense because it's in this story, which you're telling after it happened.)
"But his sister will jabs his leg in order to get back his composure."
Probably you mean "his sister jabs his leg", or maybe" his sister will jab his leg".
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-01-2015 09:14
mp envoyé pour prochaine correction
Some typos and errors are still there.
Réponse: Family/Correction de lucile83, postée le 15-01-2015 à 12:14:53 (S | E)
Hello,
Errors in blue
"But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly."
"But Chris begin to make a fuss
and others; I haven't enough time to go on...sorry.
Réponse: Family/Correction de kaleid, postée le 15-01-2015 à 19:05:56 (S | E)
Bonsoir!
Tout d'abord,je tiens à vous remercier de votre aide!
En plus faire la correction complétement en anglais est assez amusant ^^,sinon je pense que je devrais rajouter des virgules comme vous me l'avez conseillé .
Voici le texte après correction:
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grade are good enough for joining Harvard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Havard University FEES,since Chris's college funds aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he began to whine,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker.But Chris begin to make a fuss about this,and he refuses point blank his parents' gift.He even got mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense.
But his sister jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne soirée !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-01-2015 21:49
Réponse: Family/Correction de here4u, postée le 16-01-2015 à 10:28:54 (S | E)
Hello
A few mistakes left ...
blue = wrong
xxxxxxx clumsy
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grade are good enough for joining Harvard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Havard University FEES(why the capitals? Are you shouting?),since Chris's college funds aren't enough. As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will going back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly. He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he began(the simple present was strange ... and now you're mixing tenses!) to whine,since he doesn't(back to the present !) want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris(very clumsy),since they are scared that he drives that old junker. But Chris begin to make a fuss about this,and he refuses point blank his parents' gift(word order).He even got mad at them, since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense.
But his sister jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
You really must choose your tense, deciding whether you're narrating or not ... and then stick to the right tense ...
Réponse: Family/Correction de kaleid, postée le 17-01-2015 à 08:32:10 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Tout d'abord,je tiens à vous remercier pour votre aide!
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grades are good enough for joining Harvard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Havard University expenses ,since Chris's college funds aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will go back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he begins to whine,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker.But Chris begins to make a fuss about this,and he refuses point blank his parents' gift.He even got mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous expense.
But his sister jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
Les mots en bleu sont les fautes que je n'ai pas
Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne journée!
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Modifié par kaleid le 17-01-2015 08:32
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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-01-2015 16:44
Réponse: Family/Correction de bluestar, postée le 17-01-2015 à 11:23:50 (S | E)
Bonjour..
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grades are good enough for joining Harvard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Harvard University expenses ,since Chris's college funds aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will go back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he begins to whine,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker ('clunker' serait mieux).But Chris begins to make a fuss about this,and he refuses point blank his parents' gift. (l'adverbe a la fin de la phrase)He even got (ne pas mélanger les temps.Vous avez utilisé la présente jusqu'à maintenant) mad at them,since he thinks that this a surperfluous (verifier orth.)expense.
But his sister jabs his leg in order to get back his composure
Réponse: Family/Correction de kaleid, postée le 17-01-2015 à 16:24:07 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Je vous remercie de votre aide!
Voici le texte après correction:
At the start of the story,Chris and his sister,Carine are having a meal with their parents in a restaurant.They are celebrating Chris's graduation,since his grades are good enough for joining Harvard University.
During the meal,they are talking about Harvard University expenses ,since Chris's college funds aren't enough .As a result his father will surely contribute the balance.
But when his mother asks Chris if he will go back to Annandale,he answers reluctantly.He certainly doesn't feel like going back and he begins to whine,since he doesn't want his mother to make a fuss about that subject.
Moreover,his parents want to offer a new car to Chris,since they are scared that he drives that old junker.But Chris begins to make a fuss about this,and he refuses his parents' gift point blank.He even get mad at them,since he thinks that this a superfluous expense.
But his sister jabs his leg in order to get back his composure.
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