Correction/extrait texte
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Message de lila1234 posté le 23-12-2014 à 10:11:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai fait une longue rédaction de 3 pages (tapées à l'ordinateur) un peu dans le style d'un polar. J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour la correction d'un extrait du texte en anglais, pour m'indiquer si vous trouvez une mauvaise utilisation d'un temps et enfin vos remarques sur le texte (ça m'intéresse ^^)...
Peter was totaly confused, he did not imagine where Jenny was. He was very nervous and scared. He put his things slowly. He hoped his wife will come home tomorrow. Then he decided to do not have diner but he drank a glass of water before sleeping. On his bed, he saw blood flowing on his arm. He remembered that he hurt at work. As a consequence he looked oneself. [...] At this moment, he remembered all the olds books that he was reading on his youth, all the detective novels that he had read.
[...] He had seen it somewhere. But where ? After that, he sat down and stared at it. The clock was turning : 1,2,3 minutes after he was still staring at it.[...]
At, this moment, we can saw a man running through the pavements and heard his footsteps on the night. His shadow was moving toward.
[...] I remembered that before be kidnapped, I let on the table a note and a red rose. Maybe he became aware of what was happened. However I knew Peter inside out and I was sure he won't call the police.
J'attends vos réponses avec impatience !
Merci d'avance !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-12-2014 10:40
Message de lila1234 posté le 23-12-2014 à 10:11:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai fait une longue rédaction de 3 pages (tapées à l'ordinateur) un peu dans le style d'un polar. J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour la correction d'un extrait du texte en anglais, pour m'indiquer si vous trouvez une mauvaise utilisation d'un temps et enfin vos remarques sur le texte (ça m'intéresse ^^)...
Peter was totaly confused, he did not imagine where Jenny was. He was very nervous and scared. He put his things slowly. He hoped his wife will come home tomorrow. Then he decided to do not have diner but he drank a glass of water before sleeping. On his bed, he saw blood flowing on his arm. He remembered that he hurt at work. As a consequence he looked oneself. [...] At this moment, he remembered all the olds books that he was reading on his youth, all the detective novels that he had read.
[...] He had seen it somewhere. But where ? After that, he sat down and stared at it. The clock was turning : 1,2,3 minutes after he was still staring at it.[...]
At, this moment, we can saw a man running through the pavements and heard his footsteps on the night. His shadow was moving toward.
[...] I remembered that before be kidnapped, I let on the table a note and a red rose. Maybe he became aware of what was happened. However I knew Peter inside out and I was sure he won't call the police.
J'attends vos réponses avec impatience !
Merci d'avance !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-12-2014 10:40
Réponse: Correction/extrait texte de singul4r, postée le 23-12-2014 à 10:37:15 (S | E)
Hello lila,
I suggest you should use "not to have" instead of "to do not have" in the fith sentence.
Réponse: Correction/extrait texte de lila1234, postée le 23-12-2014 à 11:10:01 (S | E)
Hello Singulr4,
thank you for your answer.
But is it the only mistake ?
Réponse: Correction/extrait texte de here4u, postée le 23-12-2014 à 18:36:44 (S | E)
hello !
Alas ! No ! it wasn't the only mistake ...Sorry !
Peter was totaly confused, he did(couldn't) not imagine where Jenny was. He was very nervous and scared. He put his things slowly(not very clear ... what things ?). He hoped his wife will (the tense is wrong)come home tomorrow. Then he decided to do not have diner but he drank a glass of water before sleeping. On his bed, he saw blood flowing on his arm.(???) He remembered that he hurt XXXXX at work. As a consequence he looked oneself. [...] At this moment, he remembered all the olds books that he was reading on his youth, all the detective novels that he had read.
[...] He had seen it somewhere. But where ? After that, he sat down and stared at it. The clock was turning : 1,2,3 minutes after he was still staring at it.[...]
At, this moment, we can saw
a man running through the pavements(??) and heard his footsteps on the night. His shadow was moving toward XXXX(towards what ?).[...] I remembered that before be kidnapped, I let on the table a note(word order) and a red rose. Maybe he became aware of what was happened. However I knew Peter inside out(not here!) and I was sure he won't call the police.
Blue = wrong
XXX = missing elements
Good luck !
Réponse: Correction/extrait texte de lila1234, postée le 23-12-2014 à 20:31:27 (S | E)
Hello Here4u,
Thank you very much for your help...
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