Aide/Tristan and painting
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basAide/Tristan and painting
Message de moi21 posté le 29-11-2014 à 12:52:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai rédigé un texte à partir d'un sujet mais je n'ai pas de professeur pour le corriger.
Pourriez-vous le lire et m'indiquer mes erreurs?
Je vous remercie d'avance.
Tristan was not rich, neither beautiful nor very clever. He was not even talented in a particular domain. Actually Tristan was a young penniless artist. He tried to earn some money by selling his paintings but it was not successful.
But one day, whereas he was wondering how to make ends meet, the phone rang. He hesitated to pick up. Indeed, this could be either his bank to be paid off or his owner to be paid his rent. But it was none of them. A woman's voice rose from the phone. Tristan would be expulsed of his flat, which was also his studio because of non-payment, unless he finds £5000 before the day after.
Tristan tried to argue but failed. 24 hours to pay £5000. Desperate, he went down the stairs and wandered aimlessly. He has walked for 3 hours when he trampled something, that cracked under his feet. He looked around and was astonished to discover a painting. He rose his foot and picked up the work. It was fascinating. It represented a portrait of a young lady, with long blond curled hair. She was blue-eyed and wore a blue dress. Her eyes were fixed in a weird expression, as if she was afraid and looked behind the spectator.
Tristan packed it up in his jacket and went back home as fast as possible.There, he unpacked it, cleaned it up with the utmost care and exposed it on his easel. The next day, he will go to the gallery to sell it but before, he wanted to admire it. He spent the rest of the night looking at the painting, until he has fallen asleep on his chair. But he was unable to dream. His thoughts were haunted by nightmares, evil, monsters, darkness. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, holding his breath. Everything was quiet in the obscurity of his room. He turned his head from right to left. Nothing. His eyes fell on the painting and shoke violently. The girl had disappeared. Instead of her stood a strong man, looking like a giant , with a machiavelic look. Amazed, Tristan came closer and the man tendered his arm, seized the painter by his shirt and pulled him towards him. Tristan was not able to struggle. He was brought back into the painting and remained still, fixed in a horror expression on the painting, until someone has looked at this brown-haired man.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2014 13:52
Message de moi21 posté le 29-11-2014 à 12:52:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai rédigé un texte à partir d'un sujet mais je n'ai pas de professeur pour le corriger.
Pourriez-vous le lire et m'indiquer mes erreurs?
Je vous remercie d'avance.
Tristan was not rich, neither beautiful nor very clever. He was not even talented in a particular domain. Actually Tristan was a young penniless artist. He tried to earn some money by selling his paintings but it was not successful.
But one day, whereas he was wondering how to make ends meet, the phone rang. He hesitated to pick up. Indeed, this could be either his bank to be paid off or his owner to be paid his rent. But it was none of them. A woman's voice rose from the phone. Tristan would be expulsed of his flat, which was also his studio because of non-payment, unless he finds £5000 before the day after.
Tristan tried to argue but failed. 24 hours to pay £5000. Desperate, he went down the stairs and wandered aimlessly. He has walked for 3 hours when he trampled something, that cracked under his feet. He looked around and was astonished to discover a painting. He rose his foot and picked up the work. It was fascinating. It represented a portrait of a young lady, with long blond curled hair. She was blue-eyed and wore a blue dress. Her eyes were fixed in a weird expression, as if she was afraid and looked behind the spectator.
Tristan packed it up in his jacket and went back home as fast as possible.There, he unpacked it, cleaned it up with the utmost care and exposed it on his easel. The next day, he will go to the gallery to sell it but before, he wanted to admire it. He spent the rest of the night looking at the painting, until he has fallen asleep on his chair. But he was unable to dream. His thoughts were haunted by nightmares, evil, monsters, darkness. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, holding his breath. Everything was quiet in the obscurity of his room. He turned his head from right to left. Nothing. His eyes fell on the painting and shoke violently. The girl had disappeared. Instead of her stood a strong man, looking like a giant , with a machiavelic look. Amazed, Tristan came closer and the man tendered his arm, seized the painter by his shirt and pulled him towards him. Tristan was not able to struggle. He was brought back into the painting and remained still, fixed in a horror expression on the painting, until someone has looked at this brown-haired man.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-11-2014 13:52
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