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Devoir /Tanzanie

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Devoir /Tanzanie
Message de toot0 posté le 13-09-2014 à 18:21:16 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir!
J'ai un devoir d'anglais à rendre, et je pense avoir fait des fautes,mais je voudrais apprendre de mes erreurs, ()
Pouvez-vous m'aider à me corriger s'il vous plaît ?
En vous remerciant d'avance pour votre précieuse aide,
toot0.

I’m going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa, and I sit down on an armchair directly in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I’ve something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied, concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there is only advantages to do it” ,I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yeah, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you go alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little bit afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity that do amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there is billions and billions poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop this”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable works. That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.
“I only agree up to a point… Who will pay your travelling and subsistence expenses? We are working very hard to make sure that you are happy, but we don’t have the money to do pay additional costs, you know!” She declared.
“It isn't a problem, VFP assume responsibility for the costs of the stay of the humanitarian residence… You really have to understand that it’s a unique opportunity for me. As a volunteer, I will see the Tanzanian Culture from the Inside; I mean that it will get me a glimpse of the local culture. Moreover, many employers and schools look favorably upon volunteer experience. Also, while I’ll be volunteering, I’ll certainly learn new skills and improve old ones, upgrading my communication, leadership, teamwork talents… To make a long story short, volunteering can keep me busy. I'll be able to meet new people and have exciting experiences, instead of sitting around and being bored with little or nothing to do, as I do every summer”, I explained them.
“All things considered, weighing the pros and cons, you made us change our mind… But don’t get too excited about it, the answer is not definitely affirmative, we have to request information from VFP and to speak with Sarah’s parents before taking a final decision » They said.
« Do you really think so? Thank you so much ! » I yelled.
Let’s get down to cases…finally, I went to Tanzania with Katia, i twas the dream of a lifetime, a very special adventure that I'll keep in mind forever… The long and the short of is that it was just an unforgettable experience.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-09-2014 18:57


Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de here4u, postée le 14-09-2014 à 11:20:13 (S | E)
Hello

I'll start, but will have to stop abruptly for now ..SORRY for it !

I’m going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa, and I sit down on an armchair directly in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I’ve(forme pleine) something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied,(rather) concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there is only advantages to do it” ,I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yeah, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you go alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little bit afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity that do amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there is billions and billions XX poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop this”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is (also) inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable work(s.) That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.

sorry, I must go ....I'll finish later !Very good work, anyway !



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 14-09-2014 à 14:40:10 (S | E)
Thank you so much for your help !!!

Voila j'ai modifié les erreurs en bleu et celles entre parenthèses, est-ce correct ?

I’m going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa, and I sit down in an armchair directly in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I have something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied, rather concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there are only advantages to do it” ,I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yeah, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you go alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little bit afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity that do amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there are millions and millions of poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop this”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is also inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable work. That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.

“I only agree up to a point… Who will pay your travelling and subsistence expenses? We are working very hard to make sure that you are happy, but we don’t have the money to pay additional costs, you know!” She declared.
“It isn't a problem, VFP assume responsibility for the costs of the stay of the humanitarian residence… You really have to understand that it’s a unique opportunity for me. As a volunteer, I will see the Tanzanian Culture from the Inside; I mean that it will get me a glimpse of the local culture. Moreover, many employers and schools look favorably upon volunteer experience. Also, while I’ll be volunteering, I’ll certainly learn new skills and improve old ones, upgrading my communication, leadership, teamwork talents… To make a long story short, volunteering can keep me busy. I'll be able to meet new people and have exciting experiences, instead of sitting around and being bored with little or nothing to do, as I do every summer”, I explained them.
“All things considered, weighing the pros and cons, you made us change our mind… But don’t get too excited about it, the answer is not definitely affirmative, we have to request information from VFP and to speak with Sarah’s parents before taking a final decision » They said.
« Do you really think so? Thank you so much! » I yelled.
Let’s get down to cases…finally, I went to Tanzania with Katia, it was the dream of a lifetime, a very special adventure that I'll keep in mind forever… The long and the short of it is that it was just an unforgettable experience.




Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de here4u, postée le 14-09-2014 à 21:18:11 (S | E)
hello
I'm back, in less of a rush ...

I’m going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa, and I sit down in an armchair directly in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I have something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied, rather concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there are only advantages to do it” ,I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yeah, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you go alone(là, je sens bien un bon vieux gérondif ...) on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little bit afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity (that) doing amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there are millions and millions of poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop this”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is also inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable work. That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.

“I only agree up to a point… Who will pay XXX your travel(ling) and subsistence expenses? We are working very hard to make sure that you are happy, but we don’t have the money to pay additional costs, you know!” She declared.
“It isn't a problem, VFP assume responsibility for the costs of the stay of the humanitarian residence??… You really have to understand that it’s a unique opportunity for me. As a volunteer, I will see the Tanzanian Culture from the Inside; I mean that it will get me a glimpse of the local culture. Moreover, many employers and schools look favorably upon volunteer experience. Also, while I’ll be volunteering, I’ll certainly learn new skills and improve old ones, upgrading my communication, leadership, teamwork talents… To make a long story short, volunteering can keep me busy. I'll be able to meet new people and have exciting experiences, instead of sitting(hanging) around and being bored with little or nothing to do, as I do every summer”, I explained XX them.
“All things considered, weighing the pros and cons, you made us change our mind… But don’t get too excited about it, the answer is not definitely affirmative, we have to request information from VFP and to speak with Sarah(who is she ?)’s parents before taking a final decision » They said.
« Do you really think so? Thank you so much! » I yelled.
Let’s get down to cases…finally, I went to Tanzania with Katia, it was the dream of a lifetime, a very special adventure that I'll keep in mind forever… The long and the short of it is that it was just an unforgettable experience.

Well done !



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 16-09-2014 à 18:11:11 (S | E)
Bonsoir! Je vous remercie de tout coeur pour votre aide.
Voici la nouvelle version du texte après que vous me l'ayez corrigé:

I'm going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa, and I sit down (je ne comprends pas l'erreur) in an armchair directly in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I have something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied, rather concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there are only advantages to do it” ,I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yeah, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you going alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little bit afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity doing amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there are millions and millions of poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop this”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is also inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable work. That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.
“I only agree up to a point… Who will pay for your travel and subsistence expenses? We are working very hard to make sure that you are happy, but we don’t have the money to pay additional costs, you know!” She declared.
“It isn't a problem, VFP assumes responsibility for the costs of the stay of the humanitarian trip... You really have to understand that it’s a unique opportunity for me. As a volunteer, I will see the Tanzanian Culture from the Inside; I mean that it will get me a glimpse of the local culture. Moreover, many employers and schools look favorably upon volunteer experience. Also, while I’ll be volunteering, I’ll certainly learn new skills and improve old ones, upgrading my communication, leadership, teamwork talents… To make a long story short, volunteering can keep me busy. I'll be able to meet new people and have exciting experiences, instead of hanging around and being bored with little or nothing to do, as I do every summer”, I explained to them.
“All things considered, weighing the pros and cons, you made us change our minds But don’t get too excited about it, the answer is not definitely affirmative, we have to request information from VFP and to speak Katia's parents before making a final decision » They said.
« Do you really think so? Thank you so much! » I yelled.
LLet’s get down to cases…finally, I went to Tanzania with Katia, it was the dream of a lifetime, a very special adventure that I'll keep in mind forever... The long and the short of it is that it was just an unforgettable experience.

-------------------
Modifié par toot0 le 16-09-2014 20:35



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 17-09-2014 à 18:38:56 (S | E)
Bonsoir! Pouvez-vous me répondre s'il vous plaît car je dois rendre mon devoir demain... Merci d'avance!



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de violet91, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:04:36 (S | E)
Bonsoir ,
Je prends le train en route pour que vous décompressiez ..
My parents are sitting ( now , at the moment , this minute ...) and you too ( now , at the moment , this minute ...) So ? Vous ne pouvez pas avoir de présent simple ...vous êtes dans la description de l'instant .
Quelques autres petits changements et ajouts a opérer , je pense ...
- Are you sure you want 'your ' father to say 'yeah ...' ? A little surprising ...( to me )
By the way , 'a little bit' doesn't sound very elegant , does it ?
- Vos parents après réflexion ont changé d'avis > j'emploierais le temps du bilan = present perfect ( là , vous les avez convaincus : leurs propos en apportent la preuve ) plutôt que ce prétérit .
- explained to them ( right , right ...) ...what about speaking X Katia's parents ?

Votre texte est drôlement intéressant et bien argumenté ! Bonne soirée .



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:16:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir! Merci beaucoup pour vos explications! En fait je voulais dire "mes parents sont assis", doncje devrais plutôt écrire "my parents are sat", et ensuite placer "I sit down" ?



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de here4u, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:27:32 (S | E)
Hello !
Pour indiquer une position => forme en -ing, toujours.
'I'm going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are in the living room, sitting on the sofa,= c'est parfait ! and I'm sitting in a chair ...'(si c'est un fauteuil, il a des bras)
Merci pour le mp. Je vais essayer de relire dès que je peux car je ne suis pas libre ce soir ...

Je n'aime pas 'assume responsibilities'
'while' => futur IMPOSSIBLE DERRIERE (je ne crie pas , ms c'est important !)
'you've made us change ...'
Good work !



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de violet91, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:30:34 (S | E)
Bonsoir again ! Surtout pas ! Vous semblez vous ' balader' plutôt bien dans la formulation anglophone et avez un anglais ( américain) bien fluide , déjà . Une erreur pareille est vraiment regrettable et sidérante de votre part .

- My parents are in ...., sitting ..était bizarre . Vous arrivez à 'my parents are sitting'( naturel) -forme be + -ing = description et mise en situation . Stick to it ...and just the same when you speak of you .
- do some volunteer work ..........to do 'it' ( work ?) ...well ...on peut améliorer ..
- un emploi de 'this 'qui serait mieux en 'that ' ( les parents sont réticents et désillusionnés ) .
- 'it will get me a glimpse of ...à reprendre . Traduction littérale de 'ça me donnera un aperçu ? ' I 'll get ( you mean , I suppose ) . A glimpse , pour moi , ne colle pas bien . Il y a sûrement plus simple et usité ...
- I don't really like 'directly' ( mot plus saxon ) in front of them nor ' While I'll be ..., I will ..' .( grammar )
- No capital letter 'they said '.

Hope this helps you enough .



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:40:19 (S | E)
Excusez-moi de vous embêter encore une fois, mais je n'ai pas compris ce que je devais faire...



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de here4u, postée le 17-09-2014 à 19:49:58 (S | E)
Sitting down = s'asseoir ; 'I'm sitting' = je suis assise !
Sorry, I must go !



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 17-09-2014 à 20:19:54 (S | E)
Encore une fois merci de tout mon coeur pour votre aide !
Est-ce correct à présent ?

I'm going to ask my parents if I can go to Tanzania during the summer holiday with my best friend Katia in order to do some volunteer work. They are sat in the sofa of the living room, and I sit down in an armchair in front of them.
“Dad, mum… How shall I put it…? I have something to ask you…” I began, with a quavering voice.
“What… what happened dear daughter?” They replied, rather concerned.
“Don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I have a project with Katia: we want to go to Tanzania during the summer holiday in order to do some volunteer work, I think that there are only advantages to do so”, I said.
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yes, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you going alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added.
“I understand that you can be a little afraid, but I won’t be alone, Katia will accompany me, and furthermore it’s an official trip with VFP (Volunteers For Peace); an American charity doing amazing work all over the world, so everything is well-organized, it’s very safe, be reassured !”, I objected.
“But why do you want to do volunteer work? It’s no use, there are millions and millions of poor people in the world, admit that on your own, you can do nothing to stop that”, Mum answered.
“Mum, the drop is part of the ocean and the ocean cannot exist without each one of its drops of water! The volunteers are the drops and the ocean is the incredible things they do together to improve living conditions of needy people. If all of them thought that way, no progress would be made. I sincerely believe that everyone, on his own scale, can make things happen. We cannot remain insensitive to extreme poverty. Not only is this unacceptable, it is also inhumane. That’s why I want to contribute, even modestly, to charitable work. That's really close to my heart”, I tried to convince her.
“I only agree up to a point… Who will pay for your travel and subsistence expenses? We are working very hard to make sure that you are happy, but we don’t have the money to pay additional costs, you know!” She declared.
“It isn't a problem; VFP takes responsibility for the costs of the stay of the humanitarian trip... You really have to understand that it’s a unique opportunity for me. As a volunteer, I will see the Tanzanian Culture from the Inside; I mean that I will get an overview of the local culture. Moreover, many employers and schools look favorably upon volunteer experience. Also, when I’ll be volunteering, I’ll certainly learn new skills and improve old ones, upgrading my communication, leadership, teamwork talents… To make a long story short, volunteering can keep me busy. I'll be able to meet new people and have exciting experiences, instead of hanging around and being bored with little or nothing to do, as I do every summer”, I explained to them.
“All things considered, weighing the pros and cons, you have made us change our minds But don’t get too excited about it, the answer is not definitely affirmative, we have to request information from VFP and to speak to Katia's parents before making a final decision »,they said.
« Do you really think so? Thank you so much! » I yelled.
Let’s get down to cases…finally, I went to Tanzania with Katia, it was the dream of a lifetime, a very special adventure that I'll keep in mind forever... The long and the short of it is that it was just an unforgettable experience!

-------------------
Modifié par toot0 le 17-09-2014 20:21



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de here4u, postée le 17-09-2014 à 23:00:55 (S | E)
Non non !

"they are sitting' ... 'and 'I'm sitting' !
'to improve XXX living conditions of needy people. I...'
' to speak XX K's parents...'
'when I’ll be volunteering,'futur impossible !(while,when = conjonctions de subordination temporelles)

Même avec ces quelques fautes, ce sera un excellent devoir à ce niveau !



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 17-09-2014 à 23:52:49 (S | E)
Je ne sais comment vous remercier pour toute l'aide que vous m'avez apportée...

Je vous tiens au courant pour la note ;)



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de tdu6300, postée le 18-09-2014 à 02:14:51 (S | E)
Bonjour
Il me semble qu'il y a une répétition dans la phrase suivante :
“I don’t see it that way”, Mum retorted. “Yes, it’s is out of the question, I’m dead against you going alone on the other side of the world!!!” Dad added
C'est it's ou it is, mais pas les deux.

J'ai peur que ma réponse arrive un peu tard.
Cordialement.



Réponse: Devoir /Tanzanie de toot0, postée le 18-09-2014 à 17:47:31 (S | E)
Bonsoir, j'ai consulté le forum ce matin avant d'aller en cours et j'ai pu faire la modification ;) Je vous remercie pour votre correction ^^




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