Aide /cover letter
Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En basMessage de paris1357 posté le 07-08-2014 à 13:12:19 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider à corriger ma lettre de motivation? Sachant que je l'utilise en Angleterre.
Merci beaucoup par avance, cela m'aiderait beaucoup.....

Dear Sir or Madam,
With many commercial experiences, I would like to join your company.
I have been graduated from a business school in Paris, and I had diferent successful experiences, including experiences in which I talked 3 languages: a fluent english and spanish, and my nativ language french. I worked 12 month with too rental car companies, Hertz and Avis, in stresful and exigent situations, so I used to manage every kind of circumstances, being hard-working, eficient and profesional. I also had an experience for 9 month as seller with GoSport, an international company focused about sport products, and diferent jobs as commercial (hunting).
To work with you would be a great opportunity to evolve in a fast and profesional environment, working with people from all around the world. I’d appreciated to quickly adapt to your environment, and give my best to succeed.
I don’t have restrictions about planings, so I can work Sunday and nights, according to your specific needs. Give me the posibility to work with you, and I’ll prove you my integrity, dynamism, and motivations.
I look forward to meeting you.
Your sincerely,
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-08-2014 14:08
Réponse: Aide /cover letter de sherry48, postée le 07-08-2014 à 16:27:31 (S | E)
Hello.
Words underlined are spelling errors.
With many commercial experiences, I would like to join your company.
I have (been) graduated from a business school in Paris, and I had diferent (You could use various instead) successful experiences, including experiences in which I talked




To work (I would use a noun form, instead of the infinitive, as you did in the next phrase & leave it out the second) with you would be a great opportunity to evolve in a fast and profesional environment, working with people from all around the world. I’d appreciated


I don’t have restrictions about planings,

There are still some areas to improve, but this is a good start.
Regards,
Sherry

Réponse: Aide /cover letter de here4u, postée le 07-08-2014 à 18:22:46 (S | E)
Hello,



If you're really willing to send this letter to England, you should change quite a few more things, besides what Sherry already corrected you ...
Experience = knowledge = uncountable and singular in

-Change 'I used to ' into : 'I'm used to managing ...'
En

I think it's not a good idea to speak about your future schedules ...When you ask for a position, you should show you're ready to take anything without letting them think that normally, you wouldn't work at night or at weekends ...

Allez ! bon courage !



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