Correction/Mon avis
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Message de kaleid posté le 18-05-2014 à 16:46:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
Je souhaiterais que quelqu'un(s'il a le temps et la gentillesse) puisse m'aider à corriger ainsi que m'expliquer mes fautes si possible. Dans ce texte je dois donner mon point de vue sur le meilleur exposé qui a été présenté lors d'un concours.
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
Luca's work was the best work because it was very interesting.When he was talking about it he spoke loudly and clearly.Moreover, it didn't stammer and he knew how attract the attention.When I began to listen his work I was subjuged, it was wonderful.His work focused about Nelson Mandela, a man who after hearing the elder's stories about his ancestor's valour during the war of resistance, he dreamed also making his own contribution to the freedom struggle of his people.He was a man brave and determined even after he was send to the cell, he continued to run after his dream. How a splendid man!And in the end his dream became reality!He even became in 1994 the first South Africa's president democratically ellected.Even after his retirment he continued to help people.
Luca has even put in his work a film trailer where Nelson appeared.It was very a beautiful trailer.
Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne journée et je remercie encore ceux (ou celles) qui m'aideront.
Cordialement,
Kaleid.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-05-2014 18:26
Message de kaleid posté le 18-05-2014 à 16:46:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!
Je souhaiterais que quelqu'un(s'il a le temps et la gentillesse) puisse m'aider à corriger ainsi que m'expliquer mes fautes si possible. Dans ce texte je dois donner mon point de vue sur le meilleur exposé qui a été présenté lors d'un concours.
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
Luca's work was the best work because it was very interesting.When he was talking about it he spoke loudly and clearly.Moreover, it didn't stammer and he knew how attract the attention.When I began to listen his work I was subjuged, it was wonderful.His work focused about Nelson Mandela, a man who after hearing the elder's stories about his ancestor's valour during the war of resistance, he dreamed also making his own contribution to the freedom struggle of his people.He was a man brave and determined even after he was send to the cell, he continued to run after his dream. How a splendid man!And in the end his dream became reality!He even became in 1994 the first South Africa's president democratically ellected.Even after his retirment he continued to help people.
Luca has even put in his work a film trailer where Nelson appeared.It was very a beautiful trailer.
Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne journée et je remercie encore ceux (ou celles) qui m'aideront.
Cordialement,
Kaleid.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-05-2014 18:26
Réponse: Correction/Mon avis de gerondif, postée le 18-05-2014 à 18:19:37 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
Luca's work was the best work because it was very interesting.When he was talking (prétérit simple)about it, he spoke loudly and clearly.Moreover, it didn't stammer and he knew how to attract the attention.When I began to listen to his work I was subjuged(orthographe), it was wonderful.His work focused about Nelson Mandela, a man who after hearing the elders' stories about his ancestors' valour during the war of resistance, he(en trop) dreamed also of making his own contribution to the freedom struggle of his people.He was a man(le nom se place après les adjectifs épithètes) brave and determined even after he was send (participe passé) to the cell(ne se dit pas), he continued to run after his dream. How(mauvais choix de forme exclamative: What a big mistake!!) a splendid man!And in the end his dream became reality!He even became in 1994 the first South Africa's president (soit the first President of South Africa, soit: South Africa's first President) democratically elected.Even after his retirement (thanks, Violet!!) he continued to help people.
Luca has even put in his work a film trailer where Nelson appeared.It was very a beautiful trailer.
Réponse: Correction/Mon avis de violet91, postée le 18-05-2014 à 19:44:23 (S | E)
Hi ,
... Luca or Lucas rather ( be careful with the genitive, then ) , and retirement .
Bye
Réponse: Correction/Mon avis de kaleid, postée le 21-05-2014 à 15:59:07 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Tout d'abord je tiens à vous remercier pour votre aide.Cette dernière m'aura apporté beaucoup.
Donc, voici mon texte après correction. Merci pour vos réponses.
Luca's work was the best work because it was very interesting.When he talked about it he spoke loudly and clearly.Moreover, he didn't stammer and he knew how to attract attention.When I began to listen his work I was captivated, it was wonderful.His work focused Nelson Mandela, a man who after hearing the elders' stories about his ancestors' valour during the war of resistance, dreamed also of making his own contribution to the freedom struggle of his people.He was a brave and determined man even after he was sent to the jail, he continued to run after his dream. What a splendid man!And in the end his dream became reality!He even became in 1994 South Africa's first President democratically elected.Even after his retirment he continued to help people.
Luca has even put in his work a film trailer where Nelson appeared.It was very a beautiful trailer.
Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne journée et je vous remercie encore pour votre aide.
Cordialement,
Kaleid.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 21-05-2014 18:05
Réponse: Correction/Mon avis de rantanplan42, postée le 26-05-2014 à 12:55:20 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Encore 4 petites erreurs.Voilà les corrections :
1)"listen to his work"
2)"focused on "
3)"to jail"
4)"retirement"
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-05-2014 14:18
Réponse: Correction/Mon avis de rantanplan42, postée le 26-05-2014 à 12:59:03 (S | E)
Et aussi : "it was A very beautiful trailer"
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