Aide/Churchill
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Message de ferdi posté le 14-05-2014 à 15:26:29 (S | E | F)
Hello
pourriez-vous relire mon texte et corriger les éventuelles fautes s'il vous plaît ? ce serait vraiment génial ;)
D'avance merci ;)
Winston Churchill is a hero of the Second World War! He was born in a very rich family. His father was an important politician for the United Kingdom. The childhood of Churchill wasn’t very happy… He was a bad student, he hadn’t friends, and they martyred him. His father was very hard with him…he said ‘’you are stupid’’ and he placed in the army. During the First World War he was captured but he succeeded to break free and he became a hero. After that he became a military officer in 1915. His new mission was ‘’take the Dardannelles’’. But eh failed...this day 252.000 English people dyed. After that, he had to stop his military career and the politic. After the war he had a depression... He started to smoke and drink many more than before... But in 1940, the war was again declared and the government called to mister Churchill and said :'' We need your help Mister...Nobody can do the war better than you...'' and he became the first minister ! He was the man of the situation... Without him, UK could be German ! Thank to Churchill, the USA helped us to fight and win the war... He was a great man even if he did some errors in his life...
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2014 18:48
Message de ferdi posté le 14-05-2014 à 15:26:29 (S | E | F)
Hello
pourriez-vous relire mon texte et corriger les éventuelles fautes s'il vous plaît ? ce serait vraiment génial ;)
D'avance merci ;)
Winston Churchill is a hero of the Second World War! He was born in a very rich family. His father was an important politician for the United Kingdom. The childhood of Churchill wasn’t very happy… He was a bad student, he hadn’t friends, and they martyred him. His father was very hard with him…he said ‘’you are stupid’’ and he placed in the army. During the First World War he was captured but he succeeded to break free and he became a hero. After that he became a military officer in 1915. His new mission was ‘’take the Dardannelles’’. But eh failed...this day 252.000 English people dyed. After that, he had to stop his military career and the politic. After the war he had a depression... He started to smoke and drink many more than before... But in 1940, the war was again declared and the government called to mister Churchill and said :'' We need your help Mister...Nobody can do the war better than you...'' and he became the first minister ! He was the man of the situation... Without him, UK could be German ! Thank to Churchill, the USA helped us to fight and win the war... He was a great man even if he did some errors in his life...
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2014 18:48
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de gerondif, postée le 14-05-2014 à 15:48:15 (S | E)
Hello,
Winston Churchill is a hero of the Second World War! He was born in a very rich family. His father was an important politician for the United Kingdom. The childhood of (un cas possessif passerait mieux)Churchill wasn’t very happy… He was a bad student, he hadn’t(il vaudrait mieux utiliser le verbe lexical have et l'auxiliaire did) friends, and they martyred him. His father was very hard with him…he said ‘’you are stupid’’ and he placed in the army. During the First World War he was captured but he succeeded(in +ing) to break free and he became a hero. After that he became a military officer in 1915. His new mission was to ‘’take the Dardannelles’’. But he failed...this day 252.000 English people dyed. After that, he had to stop his military career and
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de ferdi, postée le 14-05-2014 à 16:53:00 (S | E)
Un tout grand merci
grâce à vous j'aurai 10/10 :D
Bonne journée
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2014 18:50
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de ferdi, postée le 14-05-2014 à 17:12:46 (S | E)
J'ai suivi vos indications et ai effectuè la correction
Winston Churchill is a hero of the Second World War! He was born in a very rich family. His father was an important politician for the United Kingdom. Churchill's childhood wasn’t very happy… He was a bad student, he didn't have any friend, and he was the black sheep of the school. His father was very hard with him…he said ‘’you are stupid’’ and he sent Winston to the army. During the First World War he was captured but he succeeded in breaking free and became a hero. After that he became a military officer in 1915. His new mission was to ‘’take the Dardannelles’’. But he failed... During the attack, 252.000 English soldiers died. After that, he had to stop his military career. After the war he had a depression... He started to smoke and drink a lot more than before... But in 1940, the war was again declared and the government called Mr Churchill and said :'' We need your help Sir...Nobody can do the war better than you...'' and he became the first minister ! He was the man of the situation... Without him, UK would be German ! Thanks to Churchill, the USA helped us to fight and win the war... He was a great man even if he did some mistake in his life...
Thank you very much
votre correction était super bien réalisée et m'a appris certaines choses utiles c'est vraiment super sympa ce que vous avez fait Bonne soirée
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2014 18:51
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de gerondif, postée le 14-05-2014 à 17:43:44 (S | E)
Hello again,
voila j'ai suivi vos indications et ai effectué la correction (aller boum moins 3!!)
bleu ou rouge: erreurs.
vert: corrections effectuées!
Winston Churchill is (plutôt was) a hero of the Second World War! He was born in a very rich family. His father was an important politician for the United Kingdom. Churchill's childhood wasn’t very happy… He was a bad student, he didn't have any friends, and he was the black sheep of the school. His father was very hard with him…he said ‘’you are stupid’’ and he sent Winston to the army. During the First World War he was captured but he succeeded in breaking free and became a hero. After that he became a military officer in 1915. His new mission was "to take the Dardannelles’’. But he failed... During the attack, 252.000 English soldiers died. After that, he had to stop his military career. After the war he had a depression... He started to smoke and drink a lot (ou bien much) more than before... But in 1940, the war was again declared (un peu maladroit, war broke out again ou alors the second world war was declared)and the government called Mr Churchill and said :'' We need your help Sir...Nobody can do the war (faire la guerre se dit "to wage war"(super littéraire) ou to make war)better than you...'' and he became the first(j'avais raté celle là! The P...... Minister avec des majuscules) minister ! He was the man of the situation... Without him, the UK would be German ! Thanks to Churchill, the USA helped us to fight and win the war... He was a great man even if he did (to make a mistake!!)some mistake(pluriel) in his life...
Allez, encore un effort pour atteindre la moyenne!
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de violet91, postée le 14-05-2014 à 21:01:52 (S | E)
Hello ,
Je me permettrai d'ajouter
- que sa mère ne lui consacrait que très peu de temps : his mother would spend very little time with him .- que 250.000 soldats ( un point français ) deviendra une virgule en anglais : 250,000 soldiers .
- qu'une dépression dans ce contexte est a nervous breakdown .
- que pour la concordance , on pourrait préférer - the UK would have been German .
Harceler un élève : to bully . ( bully-boys sont les violents ) > to be bullied : être harcelé .
- a black sheep : une brebis galeuse , une 'mauvaise graine ' .
- a whipping-boy : une tête de ----, une victime toute désignée .
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de ferdi, postée le 18-05-2014 à 18:49:29 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour toutes vos explications
c'est super je viens à l'instant d'envoyer mon texte à la prof
je vous tiens au courant de mes points encore un tout tout tout grand merci
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-05-2014 22:05
Réponse: Aide/Churchill de ferdi, postée le 30-05-2014 à 17:34:53 (S | E)
La prof m'a rendu mon devoir
j'ai eu 16/20 
elle a coté vache, il y avait seulement 2 petites fautes (un ''the'' de trop et un oubli de ''s'')
Merci beaucoup et en route pour les exams
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