Correction /article de presse
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Message de nayah posté le 10-04-2014 à 19:29:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois rédiger un article de presse complétement inventé (thème libre). Du coup j'ai choisi de parler de l'histoire d'un couple de jeunes mariés qui fuient leur nouvelle maison après avoir découvert qu'elle était hantée. J'aurais bien aimé avoir quelques corrections sur la forme, notamment sur l'emploi des temps s'il vous plaît.
Merci pour votre aide.
When Julie and Philippe Moreau decided to rent their very first house together in Paris, little did they know that their dream would turn into a nightmare. Yet it had all started so well for that young couple in their thirties, hailing from the Parisian suburbs. After their recent marriage, they felt it was the right time to settle once and for all in Paris. They were right away charmed by this beautiful 19th century house they visited in the 12th arrondissement near Bastille. “A sumptuous house in the heart of the City of Light, who would refuse that?” Mrs Moreau recollects “But one thing should have set us thinking: the price, a very low one for a property that exceptional.” Without the slightest hesitation, the couple bought the house. One month after…they were gone. Did it have anything to do with the house? Definitely, according to Mr Moreau. “The landlord has forgotten to tell us one little detail” he explains with bitterness “the horrible story of those who once lived in that house!” Indeed, the couple found out, astonished, that the place was the site of tragic events dating back from several years ago. An entire family had been killed within its walls and the murderer had never been found. But as terrible as the story was, it could have remained secret so why did Mr and Mrs Moreau started to investigate the past of the house? For one simple reason: the paranormal activities they started to be victims of.
No sooner had Julie and Philippe moved in their new house than they started to hear strange noises: “The first night, we were eating quietly in the dining room when we heard a loud roar coming from our bedroom! At that moment, my husband and I rushed into the room and found out our ivory statuette, a wedding-gift dear to our heart, completely broken into pieces on the floor- while it was kept in a safe place! Julie explains, still shocked by what happened. “After that, we had decided to move on and forget what happened that night. We only would like to make a fresh start in this new house” Philippe added. Despite this event, the couple decided to stay in their house, living as if nothing has never happened. But they had not reckoned on new paranormal phenomena: “A month later, I was peacefully taking a nap on the sofa when, suddenly, I was violently thrown on the floor. Something, a kind of strength, was grasping my right leg! After few second, I saw a sort of ghost, which was moving quickly. I felt immediately that it was an evil ghost. Don’t ask me why, I have just felt that deep inside me. I was so terrified to see it that I shouted as loud as I could!” The wife asserts. This was the moment when Philippe came home from work and found out his wife completely stunned on the floor. This time there was no longer any doubt: the house was haunted.
The couple had no other choice but to leave the house. “We had spent all our money into the house; we were helpless, homeless...” Julie Moreau laments. But instead of giving up, they opted for an incredible decision: suing their landlord. They accused him of having knowingly rent a haunted house. Of course, the latter refuted the allegations against him “I have already rented this house to other people before and none of them encountered such problem!” he answered “That’s why there was no point in mentioning the tragedy that took place there”. To sort out the problem, the court hired experts to determine if the house was really haunted or not. After several days of investigations and tests of all sorts to detect any paranormal activity, it turned out that all the strange events that occurred in the house were the result of… hallucinations. Unbelievably, a high quantity of hallucinogens was spreading in the house and people who were exposed to it for hours were soon victims of frightening visions. If the former tenants were not affected it’s because the gas leak was not important yet. Then, as it appeared that the trouble was not link to the past of the house, the landlord was not charged for having rented a haunted house. Instead he had to renovate the house in order to make it entirely safe. However Mr and Mrs Moreau categorically refused go back into the house.
Their decision urged the landlord to completely renovate the house, with the firm intention of renting it again and as soon as possible. Actually, it has worked! Few months after this event, the house was rented by a new family, a couple and their three lovely children. Nevertheless, only five days after they moved in, they hurriedly fled the house, leaving all their belonging behind them, without giving any concrete explanation. So, what happened? Was it the ghost again? Or something else? The mystery remains…
Message de nayah posté le 10-04-2014 à 19:29:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois rédiger un article de presse complétement inventé (thème libre). Du coup j'ai choisi de parler de l'histoire d'un couple de jeunes mariés qui fuient leur nouvelle maison après avoir découvert qu'elle était hantée. J'aurais bien aimé avoir quelques corrections sur la forme, notamment sur l'emploi des temps s'il vous plaît.
Merci pour votre aide.
When Julie and Philippe Moreau decided to rent their very first house together in Paris, little did they know that their dream would turn into a nightmare. Yet it had all started so well for that young couple in their thirties, hailing from the Parisian suburbs. After their recent marriage, they felt it was the right time to settle once and for all in Paris. They were right away charmed by this beautiful 19th century house they visited in the 12th arrondissement near Bastille. “A sumptuous house in the heart of the City of Light, who would refuse that?” Mrs Moreau recollects “But one thing should have set us thinking: the price, a very low one for a property that exceptional.” Without the slightest hesitation, the couple bought the house. One month after…they were gone. Did it have anything to do with the house? Definitely, according to Mr Moreau. “The landlord has forgotten to tell us one little detail” he explains with bitterness “the horrible story of those who once lived in that house!” Indeed, the couple found out, astonished, that the place was the site of tragic events dating back from several years ago. An entire family had been killed within its walls and the murderer had never been found. But as terrible as the story was, it could have remained secret so why did Mr and Mrs Moreau started to investigate the past of the house? For one simple reason: the paranormal activities they started to be victims of.
No sooner had Julie and Philippe moved in their new house than they started to hear strange noises: “The first night, we were eating quietly in the dining room when we heard a loud roar coming from our bedroom! At that moment, my husband and I rushed into the room and found out our ivory statuette, a wedding-gift dear to our heart, completely broken into pieces on the floor- while it was kept in a safe place! Julie explains, still shocked by what happened. “After that, we had decided to move on and forget what happened that night. We only would like to make a fresh start in this new house” Philippe added. Despite this event, the couple decided to stay in their house, living as if nothing has never happened. But they had not reckoned on new paranormal phenomena: “A month later, I was peacefully taking a nap on the sofa when, suddenly, I was violently thrown on the floor. Something, a kind of strength, was grasping my right leg! After few second, I saw a sort of ghost, which was moving quickly. I felt immediately that it was an evil ghost. Don’t ask me why, I have just felt that deep inside me. I was so terrified to see it that I shouted as loud as I could!” The wife asserts. This was the moment when Philippe came home from work and found out his wife completely stunned on the floor. This time there was no longer any doubt: the house was haunted.
The couple had no other choice but to leave the house. “We had spent all our money into the house; we were helpless, homeless...” Julie Moreau laments. But instead of giving up, they opted for an incredible decision: suing their landlord. They accused him of having knowingly rent a haunted house. Of course, the latter refuted the allegations against him “I have already rented this house to other people before and none of them encountered such problem!” he answered “That’s why there was no point in mentioning the tragedy that took place there”. To sort out the problem, the court hired experts to determine if the house was really haunted or not. After several days of investigations and tests of all sorts to detect any paranormal activity, it turned out that all the strange events that occurred in the house were the result of… hallucinations. Unbelievably, a high quantity of hallucinogens was spreading in the house and people who were exposed to it for hours were soon victims of frightening visions. If the former tenants were not affected it’s because the gas leak was not important yet. Then, as it appeared that the trouble was not link to the past of the house, the landlord was not charged for having rented a haunted house. Instead he had to renovate the house in order to make it entirely safe. However Mr and Mrs Moreau categorically refused go back into the house.
Their decision urged the landlord to completely renovate the house, with the firm intention of renting it again and as soon as possible. Actually, it has worked! Few months after this event, the house was rented by a new family, a couple and their three lovely children. Nevertheless, only five days after they moved in, they hurriedly fled the house, leaving all their belonging behind them, without giving any concrete explanation. So, what happened? Was it the ghost again? Or something else? The mystery remains…
Réponse: Correction /article de presse de bluetouch, postée le 10-04-2014 à 20:46:52 (S | E)
>Bonjour, voici une proposition de correction... Néanmoins, vous parlez d'un couple qui achète une maison et ensuite d'une location. On perd le fil et on ne sait plus trop ce qu'il en est. Revoyez-le.
Bon courage.
When Julie and Philippe Moreau decided to rent their very first house together in Paris, little did they know that their dream would turn into a nightmare. Yet it had all started so well for that young couple in their thirties, hailing from the Parisian suburbs. After their recent marriage, they felt it was the right time to settle once and for all in Paris. They were right away charmed by this beautiful 19th century house they visited in the 12th arrondissement near Bastille. “A sumptuous house in the heart of the City of Light: who would refuse that?” Mrs Moreau recollects “But one thing should have set us thinking: the price, a very low one for a property that exceptional.” Without the slightest hesitation, the couple bought the house. One month after…they were gone. Did it have anything to do with the house? Definitely, according to Mr Moreau. “The landlord has forgotten to tell us one little detail” he explains with bitterness “the horrible story of those who once lived in that house!” Indeed, the couple found out, astonished, that the place had been the site of tragic events dating back from several years before. An entire family had been killed within its walls and the murderer had never been found. But as terrible as the story was, it could have remained secret so why did Mr and Mrs Moreau start to investigate the past of the house? For one simple reason: the paranormal activities they started to be the victims of.
No sooner had Julie and Philippe moved into their new house that they started to hear strange noises: “The first night, we were eating quietly in the dining room when we heard a loud roar coming from our bedroom! At that moment, my husband and I rushed into the room and found out our ivory statuette, a wedding-gift dear to our heart, completely broken into pieces on the floor- though it was kept in a safe place! Julie explains, still shocked by what happened. “After that, we decided to move on and forget what had happened that night. We only wanted to make a fresh start in this new house” Philippe added. Despite this event, the couple decided to stay in their house, living as if nothing had never happened. But they had not reckoned on new paranormal phenomena: “A month later, I was peacefully taking a nap on the sofa when, suddenly, I was violently thrown on the floor. Something, a kind of strength, was grasping my right leg! After a few seconds, I saw a sort of ghost, which was moving quickly. I felt immediately that it was an evil ghost. Don’t ask me why, I just felt that deep inside me. I was so terrified to see it that I shouted as loud as I could!” The wife asserts. This was the moment when Philippe came home from work and found out his wife completely stunned on the floor. This time there was no doubt any longer: the house was haunted.
The couple had no other choice but to leave the house. “We had spent all our money into the house; we were helpless, homeless...” Julie Moreau laments. But instead of giving up, they opted for an incredible decision: suing their landlord. They accused him of having knowingly rent a haunted house. Of course, the latter refuted the allegations against him “I have already rented this house to other people before and none of them encountered such problem!” he answered “That’s why there was no point in mentioning the tragedy that took place there”. To sort out the problem, the court hired experts to determine if the house was really haunted or not. After several days of investigations and tests of all sorts to detect any paranormal activity, it turned out that all the strange events that occurred in the house were the result of… hallucinations. Unbelievably, a high quantity of hallucinogens was spreading in the house and people who were exposed to it for hours were soon victims of frightening visions. If the former tenants were not affected it’s because the gas leak was not important at that time. But, as it appeared that the trouble was not linked to the past of the house, the landlord has not been charged for renting a haunted house. Instead he has had to renovate the house in order to make it entirely safe. However Mr and Mrs Moreau categorically have refused go back into the house.
Réponse: Correction /article de presse de bluetouch, postée le 10-04-2014 à 20:51:54 (S | E)
Their decision urged the landlord to completely renovate the house, with the firm intention of renting it again and as soon as possible. Actually, it has worked! Few months after this event, the house was rented by a new family, a couple and their three lovely children. Nevertheless, only five days after they moved in, they hurriedly fled from the house, leaving all their belongings behind them, without giving any concrete explanation. So, what happened? Was it the ghost again? Or something else? The mystery remains…
(fin)
Réponse: Correction /article de presse de nayah, postée le 10-04-2014 à 23:23:09 (S | E)
Merci pour cette correction aussi rapide qu'efficace! J'ai bien pris note des modifications à faire et je vais changer quelques phrases pour rendre l'article plus cohérent.
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