Oral /Lieux et formes pouvoir
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Message de azizak posté le 03-04-2014 à 20:53:21 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir tout le monde
je suis en terminale S et lundi j'ai mon épreuve orale de bac en anglais, sachant que je suis en anglais LV1 je ne peux vraiment pas me 'planter' sur cet oral; c'est pour ça que je vous demande un petit peu d'aide pour corriger mon texte s'il vous plait. Le thème est Lieux et formes de pouvoir :
INTRO : In a country where during several centuries the citizens fought to assert their rights and their freedom, can we criticize the existence of some rights?
( il me manque le plan , je ne sais pas exactement lequel mettre encore.
1ERE PARTIE : Long used in the world, the death penalty had a lot of success because she allowed to solve definitively the problem of the big criminals and the recidivists. Nowadays, after some reflections, almost all countries of the world have decided to abolish this practice because it brings more drawbacks than advantages. The USA are among the few countries that have retained even if the reviews are mixed. Some Americains think that the death penalty is a right in the fact where it allows victims' families to be relieved and to have a vengeance in the case of serious crimes as explains it a judge of Pennsylvania questioned about the subject, but many problems come to be added because according to him innocents can be condemned to death like that was often the case before we don’t know how to use the DNA as proof. Other Americans think that it’s preferable and more human to kill somebody rather than to lock him for life behind bars even if there are other means of punishment, what also allows to make room in prisons for most other criminals. The most surprising are that despite the fact that we know that innocents are killed, the majority of the Americans are for the death penalty, and aspire what is more it is acceptable to lose some innocents if it can dissuade the other people to commit crimes.
"TRANSITION" : The number of people sentenced to death varies from a State to an other one, but who can explain these differences?
2EME PARTIE : Texas, with its culture of the Wild West, has more people sentenced to death. The same culture which, paradoxically in the death penalty which aims at avoiding the crimes, gave the right to the Americans to carry weapons. A poster which we studied in class puts prominently the fact that the carrying of fire arms is even authorized encouraged by the law, the USA is a nation of guns and this right deeply written in everyone’s mind. This right is almost acquired by all because we just need to be 18 haven’t committed felonies, in the Colorado for example, to be able to carry a gun. Without permit, an adult can possess all the firearms which he wishes (except military stuff) provided that they are visible on him. Studies showed that there are many more crimesby firearms in the countries where the carrying of guns is used that in the countries where it’s forbidden. Dangers associated with this right are many because it’s sensible to allow to protect itself while it’is used most of the time to settle his account. A song that we studied relates the story of a boy who commits a murder by firearm and reject hisresponsibilities saying that he is too young, the father denies in his turn the responsibility saying that he didn’t teach his son how to handle a gun. Media man, producers of violent films etc. are accused one after the other, but finally the real guilty is it not the State itself authorize the carrying of guns and keep it rooted in its culture?
CONCLUSION : In conclusion, it would seem that some rights have more drawbacks than advantages, and although they are deeply rooted in the culture of a country it would be necessary to think of modifying them even to abolish them
Je trouve mes parties un peu trop longues et ma conclusion trop courte donc j'aurais besoin de vos avis, vos conseils et quelques corrections s'il vous plait parce que je suis pas très douée en anglais.
Je vous remercie de me consacrer un peu de votre temps.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-04-2014 20:59
Message de azizak posté le 03-04-2014 à 20:53:21 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir tout le monde
je suis en terminale S et lundi j'ai mon épreuve orale de bac en anglais, sachant que je suis en anglais LV1 je ne peux vraiment pas me 'planter' sur cet oral; c'est pour ça que je vous demande un petit peu d'aide pour corriger mon texte s'il vous plait. Le thème est Lieux et formes de pouvoir :
INTRO : In a country where during several centuries the citizens fought to assert their rights and their freedom, can we criticize the existence of some rights?
( il me manque le plan , je ne sais pas exactement lequel mettre encore.
1ERE PARTIE : Long used in the world, the death penalty had a lot of success because she allowed to solve definitively the problem of the big criminals and the recidivists. Nowadays, after some reflections, almost all countries of the world have decided to abolish this practice because it brings more drawbacks than advantages. The USA are among the few countries that have retained even if the reviews are mixed. Some Americains think that the death penalty is a right in the fact where it allows victims' families to be relieved and to have a vengeance in the case of serious crimes as explains it a judge of Pennsylvania questioned about the subject, but many problems come to be added because according to him innocents can be condemned to death like that was often the case before we don’t know how to use the DNA as proof. Other Americans think that it’s preferable and more human to kill somebody rather than to lock him for life behind bars even if there are other means of punishment, what also allows to make room in prisons for most other criminals. The most surprising are that despite the fact that we know that innocents are killed, the majority of the Americans are for the death penalty, and aspire what is more it is acceptable to lose some innocents if it can dissuade the other people to commit crimes.
"TRANSITION" : The number of people sentenced to death varies from a State to an other one, but who can explain these differences?
2EME PARTIE : Texas, with its culture of the Wild West, has more people sentenced to death. The same culture which, paradoxically in the death penalty which aims at avoiding the crimes, gave the right to the Americans to carry weapons. A poster which we studied in class puts prominently the fact that the carrying of fire arms is even authorized encouraged by the law, the USA is a nation of guns and this right deeply written in everyone’s mind. This right is almost acquired by all because we just need to be 18 haven’t committed felonies, in the Colorado for example, to be able to carry a gun. Without permit, an adult can possess all the firearms which he wishes (except military stuff) provided that they are visible on him. Studies showed that there are many more crimesby firearms in the countries where the carrying of guns is used that in the countries where it’s forbidden. Dangers associated with this right are many because it’s sensible to allow to protect itself while it’is used most of the time to settle his account. A song that we studied relates the story of a boy who commits a murder by firearm and reject hisresponsibilities saying that he is too young, the father denies in his turn the responsibility saying that he didn’t teach his son how to handle a gun. Media man, producers of violent films etc. are accused one after the other, but finally the real guilty is it not the State itself authorize the carrying of guns and keep it rooted in its culture?
CONCLUSION : In conclusion, it would seem that some rights have more drawbacks than advantages, and although they are deeply rooted in the culture of a country it would be necessary to think of modifying them even to abolish them
Je trouve mes parties un peu trop longues et ma conclusion trop courte donc j'aurais besoin de vos avis, vos conseils et quelques corrections s'il vous plait parce que je suis pas très douée en anglais.
Je vous remercie de me consacrer un peu de votre temps.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-04-2014 20:59
Réponse: Oral /Lieux et formes pouvoir de azizak, postée le 04-04-2014 à 16:20:13 (S | E)
UP!
Vraiment personne ne peut m'aider ?
Réponse: Oral /Lieux et formes pouvoir de bluestar, postée le 05-04-2014 à 13:23:22 (S | E)
Bonjour..
INTRO : In a country where during several centuries the citizens fought to assert their rights and their freedom, can we criticize the existence of some rights?
1ERE PARTIE : Long used in the world, the death penalty had (temps?) a lot of success has been very effective because she
"TRANSITION" : The number of people sentenced to death varies from a State to another (un mot) one, but who can explain these differences?
2EME PARTIE : Texas, with its culture of the Wild West, has more people sentenced to death. The same culture which, paradoxically
CONCLUSION : In conclusion, it would seem that some rights have more drawbacks than advantages, and although they are deeply rooted in the culture of a country it would be necessary to think of modifying them or even to abolish them
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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-04-2014 22:33
Bug couleur réparé.
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