Serial killer/Correction
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Message de korimizu posté le 28-01-2014 à 09:07:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai une rédaction à faire(Faire la première page d'un journal sur le thème d'un serial killer).Je n'en ai fait qu'une partie..
Pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance!
Mon devoir:
THE HIDDEN FACE OF PARIS.
Series of bloody murders
Who is the outlaw ?
Atroucious discoveries
Since year 2013, 3 women were murdered by the same unknown man in Paris.xxx was mutilated near a church, xxx's corpse was discovered in a dump and xxx was killed under a very large Tree.This murderer manages to escape the police for 10 months while continuing his crimes.The police are at the heart of the investigation.
The Forensics didn't find any fingerprint of the serial killer despite the great mobilization.Many arrests,searchs with helicopters have been done by the police but they were not very useful.Numerous witnesses were interviewed,here are some excerpts :
Witness n°4 : « He is very tall,but his face was covered. »
Witness n°2 : « A unfortunate woman has been killed by his monster.He have a sharp knife with a revolver.My dog didn't survive also.. »
Despite the testimonies,we haven't got any information about his physical.The continuation will be very hard..
The only startling event is the following : A box was received by a policeman of « 36 , Quai des Orfèvres » with a trachea(a little rotton) cake inside and a letter inside. After a few days,2 women and the poliman were murdered by him.The first victim's head was severed,the second victim was shot in the head but for the third we can't say anything..
Dr xxx who is Pathological Curator of the Paris Hospital Museum, examined the cake and pronounced it was really a human trachea.He thinks that it the organ of a woman about 35 years of age.Autopsies will be performed by a forensic physician to determine the cause of death of many victims.
In a few days,the parisian will have a curfew and the city will be monitored by police patrols.Tomorrow,a white march will be performed in tribute to the victims.
My condolences to the families affected by this tragedy.
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Modifié par korimizu le 28-01-2014 09:40
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2014 12:18
Message de korimizu posté le 28-01-2014 à 09:07:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai une rédaction à faire(Faire la première page d'un journal sur le thème d'un serial killer).Je n'en ai fait qu'une partie..
Pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance!
Mon devoir:
THE HIDDEN FACE OF PARIS.
Series of bloody murders
Who is the outlaw ?
Atroucious discoveries
Since year 2013, 3 women were murdered by the same unknown man in Paris.xxx was mutilated near a church, xxx's corpse was discovered in a dump and xxx was killed under a very large Tree.This murderer manages to escape the police for 10 months while continuing his crimes.The police are at the heart of the investigation.
The Forensics didn't find any fingerprint of the serial killer despite the great mobilization.Many arrests,searchs with helicopters have been done by the police but they were not very useful.Numerous witnesses were interviewed,here are some excerpts :
Witness n°4 : « He is very tall,but his face was covered. »
Witness n°2 : « A unfortunate woman has been killed by his monster.He have a sharp knife with a revolver.My dog didn't survive also.. »
Despite the testimonies,we haven't got any information about his physical.The continuation will be very hard..
The only startling event is the following : A box was received by a policeman of « 36 , Quai des Orfèvres » with a trachea(a little rotton) cake inside and a letter inside. After a few days,2 women and the poliman were murdered by him.The first victim's head was severed,the second victim was shot in the head but for the third we can't say anything..
Dr xxx who is Pathological Curator of the Paris Hospital Museum, examined the cake and pronounced it was really a human trachea.He thinks that it the organ of a woman about 35 years of age.Autopsies will be performed by a forensic physician to determine the cause of death of many victims.
In a few days,the parisian will have a curfew and the city will be monitored by police patrols.Tomorrow,a white march will be performed in tribute to the victims.
My condolences to the families affected by this tragedy.
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Modifié par korimizu le 28-01-2014 09:40
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2014 12:18
Réponse: Serial killer/Correction de bluduck2, postée le 28-01-2014 à 09:48:56 (S | E)
Hello korimizu ,
Je suggère de corriger d'abord quelques fautes de grammaire de base
--l.7 he has ,-- l.2 (durée)FOR + present perfect
--l.8 my dog /to survive simple past
--l.1 "unknown" est un adjectif ;il faut le faire suivre d'un nom (man/person/)
--l.1 pas d'article devant la date (year 2013 ,Monday, January 20th)
En ce qui concerne le vocabulaire . --l.2 s'enfuir= to flee, to run away mais--échapper (se soustraire)=to escape ,to get away from .
--l.8 l'aspect physique =look
--l.8 préférez "unfortunate" à "luckless"
--l.2 "réussir à" =to manage to(+infinitif) , to succeed in (+Verb+ing).
I hope this helps ! Bluduck2
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2014 12:22
Réponse: Serial killer/Correction de korimizu, postée le 28-01-2014 à 13:39:01 (S | E)
Voilà c'est corrigé.
Par contre je n'ai pas trouvé pour 'he has' et pour "look"..
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2014 19:11
Réponse: Serial killer/Correction de korimizu, postée le 28-01-2014 à 17:34:41 (S | E)
Bonjour,
La suite du texte a été mise,ce serait gentil de la corriger aussi s'il vous plaît.
Merci d'avance!
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2014 19:12
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