Espace et échange/correction
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Message de nourghandour posté le 02-01-2014 à 20:15:21 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir ,
s'il vous plait pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon oral d'anglais sur la notion espace et échange et me donner votre avis sur le contenu?
Merci pour vos réponses.
Through trade, conquest, emigration and communication, nations have always influenced others beyond their borders and have always been influenced, culturally, economically, politically or scientifically. Geographically, our world has never seemed smaller as transportation and telecommunications have accelerated the rhythm of exchanges. So, new forms of influence, new spaces – such as global cities – new forms of exchanges are emerging. Peoples and nations, thanks to this evolution, now keep on borrowing the languages and cultures of other peoples and nations at an ever increasing rate, thus deeply transforming our world. the different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information . The immigration is linked to this notion as it implies the motion of legal and illegal people to other countries. Immigration: from dream to disillusion. The search for better living conditions is the cause of many immigrations in developing countries.Immigration has spread around the world. Public-spirited being of a healthy country, a protected environment where your children will have one of the best educations as New Zeland is one of the wishes for numerous people. It is what Sam Sefuiva tells during the committee(commission) of human rights. The immigration offers the multiculturalism or numerous ethnic groups live together.For him, New zealand which offers many advantages to those who lives there. In New Zealand, immigration is very varied: European, Maori, Asian ......When a country hostes immigrants, this country is building its relations with the countries of origin of immigrants and ensure its future development : economic, social politic development, for exemple, new zealand is a minor Anglo saxons country , a major player with asian and the americas ; and these ties bring them a th strengh necessary to pursue ambitious goals for their ever-evolving country , and nurture their optimistic outlook on their nation's future.The American dream was the trigger to push populations immigrate.The American Dream is still alive and attractsimmigrants like a magnet. It is a permannt fascination . An essential phase of this phenomenon was the immigration of Mexicans in America. Many mexicans are attracted to the usa because of the promise of a better life , a new life bringing more wealth and material comfort. It is more than just changing horizons for them , since it sometimes appears as a question of survival for the whole family. But the adaptation or rather the acceptance of the immigration was the difficult beginning. Indeed, various versions of the facts were told: on one hand, conflicts, tensions were born between the local populations and the immigrants. As for example, in one of the texts studied in class, a leader(head) tells the war and the brutality invade the country during the arrival of the English people in New Zealand. On the other hand, Maori assert that a treaty of equality was signed between both parts(parties) to avoid any confrontation but the English people broke him(it). A second exemple,The Pilgrim Fathers were arrived in America in 1620 with mayflowers seeking refuge because of the many social and economic instabilities. But the English came to America illegally. Several images show that the Natives were against this immigration and built a wall to prevent immigration because foreigners won't learn their language or assimilate into their culture. Migrants' lives is not always easy, in fact when they migrate, they are not considered egual to the local populations.Some are more equal than others. For xemple, in a picture sees in class , they are carrying bags, look resigned, they are waiting patiently to be given som food after the flood. They may lost everything , may be destitute. They may have fallen below the poverty lineThey are standing in front of a billboard that promotes the American way of life. There is a sharp contrast between the the group of immigrants and those who are in the picture behind them. The haves and the havesnot . I take the slogan on the poster like ironic . But the poverty is not the only problem of immigration. Nowadays, one of the main consequences of immigration is racism. Most local people have a lot of racist acts in AGAINST of the immigrants, for example in terms of skin color, accent. For example , in one picture we studied in class, a police offecer of Arizona demand to Lady Liberty : i can tell by the clor of your skin you're not from around here , are you? But this image also appear a topic llegal immigration was once seen as a means of development of this new land. But now the debate has changed: illegal immigration or undocumented immigrants are a big problem for societies with money problems, people found this way the most efficace. But the reality on illegal immigration is far from being pleasant The mexican want to migrate to the usa illegally , they are candidates for immigration but are undocumented aliens truying to sneak across the border , so they need the help of guides . They depend entirely on them. Their fate is in thir hands. The american guides are greedy smugglers who made a deal with them and who are only taking advantage of the situation to make profit . They do not seem to have any qualms of conscience , . What's more , the mexicans are treated like cattle by the guides and maniplated by those unscrupulous men. They are mistreated . They are travelling in inhumane conditions and do not have a say. For example , in classe , we studied a document about that , when the Mexican found the truck that will lead to america, the cohort's driver ran a gun on passengers, it presents itself as a scam The notion spaces out and exchanges can define itself as being the fact of giving and of receiving in equal profit in - delàs of the geographical borders, but in the case of the immigration, it was not still proved because it is true that the immigrants offered to the country conductor one multiculture and many workforce but had in return only bad conditions of life in most of the cases.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2014 21:10
Message de nourghandour posté le 02-01-2014 à 20:15:21 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir ,
s'il vous plait pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon oral d'anglais sur la notion espace et échange et me donner votre avis sur le contenu?
Merci pour vos réponses.
Through trade, conquest, emigration and communication, nations have always influenced others beyond their borders and have always been influenced, culturally, economically, politically or scientifically. Geographically, our world has never seemed smaller as transportation and telecommunications have accelerated the rhythm of exchanges. So, new forms of influence, new spaces – such as global cities – new forms of exchanges are emerging. Peoples and nations, thanks to this evolution, now keep on borrowing the languages and cultures of other peoples and nations at an ever increasing rate, thus deeply transforming our world. the different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected to each other. The exchanges can appear on many forms: people, trade, information . The immigration is linked to this notion as it implies the motion of legal and illegal people to other countries. Immigration: from dream to disillusion. The search for better living conditions is the cause of many immigrations in developing countries.Immigration has spread around the world. Public-spirited being of a healthy country, a protected environment where your children will have one of the best educations as New Zeland is one of the wishes for numerous people. It is what Sam Sefuiva tells during the committee(commission) of human rights. The immigration offers the multiculturalism or numerous ethnic groups live together.For him, New zealand which offers many advantages to those who lives there. In New Zealand, immigration is very varied: European, Maori, Asian ......When a country hostes immigrants, this country is building its relations with the countries of origin of immigrants and ensure its future development : economic, social politic development, for exemple, new zealand is a minor Anglo saxons country , a major player with asian and the americas ; and these ties bring them a th strengh necessary to pursue ambitious goals for their ever-evolving country , and nurture their optimistic outlook on their nation's future.The American dream was the trigger to push populations immigrate.The American Dream is still alive and attractsimmigrants like a magnet. It is a permannt fascination . An essential phase of this phenomenon was the immigration of Mexicans in America. Many mexicans are attracted to the usa because of the promise of a better life , a new life bringing more wealth and material comfort. It is more than just changing horizons for them , since it sometimes appears as a question of survival for the whole family. But the adaptation or rather the acceptance of the immigration was the difficult beginning. Indeed, various versions of the facts were told: on one hand, conflicts, tensions were born between the local populations and the immigrants. As for example, in one of the texts studied in class, a leader(head) tells the war and the brutality invade the country during the arrival of the English people in New Zealand. On the other hand, Maori assert that a treaty of equality was signed between both parts(parties) to avoid any confrontation but the English people broke him(it). A second exemple,The Pilgrim Fathers were arrived in America in 1620 with mayflowers seeking refuge because of the many social and economic instabilities. But the English came to America illegally. Several images show that the Natives were against this immigration and built a wall to prevent immigration because foreigners won't learn their language or assimilate into their culture. Migrants' lives is not always easy, in fact when they migrate, they are not considered egual to the local populations.Some are more equal than others. For xemple, in a picture sees in class , they are carrying bags, look resigned, they are waiting patiently to be given som food after the flood. They may lost everything , may be destitute. They may have fallen below the poverty lineThey are standing in front of a billboard that promotes the American way of life. There is a sharp contrast between the the group of immigrants and those who are in the picture behind them. The haves and the havesnot . I take the slogan on the poster like ironic . But the poverty is not the only problem of immigration. Nowadays, one of the main consequences of immigration is racism. Most local people have a lot of racist acts in AGAINST of the immigrants, for example in terms of skin color, accent. For example , in one picture we studied in class, a police offecer of Arizona demand to Lady Liberty : i can tell by the clor of your skin you're not from around here , are you? But this image also appear a topic llegal immigration was once seen as a means of development of this new land. But now the debate has changed: illegal immigration or undocumented immigrants are a big problem for societies with money problems, people found this way the most efficace. But the reality on illegal immigration is far from being pleasant The mexican want to migrate to the usa illegally , they are candidates for immigration but are undocumented aliens truying to sneak across the border , so they need the help of guides . They depend entirely on them. Their fate is in thir hands. The american guides are greedy smugglers who made a deal with them and who are only taking advantage of the situation to make profit . They do not seem to have any qualms of conscience , . What's more , the mexicans are treated like cattle by the guides and maniplated by those unscrupulous men. They are mistreated . They are travelling in inhumane conditions and do not have a say. For example , in classe , we studied a document about that , when the Mexican found the truck that will lead to america, the cohort's driver ran a gun on passengers, it presents itself as a scam The notion spaces out and exchanges can define itself as being the fact of giving and of receiving in equal profit in - delàs of the geographical borders, but in the case of the immigration, it was not still proved because it is true that the immigrants offered to the country conductor one multiculture and many workforce but had in return only bad conditions of life in most of the cases.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2014 21:10
Réponse: Espace et échange/correction de carr30, postée le 05-01-2014 à 12:59:55 (S | E)
Hi nourghandou
This a long piece with some complicated ideas. Unfortunately it needs some work to make it more correct.
The changes below highlight the more serious errors.
Try to limit your sentences to 1 point = 1 sentence.
Good luck.
The exchanges can appear
The search for better living conditions is the cause of
Public-spirited being of a healthy country, a protected environment where your children will have one of the best educations as New Zeland is one of the wishes for numerous people. This sentence needs rewriting, I suggest starting with 'New Zealand is...'
The immigration offers the multiculturalism or numerous ethnic groups live together. This sentence needs rewriting
For him, New zealand
In New Zealand, immigration is very varied: European, Maori, Asian ..... Maoris are not NZ immigrants. They are natives. Do you mean the population is varied?
.When a country hostes immigrants, this country is building its relations with the countries of origin of immigrants and ensure its future development : economic, social politic development, for exemple, new zealand is a minor Anglo saxons country , a major player with asian and the americas ; and these ties bring them a th strengh necessary to pursue ambitious goals for their ever-evolving country , and nurture their optimistic outlook on their nation's future This needs rewriting as 2 or 3 separate sentences. Check the spellings.
.The American dream was the trigger to push populations
. It is a permannt fascination . Spelling
An essential phase of this phenomenon was the
On the other hand, Maori assert that a treaty of equality was signed between both
A second exemple,The Pilgrim Fathers
Several images show that the Natives were against this immigration and built a wall to prevent immigration because foreigners wouldn't learn their language or assimilate into their culture.
Migrants' lives
Some are more equal than others. For xemple, in a picture sees in class , they are carrying bags, looking resigned and they are waiting patiently to be given some food after the flood.
They may have lost everything , they may be destitute.
The haves and the have nots . I take the slogan on the poster
But the poverty is not the only problem of immigration ....for migrants?.
Most local people have a lot of racist acts
For example , in one picture we studied in class, a police offecer
But this image also appear a topic ??? llegal immigration was once seen as a means of development of this new land.
But now the debate has changed: illegal immigration or undocumented immigrants are a big problem for societies with money problems, people found this way the most efficace???? .
The mexican wants to migrate to the usa illegally. They are candidates for... seeking immigration but are undocumented aliens truying to sneak across the border , so they need the help of guides .
Their fate is in thir hands.
For example , in classe , we studied a document about
The notion spaces out and .......of life in most of the cases. This sentence needs breaking up.
Réponse: Espace et échange/correction de nourghandour, postée le 05-01-2014 à 20:37:19 (S | E)
Thanks so much for the help
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