Rédaction/Ellis Island

Rédaction/Ellis Island
Message de digorie posté le 31-12-2013 à 14:49:19 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Déjà je commence par vous souhaiter une joyeuse année 2014.
Ensuite, j aimerais que vous m aidiez à corriger cette rédaction. Je dois faire le journal intime d'un jeune immigrant. J'ai fini ma rédaction et ce serait super sympa de faire une correction.
Dans tous les cas merci beaucoup à vous et bonnes fêtes !!

Dear diary,
I am now in Ellis Island, and I can see the promise land, as said my parents. What a beautiful city! They are many big towers, here they say “buildings “. But unfortunately the access to New York City is away for the moment.
Today, in the boat where we were compressed, we learnt that we arrived in the day. I was so excited to discover this new place. After we landed on this island whose agent told us the name: Ellis Island.
I have met a man who I give to verify my passport and he asked me some questions about my origins and why I want to live in America.
Now I must to stay in a little place, they said that they have to check my health. I don’t know if I will come back to Europe, it is impossible, I don’t have any family except my mother. It’s my last chance.
I am afraid, I am alone. If only my mother could come with me. I don’t know if she is in life. I wonder if someone could give me her news and then help me and take care of myself. But I must continue, it’s that she wants.
Now I am an adult and I must take my responsibilities. I hope I will be allowed to join New York City and maybe find a family to care of myself. But one day, I will find my mother, and if I can’t find him, I will killed his murderer.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 31-12-2013 15:33

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Réponse: Rédaction/Ellis Island de carr30, postée le 31-12-2013 à 17:59:06 (S | E)
Hello,

I've marked the problems. I hope your mother is well.



Dear diary,
I am now in Ellis Island, and I can see the promised land, as said my parents had said. What a beautiful city! They ..wrong pronoun are many big towers, here they say...'call them' is better “buildings “. But unfortunately the access to New York City is far away 'Away' means it is not there, 'far away' means it is there but at a distance for the moment.
Today, in the boat where we were compressed 'packed' is better for people, gasses are compressed , we learnt that we had pluperfect here makes sense arrived in the day. I was so excited to discover this new place. After we landed on this island whose agent told us the name: Ellis Island.
I have met a man who I give to verify my passport problem here with word order and he asked me some questions about my origins and why I want to live in America.
Now I must to 'must' takes infinitive without 'to' stay in a little place, they said that they have to check my health. I don’t know if I will come back to Europe, it is impossible, I don’t have any family except my mother. It’s my last chance.
I am afraid, I am alone. If only my mother could come with me. I don’t know if she is in life alive. I wonder if someone could give me her news and then help me and take care of myself I take care of myself, someone takes care of me. But I must continue, it’s that she wants.
Now I am an adult and I must take my responsibilities. I hope I will be allowed to join New York City and maybe find a family to care of myself Take care of me/ care for me. But one day, I will find my mother, and if I can’t find him, I will killed his murderer. Who was murdered? 'Him' and 'his' tells me that it is man who has been murdered

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