Grapes of Wrath/ Correction
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Message de happyboy3311 posté le 16-11-2013 à 19:22:57 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
Nous avons étudié "Les Raisins de la Colère" en anglais et notre professeur nous a demandé d'écrire une scène comme celle de l'expulsion des fermiers dans le livre. Je pense avoir fait quelques erreurs, pouvez-vous m'aider à les trouver s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses !
(Kate is alone, sitting on a chair. Louise comes).
L: Hi sweetie, I have something to tell you… Don’t interrupt me please. So… here it is… the nightclub where I worked closed down for two weeks now. Moreover, our savings flew to new horizons unfortunately. We can’t pay the bills.
(Kate remains quite a long time. Miss Susan rings at the door.)
L: (is screaming) who is it?
K: Pull on the little lever and the lock will open.
S: Hello, I’m Miss Susan. I come on behalf of the bank. Well, I will be clear. You are in a bad situation. Right now you have no more money from what I saw on the report. Necessarily, I will be compelled to expel your flat except if you can propose anything else.
L: What? It’s a joke! Are you serious? You can’t… (Kate is stopping to talk him)
K: (by a cold tone) do you see the writing on the wall? I’m pregnant, my husband is left, aren’t you satisfied yet?
L: We have already loads of problems! I have walked oneself to death every day in order to offer to my sister and her baby a grateful life! And that’s how honest people are rewarded according to you?
S: I know it’s unfair. However, I can’t fight against my job, the laws and the State.
K: You are completely unconscious! I won’t live in the street with a baby and just one blanket!
S: You don’t have the choice.
L: You mean we are fighting a losing battle? Miss, you are a monster! How can you to make it? You doom us to the death… (Her voice is breaking)
S: (she has backed away) Well… I’m deeply confused… I just make my work, I’m clean. If I didn’t do my job, it’s me who would be homeless with my cat and just a blanket too (is looking Kate). I’m not the guilty! I don’t make the laws! (Is coming closer to the sisters)
(Kate seems to be white as a sheet) (Short time of silence)
L: Don’t you have other solutions? Please… please, we need it…
K: Mind your own business! You have such a lack of humanity. Have you got family, a husband? Have you ever felt the love of your own child?
S: Indeed, I have a daughter. She’s just three years old. But actually, I’m widowed.
(Long time of silence)
S: (hesitant) I go to try to give you an extension of two weeks, no more... (The sisters are hugging) Next time, perhaps you won’t receive someone as sympathetic.
(Kate collapses after Susan leaves)
K: What do we go to do? (Is crying)
L: Everything will be fine. I promise you… I promise you that we stay always together. I promise you we will manage. I promise you a life rich and beautiful. I can earn money in the street with my guitar. Everything will be fine Kate, everything is ok…
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-11-2013 20:47
Message de happyboy3311 posté le 16-11-2013 à 19:22:57 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
Nous avons étudié "Les Raisins de la Colère" en anglais et notre professeur nous a demandé d'écrire une scène comme celle de l'expulsion des fermiers dans le livre. Je pense avoir fait quelques erreurs, pouvez-vous m'aider à les trouver s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses !
(Kate is alone, sitting on a chair. Louise comes).
L: Hi sweetie, I have something to tell you… Don’t interrupt me please. So… here it is… the nightclub where I worked closed down for two weeks now. Moreover, our savings flew to new horizons unfortunately. We can’t pay the bills.
(Kate remains quite a long time. Miss Susan rings at the door.)
L: (is screaming) who is it?
K: Pull on the little lever and the lock will open.
S: Hello, I’m Miss Susan. I come on behalf of the bank. Well, I will be clear. You are in a bad situation. Right now you have no more money from what I saw on the report. Necessarily, I will be compelled to expel your flat except if you can propose anything else.
L: What? It’s a joke! Are you serious? You can’t… (Kate is stopping to talk him)
K: (by a cold tone) do you see the writing on the wall? I’m pregnant, my husband is left, aren’t you satisfied yet?
L: We have already loads of problems! I have walked oneself to death every day in order to offer to my sister and her baby a grateful life! And that’s how honest people are rewarded according to you?
S: I know it’s unfair. However, I can’t fight against my job, the laws and the State.
K: You are completely unconscious! I won’t live in the street with a baby and just one blanket!
S: You don’t have the choice.
L: You mean we are fighting a losing battle? Miss, you are a monster! How can you to make it? You doom us to the death… (Her voice is breaking)
S: (she has backed away) Well… I’m deeply confused… I just make my work, I’m clean. If I didn’t do my job, it’s me who would be homeless with my cat and just a blanket too (is looking Kate). I’m not the guilty! I don’t make the laws! (Is coming closer to the sisters)
(Kate seems to be white as a sheet) (Short time of silence)
L: Don’t you have other solutions? Please… please, we need it…
K: Mind your own business! You have such a lack of humanity. Have you got family, a husband? Have you ever felt the love of your own child?
S: Indeed, I have a daughter. She’s just three years old. But actually, I’m widowed.
(Long time of silence)
S: (hesitant) I go to try to give you an extension of two weeks, no more... (The sisters are hugging) Next time, perhaps you won’t receive someone as sympathetic.
(Kate collapses after Susan leaves)
K: What do we go to do? (Is crying)
L: Everything will be fine. I promise you… I promise you that we stay always together. I promise you we will manage. I promise you a life rich and beautiful. I can earn money in the street with my guitar. Everything will be fine Kate, everything is ok…
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-11-2013 20:47
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 17-11-2013 à 16:41:19 (S | E)
Est-ce que la dernière phrase vous semble correcte grammaticalement s'il vous plait ?
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de lucile83, postée le 17-11-2013 à 19:02:14 (S | E)
Hello,
L: Everything will be fine. I promise you… I promise you that we'll always stay together. I promise you we will manage. I promise you a rich and beautiful life. I can earn money in the street with my guitar. Everything will be fine Kate, everything is ok…
Now it is ok
Sorry, I haven't enough time to proofread your whole text.
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 17-11-2013 à 19:07:14 (S | E)
Thank you a lot lucile83
Bonne soirée à vous !Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de sherry48, postée le 17-11-2013 à 20:01:30 (S | E)
Hello.
You have some great ideas! Take a look at the areas in blue. Can you improve them?
Kate is alone, sitting on a chair. Louise enters).
L: Hi sweetie, I have something to tell you… Don’t interrupt me please. So… here it is… the nightclub where I worked closed down for two weeks now. Moreover, our savings flew to new horizons unfortunately. We can’t pay the bills.
(Kate remains quite a long time. Miss Susan rings at the door.)
L: (
K: Pull on the little lever and the lock will open.
S: Hello, I’m Miss Susan. I _____ come on behalf of the bank. Well, I will be clear. You are in a bad situation. Right now you have no more money from what I saw on the report. Necessarily, I will be compelled to expel____ ______ your flat except if you can propose anything else.
L: What? It’s a joke! Are you serious? You can’t… (Kate is stopping to talk him)
K: (by a cold tone) do you see the (hand)writing on the wall? I’m pregnant, my husband is left, aren’t you satisfied yet?
L: We have already loads of problems! I have walked oneself to death every day in order to offer to my sister and her baby a grateful life! And that’s how honest people are rewarded according to you?
S: I know it’s unfair. However, I can’t fight against my job, the laws and the State.
K: You are completely unconscious! I won’t live in the street with a baby and just one blanket!
S: You don’t have the choice.
L: You mean we are fighting a losing battle? Miss, you are a monster! How can you to make it? You doom us to
S: (she has backed away) Well… I’m deeply confused… I just make my work, I’m clean. If I didn’t do my job, it’s me who would be homeless with my cat and just a blanket too (
(Kate seems to be white as a sheet) (Short time/period of silence)
L: Don’t you have any other solutions? Please… please, we need it…
K: Mind your own business! You have such a lack of humanity. Have you got family, a husband? Have you ever felt the love of your own child?
S: Indeed, I have a daughter. She’s just three years old. But actually, I’m widowed.
(Long time/period of silence)
S: (hesitantly) I go to try to give you an extension of two weeks, no more... (The sisters are hugging) Next time, perhaps you won’t receive someone as sympathetic as.....
(Kate collapses after Susan leaves)
K: What do we go to do? (Is crying)
L: Everything will be fine. I promise you… I promise you that we _____ stay always together. I promise you we will manage. I promise you a life (adjectives first)rich and beautiful. I can earn money in the street with my guitar. Everything will be fine Kate, everything is ok…
Sherry
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 17-11-2013 à 20:27:33 (S | E)
Thank you a lot for your answer ! Now, is it better ?
(Kate is alone, sitting on a chair. Louise enters).
L: Hi sweetie, I have something to tell you… Don’t interrupt me please. So… here it is… the nightclub where I was working closed down for two weeks now. Moreover, our savings flew to new horizons unfortunately. We can’t pay the bills.
(Kate remains silent a long time. Miss Susan rings at the door.)
L: (is screaming) who is it?
K: Pull on the little lever and the lock will open.
S: Hello, I’m Miss Susan. I come on behalf of the bank. Well, I will be clear. You are in a bad situation. Right now you have no more money from what I saw on the report. So, I will be compelled to expel you of your flat unless you can propose anything else.
L: What? It’s a joke! Are you serious? You can’t… (Kate is stopping to talk)
K: (on a cold tone) do you see the writing on the wall? I’m pregnant, my husband is left, aren’t you satisfied yet?
L: We already have loads of problems! I have walked myself to death every day in order to offer to my sister and her baby a magnificent life! And that’s how honest people are rewarded according to you?
S: I know it’s unfair. However, I can’t fight against my job, the laws and the State.
K: You are completely unaware! I won’t live in the street with a baby and just one blanket!
S: You don’t have choice.
L: You mean we are fighting a losing battle? Miss, you are a monster! How can you make it? You doom us to death… (Her voice is breaking)
S: (she has backed away) Well… I’m deeply confused… It’s just my work, I’m clean. If I didn’t do my job, it’s me who would be homeless with my cat and just a blanket too (Looking to Kate). I’m not the guilty! I don’t make the laws! (Coming closer to the sisters)
(Kate seems to be white as a sheet) (Short time of silence)
L: Don’t you have any solutions? Please… please, we need it…
K: Mind your own business! You have such a lack of humanity. Have you got family, a husband? Have you ever felt the love of your own child?
S: Indeed, I have a daughter. She’s just three years old. But actually, I’m widowed.
(Long time of silence)
S: (hesitantly) I will try to give you an extension of two weeks, no more... (The sisters are hugging) Next time, perhaps you won’t receive someone as sympathetic as….
(Kate collapses after Susan leaves)
K: What will we do? (Is crying)
L: Everything will be fine. I promise you… I promise you that we’ll always stay together. I promise you we will manage. I promise you a rich and beautiful life. I can earn money in the street with my guitar. Everything will be fine Kate, everything is ok…
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de sherry48, postée le 17-11-2013 à 23:33:40 (S | E)
Hello again.
Yes, it is much better. Just a few more areas to look at.
L: Hi sweetie, I have something to tell you… Don’t interrupt me please. So… here it is… the nightclub where I was working closed down
(Kate remains silent a long time. Miss Susan rings at the door.)
L: (
S: Hello, I’m Miss Susan. I come (a perfect tense would be better) on behalf of the bank. Well, I will be clear. You are in a bad situation. Right now you have no more money from what I saw on the report. So, I will be ( present is better)compelled to expel you of (different preposition) your flat unless you can propose anything else.
K: (in a cold tone) do you see the writing on the wall? I’m pregnant, my husband is left, aren’t you satisfied yet?
K: You are completely unaware (unfeeling?)! I won’t live in the street with a baby and just one blanket!
S: You don’t have (indefinite article) choice.
L: You mean we are fighting a losing battle? Miss, you are a monster! How can you make it? You doom us to death… (Her voice is breaking)
S: (she has backed away) Well… I’m deeply confused… It’s just my work, I’m clean. If I didn’t (present tense is better)do my job, it’s me who would be homeless with my cat and just a blanket too (Looking to Kate). I’m not the guilty (if you keep the article, you need to have a noun too)! I don’t make the laws! (Coming closer to the sisters)
S: (hesitantly) I will try to give you an extension of two weeks, no more... (The sisters are hugging) Next time, perhaps you won’t receive someone as sympathetic as I am.
(Kate collapses after Susan leaves)
K: What will we do? (
Sherry
Réponse: Grapes of Wrath/ Correction de happyboy3311, postée le 18-11-2013 à 18:14:02 (S | E)
Thank you ! I have corrected my homework ! Thank you again
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-11-2013 18:20
Homework, without an 's'.
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