Correction/ Invictus
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Message de happyboy3311 posté le 15-09-2013 à 19:00:46 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pour l'école, je dois choisir un document et expliquer mon choix.
J'ai choisi Invictus, de William Ernest Henley.
Malheureusement, je n'arrive pas à voir mes fautes... pouvez-vous me les indiquer s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses !
Invictus is a poem of William Ernest Henley.
He wrote it in 1875 on his hospitalbed, after an important operation.
He dreamed of a better life.
I choose this poem for a lot of reasons.
First of all, Invictus speaks about will, strength and courage.
It enjoins to confront the difficultys.
In my pont of view, it's a call to psychological strength on account of th epower of poem's words.
Let us add Invictus means invincible.
Therefore, it's the spirit's power.
Considering that Henley suffered physically a lot, he needed to trust in his soul.
I want to add that Invictus in the favourite poem of Nelson Mandela.
When he was in prison, he found its courage in the Henley's words.
Now, this poem is very famous thanks to the movie of Clint Eatswood, Invictus.
This movie use particularly the two last verses of William Ernest Henley :
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
To conclude, I would like to say that Invictus is universal and is a symbol of courage and will.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-09-2013 20:14
Message de happyboy3311 posté le 15-09-2013 à 19:00:46 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Pour l'école, je dois choisir un document et expliquer mon choix.
J'ai choisi Invictus, de William Ernest Henley.
Malheureusement, je n'arrive pas à voir mes fautes... pouvez-vous me les indiquer s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses !
Invictus is a poem of William Ernest Henley.
He wrote it in 1875 on his hospitalbed, after an important operation.
He dreamed of a better life.
I choose this poem for a lot of reasons.
First of all, Invictus speaks about will, strength and courage.
It enjoins to confront the difficultys.
In my pont of view, it's a call to psychological strength on account of th epower of poem's words.
Let us add Invictus means invincible.
Therefore, it's the spirit's power.
Considering that Henley suffered physically a lot, he needed to trust in his soul.
I want to add that Invictus in the favourite poem of Nelson Mandela.
When he was in prison, he found its courage in the Henley's words.
Now, this poem is very famous thanks to the movie of Clint Eatswood, Invictus.
This movie use particularly the two last verses of William Ernest Henley :
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
To conclude, I would like to say that Invictus is universal and is a symbol of courage and will.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-09-2013 20:14
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de lucile83, postée le 16-09-2013 à 09:48:07 (S | E)
Hello
Les principales fautes sont indiquées en bleu.Faites une 1ère correction.
Invictus is a poem of William Ernest Henley.
He wrote it in 1875 on his hospitalbed, after an important operation.
He dreamed of a better life.
I choose this poem for a lot of reasons.
First of all, Invictus speaks about will, strength and courage.
It enjoins to confront the difficultys. que voulez-vous dire?
In my pont of view, it's a call to psychological strength on account of th epower of poem's words.
Let us add Invictus means invincible.
Therefore, it's the spirit's power.
Considering that Henley suffered physically a lot, he needed to trust in his soul. que voulez-vous dire?
I want to add that Invictus in the favourite poem of Nelson Mandela. cas possessif
When he was in prison, he found its courage in the Henley's words.
Now, this poem is very famous thanks to the movie of Clint Eatswood, Invictus.
This movie use particularly the two last verses of William Ernest Henley :
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
To conclude, I would like to say that Invictus is universal and is a symbol of courage and will.
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de bluduck2, postée le 16-09-2013 à 11:08:49 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Quelques suggestions pour happyboy.
je te suggère de revoir le "cas possessif" (génitif):
Clint Eastwood's movie ;a favourite poem of Nelson Mandela's (poems est sous entendu),mais the words of the poem (et non the poem's words).
Par ailleurs, je préférerais "dreamt" à "dreamed" xxx
Pour "transmettre"," faire passer une idée ,ou un sentiment",je suggère le verbe "to convey" .
Le thème d'Invictus est intéressant et suscite beaucoup de réflexions . Tu devrais avoir une bonne note !
Bluduck 2
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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-09-2013 11:18
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de happyboy3311, postée le 16-09-2013 à 12:01:52 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup à vous !
Donc ça donnerait :
Invictus is a poem by William Ernest Henley.
He wrote it in 1875 on his hospital bed, after an important operation.
He dreamt of a better life.
I chosen this poem for a lot of reasons.
First of all, Invictus conveys about will, strength and courage.
It enjoins to confront the difficulties.
In my point of view, it's an appeal to psychological strength on account of the power of the words of the poem.
Let us add Invictus means invincible.
Therefore, it's the power of spirit.
Considering that Henley suffered physically a lot, he needed to trust his soul.
I want to add that Invictus is the favorite poem by Nelson Mandela.
When he was in prison, he found the courage in Henley's words.
Now, this poem is very famous thanks to a Clint Eatswood movie, Invictus.
This movie uses particularly the two last verses of William Ernest Henley :
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
To conclude, I would like to say that Invictus is universal and is a symbol of courage and will.
En effet, je crois qu'il me faut revoir le cas possessif ^^
Merci bluduck2, j'espère vraiment que ce thème plaira à mon professeur
Bonne journée à vous deux !
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de bluduck2, postée le 16-09-2013 à 15:12:21 (S | E)
Hello
It's almost perfect .Still ,you'll have to correct:
l.4 I chose (simple past)
l.5 it conveys will (no preposition)
l.7 From my point of view /in my opinion/
l.11 one of N.Mandela's favourite poems
l.12 courage (no article,it's an abstract notion)
l.l.13 Clint Eastwoods's movie (genitive)
Now ,you will pass with flying colours !!
Bluduck2
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Modifié par lucile83 le 16-09-2013 15:33
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de lucile83, postée le 16-09-2013 à 16:32:35 (S | E)
Hello,
Les erreurs en bleu, les corrections en vert
Invictus is a poem by William Ernest Henley.
He wrote it in 1875 on his hospital bed, after an important operation.
He dreamt of a better life.
I chosen/temps this poem for a lot of reasons.
First of all, Invictus conveys
It enjoins to confront the difficulties.
In my point of view,In my opinion (plus courant) it's an appeal to psychological strength on account of the power of the words of the poem.... wow, que c'est compliqué et lourd tout ça!
Let us add that Invictus means invincible.
Therefore, it's the power of spirit.
Considering that Henley suffered physically a lot, he needed to trust his soul.
I want to add that Invictus is Nelson Mandela's favorite
favourite 
poem.When he was in prison, he found
Now, this poem is very famous thanks to a movie by Clint Eatswood , Invictus.
This movie especially uses
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
To conclude, I would like to say that Invictus is universal and is a symbol of courage and will.
Good job!
Je préfère 'a movie by Clint Eastwood' plutôt que le cas possessif car le film a été réalisé par C.E.
In my point of view, it's an appeal to psychological strength on account of the power of the words of the poem. trop lourd
.....>>>
In my opinion, this intends to show the psychological strength through the power of words in the poem.
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de happyboy3311, postée le 16-09-2013 à 18:08:46 (S | E)
Thanks Bluduck2 !
lucile83, le passage qui est lourd et compliqué, c'est parce que notre professeur nous a demandé de complexifier le plus possible nos phrases.
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide ! Je vais appliquer tous vos conseils pour être digne d'Invictus...
Réponse: Correction/ Invictus de lucile83, postée le 16-09-2013 à 18:14:50 (S | E)
oui d'accord mais là..j'ai surtout vu of...of...of...
on account of the power of the words of the poem.
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