Correction/ carte postale

Correction/ carte postale
Message de inconu posté le 26-02-2013 à 07:01:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pour la rentrée, je dois écrire une carte postale. Je suis actuellement en 4ème et je vous présente ce que j'ai déjà écrit:

Monday, February 25th, 2013
Dear friend
I am staying in Nice in France with my family and we are having a great time. Nice is cold and I can see the snow. Yesterday, I
discovered my new Home. I reside in a flat next to the see.Last Afternoon we got bikes so we went to visit the avenue “La promenade des Anglais”. Today, maybe I’ll go to the beach and play with the snow. It will very funny! I’ll be back at the next week.
Take care

Serait-il possible de m'aider à l'améliorer et à corriger les fautes?
Merci de votre future aide

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-02-2013 08:40
+ mise en forme

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de laure95, postée le 26-02-2013 à 11:49:42 (S | E)
Bonjour,
voici les quelques points à reprendre:
Monday, February 25th, 2013
Dear friend
I am staying in Nice in France with my family and we are having a great time. Nice is cold and I can see the snow. Yesterday, I
discovered my new Home (pas le bon mot). I reside in a flat next to the see (orthographe). Last Afternoon we got bikes (je ne comprends pas) so we went to visit the avenue “La promenade des Anglais”. Today, maybe I’ll go to the beach and play with the snow. It will (il manque le verbe) very funny! I’ll be back at the next week.
Take care

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de kadzona, postée le 26-02-2013 à 13:11:13 (S | E)
Hello: well done, so far.

Reconsider the meaning of the word "discover" in English. I know it would be the appropriate verb to use if you were speaking French, but it is not the correct one in English.

Also, find a verb to replace "reside" - "I reside . . . " is very formal. "To reside" usually means to live in a place for a long time, or permanently. You write "I am staying . . . " which indicates something temporary, not permanent or long-term. It is also rarely used in spoken English, - or in the kind of casual, written English that one would use on a postcard.

No problem with "We got bikes" although it might be clearer, to your reader, if you wrote "we hired/borrowed bikes". In written English, we try to minimise the use of "got" as it is considered a lazy use of language

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de bluestar, postée le 26-02-2013 à 16:31:09 (S | E)
Hello..

"Last Afternoon" needs to be looked at too. In English we can say 'last year', 'last month' 'last week' but not 'last afternoon'..Here you need the English word for the previous day. Also "afternoon", being a common noun, does not need to be capitalised.

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de inconu, postée le 27-02-2013 à 09:43:40 (S | E)
Bonjour,
merci beaucoup pour l'aide que vous m'avez accordée. J'ai corrigé les fautes et j'aimerais savoir si mon texte contient d'autres erreurs.

Monday, February 25th, 2013
Dear friend
I am staying in Nice in France with my family and we are having a great time. Nice is cold and I can see the snow.
Yesterday, I discovered my new flat. I am staying in a flat next to the sea.The previous day we borrowed bikes so we went to visit the avenue “La promenade des Anglais”.
Today, maybe I will go to the beach and play with the snow. It will be very funny! I will be back next week.
Take care

Merci énormément

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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-02-2013 17:11

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de bluestar, postée le 27-02-2013 à 13:45:46 (S | E)
Bonjour...It is Ok but I have made a few suggestions as below:

"moved into" is more natural than "discovered"
"the previous day" is "yesterday"

Dear Ffriend
I am staying in Nice in France with my family and we are having a greattime. Nice is cold and I can see the snow.
Yesterday, I discovered moved into my new flat.It is I am staying in a flat next to the sea.
Yesterday afternoon The previous day we borrowed bikes so we went to visit the avenue “La promenade des Anglais”.
Today, maybe I will go to the beach and play with the snow. It will be very funny! I will be backnext week.
Take care

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de jonquille, postée le 27-02-2013 à 17:04:13 (S | E)
Hello!

Apart from the other corrections and suggestions, I have one other one.

The words "funny" and "fun" are often confused.

First: look at the word "funny:" Ex: That is a funny story. She sounds funny when she tries to sound like a moose!

Now, notice the word "fun." Ex. We had a lot of fun skiing. The bike ride was fun, but very challenging!

Which word (fun / funny) do you think you should use in your text?
> It will be very funny! = You'll laugh a lot!
OR
> It will be lots of fun = On va s'amuser

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Réponse: Correction/ carte postale de sherry48, postée le 27-02-2013 à 20:04:31 (S | E)
Hello.
I have only one more thing...I usually say play in the snow, rather than play with the snow.
Sherry

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