Correction/ rédaction

Correction/ rédaction
Message de fireman38 posté le 28-01-2013 à 18:32:58 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir tout le monde,

Je sollicite votre aide concernant le résumé d'un article.
J'aurais besoin d'une relecture s'il vous plaît...
D'avance merci.

Début du résumé :

Doctors often need to monitor their patients once they have left hospital. The main problem is that monitoring equipment is very bulky and unpleasant for them. Consequently, John Rogers and his team have developed an electronic tattoo. It consists of wires made of silicon and gallium arsenide that form meanders. These meanders can stretch and contract depending on skin movement.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2013 18:57

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de fireman38, postée le 28-01-2013 à 19:58:51 (S | E)
Suite du résumé :

As a result of a good contact between the tattoo and the skin, weak intermolecular forces enable the tattoo to remain in place. Currently, the electronic tattoo still needs to be wired to a computer pending wireless transmitter incorporation. First, volunteers were able to control a video game by spoken commands thanks to a tattoo put on the throat. Currently, the tattoo can monitor vital signs like cardiofrequency or brain activity. And soon the patchs will be able to ensure an active role like contracting muscles.

Merci à tous

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de maximeswid, postée le 28-01-2013 à 20:03:57 (S | E)
Salut !

J'aimerais t'aider avec mon anglais approximatif. J'ai une question auparavant. Le résumé que tu nous as donné est le tien ? Si oui, pourrais-tu nous donner l'article en français/anglais pour tout d'abord comprendre l'article avant de le corriger sur les potentielles fautes d'ortographe/grammaire.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-01-2013 20:24

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de fireman38, postée le 28-01-2013 à 20:08:35 (S | E)
Bonsoir !

Oui il s'agit de mon résumé, je viens de finir la première ébauche ^^
Voici le lien de l'article en question : Lien internet

Merci

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de fireman38, postée le 29-01-2013 à 12:40:20 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Voici le résumé quelque peu modifié. Il me faudrait simplement une relecture afin d'éliminer toute forme grammaticale erronée ou "too French".
Je vous remercie d'avance pour les quelques minutes que vous m'accorderez.
Bonne fin de journée

"Doctors often need to monitor their patients once they have left hospital. The main problem is that monitoring equipment is very bulky and unpleasant for them. Consequently, John Rogers and his team have developed an electronic tattoo. It consists of wires made of silicon and gallium arsenide that form meanders. These meanders can stretch and contract depending on skin movement. Then John’s team has put the wires on a rubber and embedded the rubber in a water-soluble protective sheet. Once placed on the skin, the sheet is dissolved with a wet finger like a temporary tattoo.

Thanks to a good contact between the tattoo and the skin, weak intermolecular forces enable the tattoo to remain in place. Currently, the electronic tattoo still needs to be wired to a computer pending a wireless transmitter incorporation. First, volunteers were able to control a video game by spoken commands thanks to a tattoo put on the throat. Currently, the tattoo can monitor vital signs like cardiofrequency or brain activity. And soon the patchs will be able to ensure an active role like contracting muscles."

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Modifié par lucile83 le 29-01-2013 14:02

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de lucile83, postée le 29-01-2013 à 14:30:45 (S | E)
Hello,

Voici les fautes que j'ai vues...

"Doctors often need to monitor their patients once they have left hospital. The main problem is that monitoring equipment is very bulky and unpleasant for them. Consequently, John Rogers and his team have developed an electronic tattoo. It consists of wires made of silicon and gallium arsenide that form meanders. These meanders can stretch and contract depending on skin movement. Then John’s team has put the wires on a rubber and embedded the rubber in a water-soluble protective sheet. Once placed on the skin, the sheet is dissolved with a wet finger like a temporary tattoo.

Thanks to a good contact between the tattoo and the skin, weak intermolecular forces enable the tattoo to remain in place...trop mot à mot. Currently, the electronic tattoo still needs to be wired to a computer pending a wireless transmitter incorporation. First, volunteers were able to control a video game by spoken commands thanks to a tattoo put on the throat...la gorge de qui + il y a plusieurs volontaires donc plusieurs gorges. Currently, the tattoo can monitor vital signs like cardiofrequency or brain activity. And soon the patchs...comment prononcer? will be able to ensure an active role like contracting muscles."

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Réponse: Correction/ rédaction de fireman38, postée le 29-01-2013 à 18:43:30 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Tout d'abord, merci pour vos remarques.
Comment pourrais-je traduire le fait que le patch "reste en place" de manière plus légère ?

Bonne soirée

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