Correction / conseils
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Message de cecilecham posté le 06-11-2012 à 16:09:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois créer mon propre discours en anglais sur une cause que je défends. J'ai choisi les droits de la femme.
Pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes et aussi me donner votre avis ainsi que des conseils pour l'améliorersvp s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Discours:
On this day, after long and difficult battles, us, the women, have managed to obtain equal rights as men. Us, the women, have succeeded in separate the inequalities which existed.
And yet, these inequalities are still here.
Start with remind us that what happened before: Us, the women, were confined to house to have to do the cleaning and cook. Us, the women, were under the authority of our husband who could behave like a tyrant. Us, the women, had not any freedom. Us, the women, didn’t know the word equality. Us, the women, were nothing more than object.
But, this day is resolved. Us, the women, have decided that it is time to end this time, at this discriminations. Since that, us, the women, have come a long way. Little by little, the parity men-women became: In 1791 (seventeen ninety one), Declaration of the Rights of Woman and of the Citizen was created. In 1893 (eighteen ninety three), the right to vote of women was recognized in New Zealand, after it was granted in more and more country like in United Kingdom in 1918 (nineteen eighteen), Germany in 1919 (nineteen nineteen) or in France in 1944.
Though these inequalities still exist
First of all, equality pay is still not acquired. Wage differences between men and women are very considerable and obvious: In France, women’s wage is lower of 26,9% than men’s wage. In Europe, they earn on average 17,5% less than men. In the universities, only 11% of teachers are women.
Moreover, they are poorer than men: In France 22% of women are economically poor while 9% of men are in this situation. In Europe, the poverty rate is 16,25% but is 17,1 for women against 15,4% for men.
Furthermore, stereotypes are other restrictions to women's advancement. I'm talking here about these eternal clichés through which women are perceived.
But what shocks me the most, is the women abuse that can take a lot of forms: like genital mutilation, abuse, sexual exploitation and rape. There is even some society that considers women undesirable, useless and costly, so they kill them in the womb.
If women are defenceless against violence, it is that many of them don't have any resources: 70% of people living below the poverty line in the world are women.
Besides, discrimination against women is now the form of exclusion the most common worldwide. In Africa and Asia, women work on average 13 hours more per week than men. They may need several hours a day to fetch water. They devote all their energy to survive and to survive their families. 60% of working poor are women. They are not only the majority among those forced to live with less than one dollar a day, but also systematically excluded from economic life and marginalized.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-11-2012 19:12
Message de cecilecham posté le 06-11-2012 à 16:09:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois créer mon propre discours en anglais sur une cause que je défends. J'ai choisi les droits de la femme.
Pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes et aussi me donner votre avis ainsi que des conseils pour l'améliorer
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Discours:
On this day, after long and difficult battles, us, the women, have managed to obtain equal rights as men. Us, the women, have succeeded in separate the inequalities which existed.
And yet, these inequalities are still here.
Start with remind us that what happened before: Us, the women, were confined to house to have to do the cleaning and cook. Us, the women, were under the authority of our husband who could behave like a tyrant. Us, the women, had not any freedom. Us, the women, didn’t know the word equality. Us, the women, were nothing more than object.
But, this day is resolved. Us, the women, have decided that it is time to end this time, at this discriminations. Since that, us, the women, have come a long way. Little by little, the parity men-women became: In 1791 (seventeen ninety one), Declaration of the Rights of Woman and of the Citizen was created. In 1893 (eighteen ninety three), the right to vote of women was recognized in New Zealand, after it was granted in more and more country like in United Kingdom in 1918 (nineteen eighteen), Germany in 1919 (nineteen nineteen) or in France in 1944.
Though these inequalities still exist
First of all, equality pay is still not acquired. Wage differences between men and women are very considerable and obvious: In France, women’s wage is lower of 26,9% than men’s wage. In Europe, they earn on average 17,5% less than men. In the universities, only 11% of teachers are women.
Moreover, they are poorer than men: In France 22% of women are economically poor while 9% of men are in this situation. In Europe, the poverty rate is 16,25% but is 17,1 for women against 15,4% for men.
Furthermore, stereotypes are other restrictions to women's advancement. I'm talking here about these eternal clichés through which women are perceived.
But what shocks me the most, is the women abuse that can take a lot of forms: like genital mutilation, abuse, sexual exploitation and rape. There is even some society that considers women undesirable, useless and costly, so they kill them in the womb.
If women are defenceless against violence, it is that many of them don't have any resources: 70% of people living below the poverty line in the world are women.
Besides, discrimination against women is now the form of exclusion the most common worldwide. In Africa and Asia, women work on average 13 hours more per week than men. They may need several hours a day to fetch water. They devote all their energy to survive and to survive their families. 60% of working poor are women. They are not only the majority among those forced to live with less than one dollar a day, but also systematically excluded from economic life and marginalized.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 06-11-2012 19:12
Réponse: Correction / conseils de notrepere, postée le 06-11-2012 à 18:42:31 (S | E)
BonjourVotre texte est rempli d'erreurs et trop mot à mot du français.
On this day, after long and difficult battles, us (mauvaise traduction de 'nous' - us = objet, we = sujet) the women, have managed to obtain equal rights as men. Us, the women, have succeeded in separate (succeeded in + verbe en forme +ing) the inequalities which existed.
And yet, these inequalities are still here.
Il y a trop d'erreurs pour faire une correction complète. Selon moi, on doit corriger phrase par phrase. Je vous ai donné des pistes comme "us, the women" qui se trouvent plusieurs fois dans votre texte.
Bon courage.
Réponse: Correction / conseils de cecilecham, postée le 07-11-2012 à 14:32:38 (S | E)
Ok merci beaucoup
Je corrige ça tout de suite.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2012 17:09
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