Correction /hyperactivité
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Message de mauud2 posté le 03-11-2012 à 18:33:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois me placer en tant que journaliste et introduire un débat. J'aimerais savoir si ce que j'ai écrit est correct s'il vous plaît.
Merci d'avance
Dear all, today we are going to dedicate our TV program on a complicated subject. At school, they perturb the class, are distracted. At home, they forget about the rules. 4 per cent of children would suffer from a disorder of deficit of the attention with or without hyperactivity today.
When Ritaline is more and more prescribed to relieve these symptoms, we are going to see what are the risks and the profits of this medication which makes debate?
The Ritaline is used for the disordes overdrawn of the attention with hyperactivity at the child of more than 6 years, without superior limit of age.
The advantages of Ritaline are many. Indeed, the studies with short term showed that approximately 70 % of the hyperactive children benefit from Ritaline. This rate of success is completely remarkable.
Even if we know the short-term effects of Ritaline the potential of abuse of tonics is well known and there is an important black market for Ritalin. It's thus natural to wonder about the risk of physical or psychological dependence which it can pull at the child's who consumes it daily. We also observe the other long-term effects such as the facial tricks and the delay of growth. These symptoms can require the stop of the treatment if the inconveniences are more important than the profits of the treatment.
Now, we are going to listen to the testimonies of these 4 persons being for and against the use of Ritaline and which will try to convince us on its benefactions and on its risks.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2012 18:51
Message de mauud2 posté le 03-11-2012 à 18:33:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois me placer en tant que journaliste et introduire un débat. J'aimerais savoir si ce que j'ai écrit est correct s'il vous plaît.
Merci d'avance
Dear all, today we are going to dedicate our TV program on a complicated subject. At school, they perturb the class, are distracted. At home, they forget about the rules. 4 per cent of children would suffer from a disorder of deficit of the attention with or without hyperactivity today.
When Ritaline is more and more prescribed to relieve these symptoms, we are going to see what are the risks and the profits of this medication which makes debate?
The Ritaline is used for the disordes overdrawn of the attention with hyperactivity at the child of more than 6 years, without superior limit of age.
The advantages of Ritaline are many. Indeed, the studies with short term showed that approximately 70 % of the hyperactive children benefit from Ritaline. This rate of success is completely remarkable.
Even if we know the short-term effects of Ritaline the potential of abuse of tonics is well known and there is an important black market for Ritalin. It's thus natural to wonder about the risk of physical or psychological dependence which it can pull at the child's who consumes it daily. We also observe the other long-term effects such as the facial tricks and the delay of growth. These symptoms can require the stop of the treatment if the inconveniences are more important than the profits of the treatment.
Now, we are going to listen to the testimonies of these 4 persons being for and against the use of Ritaline and which will try to convince us on its benefactions and on its risks.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2012 18:51
Réponse: Correction /hyperactivité de edgoulart, postée le 03-11-2012 à 19:53:34 (S | E)
Hello mauud2!
Just these wrongly misspellings...
"for the disordes overdrawn" xxx
"black market for Ritalin" xxx
Yours,
Ed Goulart
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2012 20:17
Don't give the solution.Thank you.
Réponse: Correction /hyperactivité de mauud2, postée le 03-11-2012 à 20:44:23 (S | E)
Merci pour votre aide.
Réponse: Correction /hyperactivité de gfross, postée le 03-11-2012 à 21:36:45 (S | E)
Hello,
Since you are learning English, I will reply in English.
We would never say "all" in an expression like "Dear ....".
The verb "dedicate" is not followed by "on" but by a different preposition.
The tense "would suffer" is not correct. Ask yourself, "Do they suffer?" or "Would they suffer?" Which seems more appropriate in this context?
The expression "disorder of deficit of attention" is not idiomatic. The disorder is usually referred to by the abbreviation ADD. Use that word order (ADD) as a guide. English is often very much like German in its word order for complex nouns.
It is illogical to begin the next sentence with "When." The idea in the "when" clause should not modify "we are going to see." Ask yourself whether the word "When" is really needed here.
Is the spelling "Ritaline" (with an "e" on the end) correct? I don't know. Perhaps in France the name of the drug is spelled that way (so that it will be pronounced correctly).
It is not grammatical to say "more prescribed." In this context, the intensifier "more" should modify an adverb of frequency. This adverb begins with the letter "o": "more and more" what? "more and more o...."
"Profits" is not the word to use. Can you think of a word that begins with "bene" (and it is not "benefactions," which would be incorrect here)?
The clause "which makes debate" does not fit here. Do you really need to say it? Also "makes debate" is not idiomatic English.
Is "we are going to see" a statement or a question? In other words, which punctuation mark do you want at the end of this sentence: a period (full stop) or a question mark?
"The Ritalin" is good French but not good English. Does one say "tennis is fun to watch" or "the tennis is fun to watch"?
There are more errors that I could point out, but since most of your passage is understandable, I will stop here. However, I need to have you clarify one thing: "facial tricks". That expression is not clear to me. Do you mean "facial tics"?
Good luck with your debate!
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Modifié par gfross le 03-11-2012 21:41
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Modifié par gfross le 05-11-2012 08:14
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