Essai/bac 2012, série S
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Message de matheew posté le 30-09-2012 à 19:38:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
mon professeur d'anglais m'a donné cet essai à faire.
"Do you think a simple vision of life contributes to happiness ?"
J'ai commencé et je voudrais avoir votre avis sur ce que j'ai fait tant sur le fond que sur la forme.
"« People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be ». This quote from a Lincoln president’s speech shows us happiness not a universal value. Let’s face it ; for some one happiness will consist in living simply, without considerations about future or what they will do of their life, even though for some one else, happiness will be lived once all his targets will be reached. That’s why; if we look the way happiness is appreciated each in its own way, we understand that our experience of happiness depends of our vision of life.
Indeed, for some people a simple vision of life can contributes to happiness insofar as it’s better to live the present moment in the most perfect carefreeness to benefit from everyday life with his friends or family. In other words, it’s easier to be happy, without regret the past or dream of the future: just living present moment. When we think “simple vision of life”, immediately the image that comes to our mind is the one of children because they are live all the time in the present moment. For example, if a kid receives a gift, at the moment, for him, it’s the most important thing. On the contrary, if an adult receive a big gift, like a car, then he wonders how he’s going to pay the petrol.
While for some people a simple vision of life contributes to happiness, for the others happiness is not a matter of simple vision or not, but rather an existential question. Indeed, sometimes we have to find a reason or the aim of our existence to be happy. Know that we must have a reason or aim to be happy, is have a vision more complex of life and it helps us. Besides, people who want to reach a goal can be happy to try realize his dream, even if it’s doesn’t work. For example, sometimes researchers search something they don’t know during an entire life, unless they are very patient, they are happy to do it.
"
Il me reste à conclure en exprimant mon avis plus personnel.
Merci d'avance.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 30-09-2012 20:52
Message de matheew posté le 30-09-2012 à 19:38:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
mon professeur d'anglais m'a donné cet essai à faire.
"Do you think a simple vision of life contributes to happiness ?"
J'ai commencé et je voudrais avoir votre avis sur ce que j'ai fait tant sur le fond que sur la forme.
"« People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be ». This quote from a Lincoln president’s speech shows us happiness not a universal value. Let’s face it ; for some one happiness will consist in living simply, without considerations about future or what they will do of their life, even though for some one else, happiness will be lived once all his targets will be reached. That’s why; if we look the way happiness is appreciated each in its own way, we understand that our experience of happiness depends of our vision of life.
Indeed, for some people a simple vision of life can contributes to happiness insofar as it’s better to live the present moment in the most perfect carefreeness to benefit from everyday life with his friends or family. In other words, it’s easier to be happy, without regret the past or dream of the future: just living present moment. When we think “simple vision of life”, immediately the image that comes to our mind is the one of children because they are live all the time in the present moment. For example, if a kid receives a gift, at the moment, for him, it’s the most important thing. On the contrary, if an adult receive a big gift, like a car, then he wonders how he’s going to pay the petrol.
While for some people a simple vision of life contributes to happiness, for the others happiness is not a matter of simple vision or not, but rather an existential question. Indeed, sometimes we have to find a reason or the aim of our existence to be happy. Know that we must have a reason or aim to be happy, is have a vision more complex of life and it helps us. Besides, people who want to reach a goal can be happy to try realize his dream, even if it’s doesn’t work. For example, sometimes researchers search something they don’t know during an entire life, unless they are very patient, they are happy to do it.
"
Il me reste à conclure en exprimant mon avis plus personnel.
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-09-2012 20:52
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 01-10-2012 à 19:04:39 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
"« People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be ». This quote from a speech by President Lincoln shows us happiness is not a universal value. Let’s face it ; for some one(ne va pas, for some people) happiness will consist in living simply, without considerations about the future or what they will do of(plutôt with) their life (people est pluriel , donc lives aussi), even though for some one else (ne va pas, for some others), happiness will be lived once all his(à accorder au pluriel) targets will be (pas de futur derrière once, mais du présent et ici plutôt du present perfect)reached. That’s why if we look the way happiness is appreciated each in its own way, we understand that our experience of happiness depends of(on) our vision of life.
Indeed, for some people a simple vision of life can contributes to happiness in so far as it’s better to live the present moment in the most perfect carefreeness(semble ne pas exister) to benefit from everyday life with his (à accorder) friends or family. In other words, it’s easier to be happy, without regret(gérondif) the past or dream(gérondif) of the future: just living the present moment. When we think “simple vision of life”, immediately the image that comes to our mind is the one of children because they are live all the time in the present moment. For example, if a kid(un peu familier dans cet essai philosophique) receives a gift, at the moment, for him, it’s the most important thing. On the contrary, if an adult receive (3ème personne présent) a big gift, like a car, then he wonders how he’s going to pay for the petrol.
While for some people a simple vision of life contributes to happiness, for the(à enlever) others happiness is not a matter of simple vision or not, but rather an existential question. Indeed, sometimes we have to find a reason or the aim of(reason et aim ne se construisent pas forcément avec la même préposition) our existence in order to be happy. Know(gérondif, forme en ing) that we must have a reason or aim to be happy, is have(gérondif) a more complex vision of life and it helps us. Besides, people who want to reach a goal can be happy to try and realize his (people est pluriel) dream, even if it’s doesn’t work. For example, sometimes researchers search(to search, c'est fouiller quelqu'un, to look for, c'est chercher quelque chose) something they don’t know during(pendant + une durée?) an entire life, unless (= sauf si, ne semble pas logique ici )they are very patient, they are happy to do it.
Petit exercice sur for et during:
He was absent for a week during the holidays: il fut absent pendant une semaine pendant les vacances.
Comment choisir entre for et during ?
En posant la question:
WHEN was he absent ? during the holidays, au cours des vacances, complément de temps et non de durée.
HOW LONG was he absent ? for a week, pendant une semaine, complément de durée.
Pendant toute leur vie: complément de temps ou de durée ???
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 01-10-2012 à 19:15:05 (S | E)
Merci, je prends des notes des corrections à apporter.
Je rajoute ma conclusion : "To conclude, I think happiness depends of course on our vision of life and the idea we make about our ideals, which can be simply live in the present moment or realize a big dream, but I think too it’s more than an issue of life vision. Happiness depends above all on our capacity to be happy despite of the worst things which can happen in our life."
Et je voudrais avoir avis quant au traitement du sujet, qui était je rappelle : "Do you think a simple vision of life contributes to happiness ?".
Merci beaucoup.
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 01-10-2012 à 19:39:34 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
To conclude, I think happiness depends of course on our vision of life and the idea we make about (maladroit)our ideals, which can be simply to live in the present moment or realize (faux ami qui signifie se rendre compte de et non pas réaliser au sens de faire devenir réel) a big dream, but I also think
Quant-à mon "avis", c'est à vous de savoir si vous avez bien traité ce sujet classique. Thèse, antithèse, synthèse....
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 01-10-2012 à 19:44:49 (S | E)
D'accord pour ces dernières précisions.
Je n'ai pas respecté ce schéma mot pour mot, étant donné que dans mon manuel de préparation à Sciences Po on me conseille de sortir des stéréotypes et qu'il est un peu absurde de vouloir réaliser le même plan pour une dissertation de plusieurs pages et pour un essai de 300 mots. D'où ma question de savoir si ma démarche était pertinente et pas hors-sujet.
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 01-10-2012 à 19:55:15 (S | E)
Hello,
Brassens parlait de la sagesse du charbonnier et certaines chansons nous indiquent qu'un Italien qui aura "de l'amour et du vin" va être heureux...... "Cueillez dès aujourd'hui les roses de la vie" pour faire plus sérieux. Je pense que vous avez dit ce qu'il fallait, de façon abstraite.
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 01-10-2012 à 20:00:15 (S | E)
Si je lis bien entre les lignes, mon essai manque d'exemples concrets ?
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 01-10-2012 à 20:07:43 (S | E)
Non, en relisant, je vois le "kid" et l'homme qui regrette le V8 de la Mustang qu'on lui a offerte....
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 01-10-2012 à 20:14:24 (S | E)
Merci pour tout, j'espère avoir une bonne note sachant que je ne suis qu'en terminale. ;)
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 02-10-2012 à 18:30:38 (S | E)
Bonsoir, (le texte que je viens de corriger a disparu???)
"« People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be ». This quote from a speech by President Lincoln
Indeed, for some people a simple vision of life can consist in living the present moment simply(place de l'adverbe) in the most perfect carelessness(est traduit par "négligence, je pense que vous voulez dire décontraction, ou alors sans s'inquiéter, without worrying) to benefit from everyday life with their family. In other words, it’s easier to be happy, without regretting the past or dreaming of the future: just living the present moment. When we think “simple vision of life”, immediately the image which comes into our mind is the one of children because they live in the present all the time (place de l'adverbe). For example, if a child receives a present, that precise moment becomes, for him, the most important thing. On the contrary, if an adult receives a huge gift, like a car, then he wonders how he’s going to pay for the petrol.
While for some people a simple vision of life contributes to happiness, for others happiness is not a matter of simple vision or not, but rather an existential question. Indeed, knowing sometimes to be happy we just need to find the aim of our existence, is have a more complex vision of life(la phrase est bancale, je ne la comprends pas, knowing est en trop je pense. si on dit: "Sometimes, in order to be happy, we need to find a purpose to our existence, (we need) to have a more complex vision of life", alors ça passe). Besides, people who want(need irait mieux) to reach a goal can be happy to try and fulfill their dream, even if it doesn’t work. (vous voulez dire: can find hapiness by trying to fulfill their dream even if....)For example, sometimes researchers look for something,(virgule en trop) they don’t yet know, for an entire life. Nonetheless (nevertheless est plus courant), they are happy to do it. To sum up, although(bien que ne va pas, je mettrais même si: even if) we have a more complex vision of life , we can still be happy.
To conclude, I think happiness depends of course on our vision of life and the idea we have about (maladroit)(je mettrais pour faire simple "and on our choice of ideals)our ideals, which can be simply to live in the present moment or to fulfil a big dream, but I also think happiness depends above all on our capacity to be happy in spite of all is going. (our capacity to be happy whatever may happen)
"
c'était quand même pas mal (typical British understatement to be said with a stiff upper lip)pour "un pauvre terminale"
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 02-10-2012 à 18:42:47 (S | E)
"
« People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be ». This quote from a speech by President Lincoln shows us happiness is not a universal value. Let’s face it ; for some people happiness will consist in living simply, without considerations about the future or what they will do with their lives, even though for some others, they are going to be happy once all their targets have been reached. That’s why; if we look how happiness is appreciated each in its own way, we understand our experience of happiness depends on our vision of life.
Indeed, for some people a simple vision of life can consist in living the present moment simply in the most perfect carelessness to benefit from everyday life with their family. In other words, it’s easier to be happy, without regretting the past or dreaming of the future. When we think “simple vision of life”, immediately the image which comes into our mind is the one of children because they live in the present all the time. For example, if a child receives a present, at the moment, for him, it’s the most important thing. On the contrary, if an adult receives a huge gift, like a car, then he wonders how he’s going to pay for the petrol.
While for some people a simple vision of life contributes to happiness, for others happiness is not a matter of simple vision or not, but rather an existential question: “What is the aim of our existence”? To be happy, it’s sometimes necessary to find the answer. Besides, people who want to reach a goal can be happy to try and fulfil their dream, even if it doesn’t work. For example, sometimes researchers look for something, they don’t yet know, for an entire life. Nonetheless, they are happy to do it. To sum up, even if we have a vision of life more complex, we can still be happy.
To conclude, I think happiness depends of course on our vision of life, which can be simply or more complex but I also think happiness depends above all on our capacity to be happy whatever may happen.
"
J'ai procédé à une ultime retouche, si possible à recorriger.
Je veux dire par "if we look how happiness is appreciated each in its own way" : "si on regarde comment le bonheur est apprécié par chacun ou chacun à sa manière"
Et je veux aussi dire par : "carelessness" : "insousiance"
Merci d'avance
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 02-10-2012 à 18:51:06 (S | E)
Well,
"if we look how happiness is appreciated by each and every one of us.
"if we look how each and everyone of us appreciates happiness "
parfois, mes corrections entre parenthèses sont meilleures que la partie initialement corrigée, à vous de choisir ensuite. Vous ne voulez vraiment pas enlever la ponctuation superflue ?
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 02-10-2012 à 19:00:13 (S | E)
Je suis en train de le faire pour la ponctuation. Par contre, avez-vous une traduction pour insouciance (en un seul mot de préférence) ? Et il ne reste plus aucune faute dans les parties que j'ai changées (notamment dans le troisième paragraphe) ?...
Merci d'avance
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Modifié par matheew le 02-10-2012 19:00
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de gerondif, postée le 02-10-2012 à 19:37:41 (S | E)
a simple vision of life can consist in living the present moment simply as it comes,without worrying
Réponse: Essai/bac 2012, série S de matheew, postée le 02-10-2012 à 21:37:18 (S | E)
Merci pour toute l'aide apportée, cela m'a permis de bien comprendre mes erreurs (prépositions, tournures idiomatiques...) et l'importance des relectures pour les fautes d'accord.
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