Wording/ correction
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Message de mailys63 posté le 08-09-2012 à 00:59:38 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I have written a wording and I'd like to know my mistakes; can you help me please?
Thank you for your answers.
In the evening, I saw someone enter in my neighbour's house. He wore black clothes. It was fishy ! His hood hid his face so i couldn't look it. I thought he was a man. While i contemplated him, he walked on the garden's grass. Suddenly, he stopped and look around him. I stopped to breath because i was so afraid. He kept to walk until the window which is open. He climbed the wall and entered by the window. It was then he took off his hood and i saw his face : it was my neighbour's son. I whispered. I have hope it was a thief !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-09-2012 08:16
Message de mailys63 posté le 08-09-2012 à 00:59:38 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I have written a wording and I'd like to know my mistakes; can you help me please?
Thank you for your answers.
In the evening, I saw someone enter in my neighbour's house. He wore black clothes. It was fishy ! His hood hid his face so i couldn't look it. I thought he was a man. While i contemplated him, he walked on the garden's grass. Suddenly, he stopped and look around him. I stopped to breath because i was so afraid. He kept to walk until the window which is open. He climbed the wall and entered by the window. It was then he took off his hood and i saw his face : it was my neighbour's son. I whispered. I have hope it was a thief !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-09-2012 08:16
Réponse: Wording/ correction de sherry48, postée le 08-09-2012 à 02:27:28 (S | E)
Hello. Take another look at the words I have marked.
In the evening, I saw someone enter in my neighbour's house. He wore black clothes. It was (Since this is an opinion, try another verb.)fishy ! His hood hid his face so i couldn't look
(Look takes a preposition, but I would use a different verb.) it. I thought he was a man. While i contemplated him, he walked on the garden's grass (sounds awkward). Suddenly, he stopped and look around him. I stopped to breath because i was so afraid. He kept to walk until the window which is open. He climbed the wall and entered by the window. It was then (You can add another word, or start with the word then.)he took off his hood and i saw his face : it was my neighbour's son. I whispered. I have hope it was a thief ! SherryRéponse: Wording/ correction de gerondif, postée le 08-09-2012 à 10:02:00 (S | E)
Hello,
another point of view to add to Sherry's...
I(je) is always written I, never i even in the middle of a sentence
In the (maybe you mean"one evening,.....")evening, I saw someone enter in( you enter * a house, you go into a house, you break into a house, you sneak into somebody's house) my neighbour's house. He wore (I would have used the ing form)black clothes. It was fishy ! His hood hid his face so i couldn't look (to look means regarder, to see means voir) it. I thought he was a man. While i contemplated (while is often followed by the preterite continuous, ing) him, he walked on the garden's grass. Suddenly, he stopped and look around him. I stopped to breath (breath[e] is la respiration, to breathe [i:]means respirer. Moreover, he stopped working means il s'arrêta de travailler whereas he stopped (playing) to work means il s'arrêta(de jouer) pour travailler) because i was so afraid. He kept to walk (start/go on/keep on/stop/+ ing) until (until means jusqu'à but more often with a moment in time) the window which is(preterite) open. He climbed the wall and entered by (sounds too French, he came in through the window)the window. It was then he took off his hood and i saw his face : it was my neighbour's son. I whispered (you whisper love words to your lover's ear but you don't whisper in the meaning of what I found below in the dictionary on line). I have(prétérite) hope(past participle) (but then "I had hoped it was a thief": "j'avais espéré que ce soit un voleur" n'a pas de sens !)(je croyais: I thought, ....j'avais cru: I had thought, I had imagined) it was a thief !
ouf /uf/
I.masculine noun faire ouf, pousser un ouf (de soulagement) to breathe a sigh of relief;
the dictionary on line tells me "a wording" is "une formulation" also ",énoncé - formulation - libellé - texte " a choice of words then. Does it mean "an essay" for you ?
Réponse: Wording/ correction de mailys63, postée le 08-09-2012 à 11:12:03 (S | E)
yes, I want to say "an essay"
thanks for you help
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-09-2012 12:02
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