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Publicité robot/correction
Message de desdehace posté le 02-03-2012 à 15:06:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voici une publicité que j'ai dû faire en anglais, je voudrais votre avis …. et d'éventuelles corrections …
Est-ce que cela vous donne envie d'acheter le robot ? Quels aspects devrais-je améliorer ou développer ?
Merci pour votre aide.
Tired of doing all the chores ? What about being replaced by a robot ? Not any robot, but our robot the robot X324BZ designed by scientists from all over the world. Our cyborg does all the exhausting and tedious tasks to relieve you. Say good-bye to ironing, to washing up, to sweeping, to cooking and let's say yes to a clean house without wasting time or energy !
Our robot is endowed with great talent, thanks to his artificial brain which works 24-7 and anticipates your urges. He is efficient, obedient and he won't disappoint you : he ends everything he begins. Don't worry, using it is convenient and easy, you only have to push the button on his back.
It's a good investment : you will have more time to take care of yourself and you will be liberated wife spending more time outside than in your home and all the stereotypes.
So, If you want to set free from your daily routine, buy the robot X324BZ and join all the satisfied women who trusted us and our cyborg !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-03-2012 16:38
Message de desdehace posté le 02-03-2012 à 15:06:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voici une publicité que j'ai dû faire en anglais, je voudrais votre avis …. et d'éventuelles corrections …
Est-ce que cela vous donne envie d'acheter le robot ? Quels aspects devrais-je améliorer ou développer ?
Merci pour votre aide.
Tired of doing all the chores ? What about being replaced by a robot ? Not any robot, but our robot the robot X324BZ designed by scientists from all over the world. Our cyborg does all the exhausting and tedious tasks to relieve you. Say good-bye to ironing, to washing up, to sweeping, to cooking and let's say yes to a clean house without wasting time or energy !
Our robot is endowed with great talent, thanks to his artificial brain which works 24-7 and anticipates your urges. He is efficient, obedient and he won't disappoint you : he ends everything he begins. Don't worry, using it is convenient and easy, you only have to push the button on his back.
It's a good investment : you will have more time to take care of yourself and you will be liberated wife spending more time outside than in your home and all the stereotypes.
So, If you want to set free from your daily routine, buy the robot X324BZ and join all the satisfied women who trusted us and our cyborg !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-03-2012 16:38
Réponse: Publicité robot/correction de notrepere, postée le 03-03-2012 à 01:21:47 (S | E)
BonjourVotre texte est bon.
Tired of doing all the chores? What about being replaced by a robot? Not any robot, but our robot the robot X324BZ designed by scientists from all over the world. Our cyborg does all the exhausting and tedious tasks to relieve you (relieve ne va pas). Say good-bye to ironing, to washing up, to sweeping, to cooking and let's say yes to a clean house without wasting time or energy!
Our robot is endowed
(un autre verbe) with great talent, thanks to his artificial brain which works 24-7 and anticipates your urges(autre verbe). He is efficient, obedient and he won't disappoint you : he ends(autre verbe) everything he begins. Don't worry, using it is convenient and easy, you only have to push the button on his back.It's a good investment : you will have more time to take care of yourself and you will be liberated wife (expression à revoir) spending more time outside than in your home and all the stereotypes
.So, If you want to be set free from your daily routine, buy the robot X324BZ and join all the satisfied women who trusted us and our cyborg !
Réponse: Publicité robot/correction de desdehace, postée le 03-03-2012 à 11:45:28 (S | E)
Hello,
Tired of doing all the chores ? What about being replaced by a robot ? Not any robot, but our robot the robot X324BZ designed by scientists from all over the world. Our cyborg does all the exhausting and tedious tasks to alleviate you. Say good-bye to ironing, to washing up, to sweeping, to cooking and let's say yes to a clean house without wasting time or energy !
Our robot is endowed (I didn't find anything else !) with great talent, thanks to his artificial brain which works 24-7 and anticipates your needs. He is efficient, obedient and he won't disappoint you : he finishes everything he starts. Don't worry, using it is convenient and easy, you only have to push the button on his back.
It's a good investment : you will have more time to take care of yourself and you will be a liberated wife/working woman spending more time outside than in your home and will break all the stereotypes.
So, If you want to be set free from your daily routine, buy the robot X324BZ and join all the satisfied women who trusted us and our cyborg !
Thank you for correcting my mistakes ! I tried to find better words but sometimes I didn't get your point !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-03-2012 12:14
Réponse: Publicité robot/correction de notrepere, postée le 03-03-2012 à 18:33:23 (S | E)
BonjourTired of doing all the chores ? What about being replaced by a robot ? Not any robot, but our robot the robot X324BZ designed by scientists from all over the world. Our cyborg does all the exhausting and tedious tasks to alleviate you from having to do them. Say good-bye to ironing, to washing up, to sweeping, to cooking and let's say yes to a clean house without wasting time or energy !
Our robot is
It's a good investment : you will have more time to take care of yourself and you will be able to
So, If you want to be set free from your daily routine, buy the robot X324BZ and join all the satisfied women who trusted us and our cyborg !
Réponse: Publicité robot/correction de desdehace, postée le 03-03-2012 à 19:46:11 (S | E)
Thanks
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