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Essay/Holiday and country
Message de fkb posté le 15-02-2012 à 16:28:52 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody
J'ai une expression écrite à faire, dans laquelle je dois répondre aux questions suivantes : Aimeriez-vous voyager loin? Quels pays seriez-vous intéressés à visiter? Pourquoi?
J'ai réalisé pour le moment ceci,
de me dire ce que vous en pensez et de corriger les eventuelles erreurs s'il vous plaît.
Travelling has become quick and easy with the development of high-speed transport ... As a result people can be tempted by travelling to faraway places. Would you travel far? What country are you interested? Why?
Firstly, I wish clarify that it is better to visit his own country before visiting foreign countries. Indeed, why go to other countries, if we have not seen the beauties of his?
Therefore before going abroad, I would go to Paris, see the Eiffel Tower and other monuments of our capital. I also want to visit Lyon and Marseille, two French cities, but also to bathing in the Mediterranean and skiing in the Alps and Pyrenees. Also, go in his own country, when we do not experience a holiday, may be easier, specially had to the common language. Once, visiting the four corners of France, you can go to foreign countries and learn about their cultures.
Being very curious, and dreaming of flying around the world, I'd go at least once in my life in the USA and Australia. I want to go to the United States because it is the leading world power, all decisions are taken, and everyone is watching this country. New York and the Statue of Liberty, Washington and his white house and Florida with Miami and the Beaches attract me. Since childhood, I dreamed of going to Australia, CE2, with a friend, we had prepared our trip, the 18-hour flight, cities to visit, walks in the desert and meeting with kangaroos. Unfortunately travel is expensive, and that dream is still not achieved and achievable.
In conclusion, I'd love to visit distant countries after visiting the mine, but the economics stopping me now.
Thank you for the correction
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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-02-2012 19:09
Message de fkb posté le 15-02-2012 à 16:28:52 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody
J'ai une expression écrite à faire, dans laquelle je dois répondre aux questions suivantes : Aimeriez-vous voyager loin? Quels pays seriez-vous intéressés à visiter? Pourquoi?
J'ai réalisé pour le moment ceci,
de me dire ce que vous en pensez et de corriger les eventuelles erreurs s'il vous plaît.Travelling has become quick and easy with the development of high-speed transport ... As a result people can be tempted by travelling to faraway places. Would you travel far? What country are you interested? Why?
Firstly, I wish clarify that it is better to visit his own country before visiting foreign countries. Indeed, why go to other countries, if we have not seen the beauties of his?
Therefore before going abroad, I would go to Paris, see the Eiffel Tower and other monuments of our capital. I also want to visit Lyon and Marseille, two French cities, but also to bathing in the Mediterranean and skiing in the Alps and Pyrenees. Also, go in his own country, when we do not experience a holiday, may be easier, specially had to the common language. Once, visiting the four corners of France, you can go to foreign countries and learn about their cultures.
Being very curious, and dreaming of flying around the world, I'd go at least once in my life in the USA and Australia. I want to go to the United States because it is the leading world power, all decisions are taken, and everyone is watching this country. New York and the Statue of Liberty, Washington and his white house and Florida with Miami and the Beaches attract me. Since childhood, I dreamed of going to Australia, CE2, with a friend, we had prepared our trip, the 18-hour flight, cities to visit, walks in the desert and meeting with kangaroos. Unfortunately travel is expensive, and that dream is still not achieved and achievable.
In conclusion, I'd love to visit distant countries after visiting the mine, but the economics stopping me now.
Thank you for the correction
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-02-2012 19:09
Réponse: Essay/Holiday and country de laure95, postée le 15-02-2012 à 18:21:39 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Voici les points à reprendre:
Travelling has become quick and easy with the development of high-speed transport ... As a result people can be tempted by travelling to faraway places. Would you travel far? What country are you interested (il manque une préposition) ? Why?
Firstly, I wish clarify (mal dit, utilise would like plutôt que wish) that it is better to visit his (à qui ce possessif fait-il référence?) own country before visiting foreign countries. Indeed, why not go to other countries, if we have not seen the beauties of his (même remarque que plus haut)?
Therefore before going abroad, I would go to Paris, see the Eiffel Tower and other monuments of our capital. I also want to visit Lyon and Marseille, two French cities, but also to bathing (TO+ INFINITIF) into the Mediterranean sea and skiing in the Alps and Pyrenees. Also, go (quand un verbe est le sujet d'un verbe conjugué, il faut ajouter -ing à la base verbale) in his own country, when we do not experience a holiday ?, may be easier, specially had to ? the common language. Once, visiting the four corners of France (once + sujet + present perfect), you can go to foreign countries and learn about their cultures.
Being very curious, and dreaming of flying around the world, I'd go at least once in my life in (pas la bonne préposition) the USA and Australia. I want to go to the United States because it is the leading world power, all decisions are taken, and everyone is watching this country. New York and the Statue of Liberty, Washington and his white house and Florida with Miami and the Beaches attract me. Since childhood, I dreamed (since + present perfect) of going to Australia, CE2, with a friend, we had prepared our trip, the 18-hour flight, cities to visit, walks in the desert and meeting with kangaroos. Unfortunately travel is expensive, and that dream is still not achieved and achievable.
In conclusion, I'd love to visit distant countries after visiting
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