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Correction/ fire at home
Message de romaindu86 posté le 03-11-2011 à 19:19:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais savoir s'il vous plaît où sont mes fautes car je ne suis pas très fort en anglais.
Merci pour vos réponses.
I will speak about something that happened me 9 months ago
I live with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois
I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside.
I thought it was a party in residence so i went back to sleep
my girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity
I lighted with my mobile phone and saw a thick black smoke in the apartment
We understood immediately that there was fire, we dressed quickly and we ran outside
Firefighters were there, four cars were burning below our apartment
it has not burned but was covered with a thick black smoke
we had to clean and called insurance
we known later that it was a personal revenge against a person who lived in the residence
this person has moved
More fear than harm
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2011 19:31
Message de romaindu86 posté le 03-11-2011 à 19:19:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais savoir s'il vous plaît où sont mes fautes car je ne suis pas très fort en anglais.
Merci pour vos réponses.
I will speak about something that happened me 9 months ago
I live with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois
I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside.
I thought it was a party in residence so i went back to sleep
my girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity
I lighted with my mobile phone and saw a thick black smoke in the apartment
We understood immediately that there was fire, we dressed quickly and we ran outside
Firefighters were there, four cars were burning below our apartment
it has not burned but was covered with a thick black smoke
we had to clean and called insurance
we known later that it was a personal revenge against a person who lived in the residence
this person has moved
More fear than harm
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-11-2011 19:31
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de alienor64, postée le 03-11-2011 à 20:14:20 (S | E)
Bonsoir !
Quelques suggestions :
- " I would speak about .....that happened to me ....."
- " ...it was a party in the residence "
- " We immediatly understood ...."
- " We quickly dressed "
Revoir les cours sur la place de l'adverbe .
- " Firemen ..."
- " We knew ..."(To know , knew , known )
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de romaindu86, postée le 03-11-2011 à 20:41:55 (S | E)
Merci,je pensais avoir plus de fautes que cela.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de notrepere, postée le 04-11-2011 à 02:37:45 (S | E)
BonjourPourquoi pensiez-vous avoir plus de fautes ?
I will speak (1) about something that happened (2) me 9 months ago.
I live with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois
I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside. OK
I thought it was a party in residence (3) so i went back to sleep.
my girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity. OK
I lighted (4) with my mobile phone and saw a thick black smoke in the apartment.
We understood immediately that there was fire, we dressed quickly and we ran outside. OK
Firefighters were there because four cars were burning below our apartment.
it (5) has not burned (6) but was covered with a thick black smoke
we had to clean and called the insurance company.
we known (7) later that it was a personal revenge against a person who lived in the residence (8)
this person has (6) moved
More fear than harm
(1) would like to speak est plus poli.
(2) préposition manquante
(3) cette expression veut dire quelque chose tout à fait différente.
(4) mal dit ; il faut tourner la phrase autrement
(5) What does "it" refer to?
(6) temps à revoir
(7) pas le meilleur verbe
(8) mot manquant ?
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de romaindu86, postée le 04-11-2011 à 08:42:00 (S | E)
Merci pour cette correction très précise.
Je pensais avoir plus de faute tout simplement car je maitrise mal les temps et la grammaire.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de tony, postée le 04-11-2011 à 08:50:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je pense également que tu dois changer le temps de ta seconde phrase : I was living ...
En effet la première phrase parle d'un élément passé, de ce fait attention à la concordance des temps. Tu parles d'un évenement passé qui est encore d'actualité ==> Was+v-ing
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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-11-2011 08:52
Sorry but the past continuous would not be correct here.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-11-2011 09:18
Please read my message below.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de bulsara_berte, postée le 04-11-2011 à 09:23:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je suis d'accord avec Lucile. Le prétérit en ing ne fonctionne pas pour deux raisons:
- Il s'agit d'un récit donc le texte doit être écrit au prétérit ( temps du récit). Si l'action continue dans le présent, il faudrait 1- utiliser le present perfect en ing 2- un marqueur temporel qui inscrit l'action dans la durée. Or ici c'est du récit pur.
Le prétérit en Ing cité dans le texte est utilisé car on a une action en cours à un instant donné du passé ( donc ce qui sous-entend que le texte soit au prétérit). C'est là son principal ( seul?) emploi
. On notera qu'il est utilisé dans le texte de Romain avec des relatives temporelles ( commençant par When).Voilà une fiche sommative qui peut vous aider:
Lien Internet
Le chemin vers la connaissance grammaticale est sinueux
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de emna, postée le 04-11-2011 à 13:21:41 (S | E)
salut,
xxxxxxxxxxx
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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-11-2011 18:17
Vous n'aviez fait que recopier le texte.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de silky, postée le 04-11-2011 à 13:26:51 (S | E)
Bonjour,
C'est gentil de ta part de vouloir aider Emma, mais je pense qu'il vaut mieux prendre en considération les conseils de notrepère et Lucile83. Ce sont des
sRéponse: Correction/ fire at home de notrepere, postée le 04-11-2011 à 14:18:35 (S | E)
HelloI hate to be contradictory, but I find no fault with "I was living...". I was living with my girlfriend in an apartment when this event occurred. I didn't mark it because one can assume that he is still living with his girlfriend there.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de gerondif, postée le 04-11-2011 à 17:07:32 (S | E)
Bonjour,
pour vous faire plaisir, je vais vous retrouver des erreurs, je prends comme base la correction de notre père pour économiser mes efforts et ne pas répéter les bons conseils qu'il vous a déjà donnés.
I will speak (1) about something that happened (2) me 9 months ago.
I live with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois
I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside. OK
I thought it was a party in (manque un article)residence (3) so i went back to sleep.
my girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity. OK
I lighted (4) with my mobile phone and saw a thick black smoke in the apartment.
We understood immediately that there was a fire, we dressed quickly and we ran outside. OK
Firefighters were there (c'est du français traduit, j'aurais plutôt dit: il y avait beaucoup de pompiers là: there were plenty of firemen there...)because four cars were burning below our apartment.
On pourrait aussi penser à:
we could see plenty of firemen because there were (il y avait 4 voitures en train de brûler)) four cars burning....)
it (5) has not burned (6) but was covered with (a) thick black smoke
we had to clean and called (call si le verbe dépend de we had to) the insurance company.
we known (7) later that it was a personal revenge against a person who lived in the residence (8)
this person has (6) moved
More fear than harm
(1) would like to speak est plus poli.(en effet, cela ira très bien, I would speak n'irait pas)
(2) préposition manquante (elle commence par un t et elle a deux lettres)
(3) cette expression veut dire quelque chose de tout à fait différent.
(4) mal dit ; il faut tourner la phrase autrement.(au moins mettre un complément d'objet, éclairer la pièce)
(5) What does "it" refer to? (en effet il vaut mieux préciser le sujet)
(6) temps à revoir,(en effet, un prétérit s'impose)
(7) pas le meilleur verbe ("entendre dire que":to hear)
(8) mot manquant ? ("depuis" par exemple, sinon, le present perfect ne se justifie pas)
pour votre "I live", effectivement, si vous y êtes encore, le présent convient.
Si vous situez la scène dans le passé sans la contraster avec un évênement qui l'interrompt, alors, le prétérit simple ira bien: at the time, I lived in St Eloi. On peut même aller jusqu'à: I used to live in St Eloi, surtout si vous n'y êtes plus.
I was living tout seul peut passer mais semble un peu étrange s'il n'y a pas un "when" pour le justifier.'Et comme le dit Lucile, c'est un verbe d'état et non d'action, alors ce when n'irait pas si on disait juste: "I was living in St Eloi when I heard strange noises".)
I was living with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois and I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside.
Mais ce qui me gêne, c'est que "I was living" indique une longue période de temps alors que "I was sleeping" ne s'applique qu'à la nuit de l'incendie et cela grince un peu de les mettre sur le même plan. Je pencherais plus pour un prétérit simple.
Ou alors, on précise:
I was living at the time with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois and I was sleeping there one night when I heard strange noises outside.
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Modifié par gerondif le 04-11-2011 23:25
Thanks for the BBC booklet,np,I printed it !
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de notrepere, postée le 04-11-2011 à 21:08:26 (S | E)
HelloThe narrative tenses are the preterite, the past continuous and the past perfect.
"When we talk about the past – for example, when we are telling anecdotes or stories – we use a collection of tenses
known as narrative tenses. In this group, we find the past simple tense, the past continuous (or
progressive) tense, and the past perfect."
~Learning English, BBC.
Lien Internet
The past continuous is often used when giving details about what was happening at a particular time in the past. Also called "atmosphere" or "setting the scene". In other words, at the time that this event happened, he was living with his girlfriend in a particular apartment. You can't look at the sentence in isolation. You have to take into account that it is part of a narration. The narrative tenses apply and the only one that works is the past continuous. Believe me, I've read a lot of English texts in my life. You would not say "I lived..." or "I have lived..." in this case.
See you.
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de lucile83, postée le 05-11-2011 à 09:16:20 (S | E)
Hello romaindu86,
I have some time to come back to this topic.Your text doesn't make sense because of the lack of punctuation.Look at that, it's just awful:
I will speak about something that happened me 9 months ago
I live with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois
I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside.
I thought it was a party in residence so i went back to sleep
my girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity....etc
You have to write something like this with full stops and upper cases:
I would like to speak about something that happened me 9 months ago.
I live
with my girlfriend in a first floor apartment in St Elois and one night I was sleeping when I heard strange noises outside. I thought it was a party in the residence so I went back to sleep.My girlfriend woke up 5 minutes later and turned on the light but there was no electricity.
Je continue en français...
Second point de discussion: I live
On ne sait pas si vous habitez encore dans cet appartement (peu importe) et c'est un récit du passé.
A partir de là vous avez plusieurs solutions:
I lived
I used to live
I was living/I am living à condition de relier cette action à la suivante par autre chose que when ou while.Le fait de vivre là n'est pas une action en soi,c'est un état,une constatation, ensuite seulement il s'est passé quelque chose.
Votre phrase telle qu'elle était ne voulait rien dire,désolée.
J'espère avoir simplifié les choses...sinon je reprends un café
Réponse: Correction/ fire at home de romaindu86, postée le 05-11-2011 à 11:43:06 (S | E)
Merci à tous pour toutes vos explications.
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