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British supermarkets
Message de ambref posté le 22-10-2011 à 19:19:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je débute en anglais et j'ai une présentation orale ce lundi (je sais qu'il est un peu tard pour ma requête ^^).
J'ai écrit un petit texte brouillon comme support et j'aimerais en avoir une correction en ce qui concerne la concordance des temps et la grammaire pour que le tout soit compréhensible.
Ce n'est pas très long donc mercibcp beaucoup d'avance à ceux qui m'aideront.
Today I’m gonna talk to you about British supermarkets.
The fact is that they now a lot of things about consumers, even more that the government.
How? With loyalty cards, who record informations about spending patterns.
These informations are then sold to lawyers (and can be used against you in court), socials networks such as Facebook, Twitter … or taken by the Government. This Government is suspected of supplying data banks. It could be a link with the “Murdoch Gate”. (Rupert Murdoch, the boss of the newspaper “News of the World” took his scoop from phone hacking.
All these actions are violation of privacy and we could also talk about some associations such as Amnesty fighting for the respect of human rights.
And what about Belgium in all of this? Because we also use these loyalty cards regularly in our supermarkets … Brings it real benefits or is it a way to record informations ?
We could do some research on this topic.
We could as well make a link from loyalty cards to targeted advertising. For example some supermarkets send us such and such publicity based on our spending habits. We also see this on the internet: when we do a lot of research on an especially thing, the advertising that appears is often related to that particular subject.
So, that was a preview of what we could do with my subject …
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2011 21:53
Message de ambref posté le 22-10-2011 à 19:19:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je débute en anglais et j'ai une présentation orale ce lundi (je sais qu'il est un peu tard pour ma requête ^^).
J'ai écrit un petit texte brouillon comme support et j'aimerais en avoir une correction en ce qui concerne la concordance des temps et la grammaire pour que le tout soit compréhensible.
Ce n'est pas très long donc merci
Today I’m gonna talk to you about British supermarkets.
The fact is that they now a lot of things about consumers, even more that the government.
How? With loyalty cards, who record informations about spending patterns.
These informations are then sold to lawyers (and can be used against you in court), socials networks such as Facebook, Twitter … or taken by the Government. This Government is suspected of supplying data banks. It could be a link with the “Murdoch Gate”. (Rupert Murdoch, the boss of the newspaper “News of the World” took his scoop from phone hacking.
All these actions are violation of privacy and we could also talk about some associations such as Amnesty fighting for the respect of human rights.
And what about Belgium in all of this? Because we also use these loyalty cards regularly in our supermarkets … Brings it real benefits or is it a way to record informations ?
We could do some research on this topic.
We could as well make a link from loyalty cards to targeted advertising. For example some supermarkets send us such and such publicity based on our spending habits. We also see this on the internet: when we do a lot of research on an especially thing, the advertising that appears is often related to that particular subject.
So, that was a preview of what we could do with my subject …
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2011 21:53
Réponse: British supermarkets de npo, postée le 22-10-2011 à 20:18:20 (S | E)
Hello,
I’m Nicolas, an intermediate level English, and I may help you!
Green is mine, red is yours.
Today I’m gonna talk to you about British supermarkets.
The fact is that they now have a lot of things about consumers, even more than that the government.
How? With loyalty cards, which (that is also possible) who record informations about spending patterns.
These informations are then (you don’t need it) sold to lawyers (and can be used against you in court), socials networks such as Facebook, Twitter… or they are taken by the Government. The This Government is suspected of supplying data banks. It would could be a link with the “Murdoch Gate”. (Rupert Murdoch, the boss of the newspaper “News of the World” took his scoop from phone hacking.)
All these actions are violation of privacy and we could also (you don’t need it) talk about them with some associations such as Amnesty fighting for the respect of human rights.
And what about Belgium in all of this? Because we also (you don’t need it) use these loyalty cards regularly in our supermarkets… Is it really bringing Brings it real benefits or is it a way to record informations?
We could do some researchs on this topic.
I think you should rewrite the following (it’s not clear):
We could also as well make a link from loyalty cards to targeted I think you should use another word instead of target. advertising. For example, some supermarkets send us some such and such publicity based on our spending habits and we would be able to see . We also see this on the internet: when we do a lot of research on an especially thing, the advertising that appears is often related or not to that particular subject.
So, that was a preview of what we could do with my subject…
N.B. You don’t need a space before question marks or ellipsis, as you need in French.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2011 21:54
Réponse: British supermarkets de sherry48, postée le 23-10-2011 à 03:15:15 (S | E)
Hello ambref. Here are some areas to look at.
spelling -- wrong word -- *-word missing -- placement
Today I’m gonna (too informal for a presentation) talk to you about British supermarkets.
The fact is that they now a lot of things about consumers, even more that the government.
How? With loyalty cards, who record informations about spending patterns.
These informations are then sold to lawyers (and can be used against you in court), socials networks such as Facebook,* Twitter … or taken by the Government. This Government is suspected of supplying *? data banks. It could be a link with
All these actions are violation (plural) of privacy and we could also talk about some associations such as Amnesty fighting for the respect of human rights.
And what about Belgium in all of this? Because we also use these loyalty cards regularly in our supermarkets … * Brings it real benefits or is it a way to record informations ?
We could do some research on this topic.
We could as well make a link from loyalty cards to targeted advertising. For example some supermarkets send us such and such publicity based on our spending habits. We also see this on the internet: when we do a lot of research on an especially thing, the advertising that appears is often related to that particular subject.
Your sentence ending with 'respect for human rights' seems somewhat unconnected with the first part of the sentence...maybe you could make 2 separate sentences with a nice transition.
Hope I've helped you.
Sherry
Réponse: British supermarkets de ambref, postée le 23-10-2011 à 13:25:51 (S | E)
Thank you both for your quick and complete answers!
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