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Correction/ motivation
Message de margo posté le 25-09-2011 à 11:50:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un sujet à rendre en anglais pour lundi et j'aurais souhaité avoir un retour sur celui ci :
y a t-il des fautes grammaticales ou des termes employés non appropriés ?
Qu'en pensez vous ?
Merci pour votre aide .
sujet: write a letter to Student Partnership Wordwide explaining why you would like to join their programme.
(Dans le contexte de base,je dois être une étudiante qui souhaite,durant son année sabbatique,intégrer cette association caritative pour venir en aide à une population vivant dans un pays pauvre.)
-Applicant's personnal data-
-Date-
-Company address-
Dear Mr or Ms,
I am a student and i would like to take a gap year before university. I address me to your organisation ,SPW,because I really want to have an interesting experience in working for your charity as a volunteer.
Firstly, I really want to integrate your organisation for about 6 or 7 months because I think it would be very benefic for me to leave my house and my balanced life for going abroad and try hard to be helpful,in some way,for a rural community in a poor country .
Indeed, this adventure can permit me to have a professonal experience and to broaden my horizons and my mind.
Moreover,I think that taking this kind of gap year can give me more responsabilities,can help me to grow up and to acquiere more maturity.
Furthermore,I have always think that everyone,in doing his best,could be helpful for underprivileged countries because I am sincerely optmistic about the future.
Above all ,work for your charity can also permit me to increase my skills in English and to immerse myself in an another culture.
I believe that my teaching skills and my serious and responsible character would be an asset for your programme.
I would be gratelful if you could take my application into consideration and contact me for an interview at your convenience .
I thank you again for your attention and look forward to hearing from you soon.
yours sincerely( doit faire environ 300 mots avec marge de 10%)
Une très bonne soirée à vous,merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-09-2011 12:44
Message de margo posté le 25-09-2011 à 11:50:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un sujet à rendre en anglais pour lundi et j'aurais souhaité avoir un retour sur celui ci :
y a t-il des fautes grammaticales ou des termes employés non appropriés ?
Qu'en pensez vous ?
Merci pour votre aide .
sujet: write a letter to Student Partnership Wordwide explaining why you would like to join their programme.
(Dans le contexte de base,je dois être une étudiante qui souhaite,durant son année sabbatique,intégrer cette association caritative pour venir en aide à une population vivant dans un pays pauvre.)
-Applicant's personnal data-
-Date-
-Company address-
Dear Mr or Ms,
I am a student and i would like to take a gap year before university. I address me to your organisation ,SPW,because I really want to have an interesting experience in working for your charity as a volunteer.
Firstly, I really want to integrate your organisation for about 6 or 7 months because I think it would be very benefic for me to leave my house and my balanced life for going abroad and try hard to be helpful,in some way,for a rural community in a poor country .
Indeed, this adventure can permit me to have a professonal experience and to broaden my horizons and my mind.
Moreover,I think that taking this kind of gap year can give me more responsabilities,can help me to grow up and to acquiere more maturity.
Furthermore,I have always think that everyone,in doing his best,could be helpful for underprivileged countries because I am sincerely optmistic about the future.
Above all ,work for your charity can also permit me to increase my skills in English and to immerse myself in an another culture.
I believe that my teaching skills and my serious and responsible character would be an asset for your programme.
I would be gratelful if you could take my application into consideration and contact me for an interview at your convenience .
I thank you again for your attention and look forward to hearing from you soon.
yours sincerely( doit faire environ 300 mots avec marge de 10%)
Une très bonne soirée à vous,merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-09-2011 12:44
Réponse: Correction/ motivation de gerondif, postée le 25-09-2011 à 19:11:15 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
(vert: correction offerte. autre couleur: à corriger)
Dear Mr or Ms,
I am a student and i would like to take a gap year before university. I address me to your organisation ,SPW,because I really want to have an interesting experience in(by) working for your charity as a volunteer.
Firstly, I really want to integrate your organisation for about 6 or 7 months because I think it would be very benefic(le dictionnaire en ligne donne beneficial) for me to leave my house and my balanced life for going (infinitif complet)abroad and try hard to be helpful,in some way,for a rural community in a poor country .
Indeed, this adventure can permit(sonne trop français) me to have a professional experience and to broaden my horizons and my mind.
Moreover,I think that taking this kind of gap year can give me more responsabilities,can help me to grow up and to acquiere more maturity.
Furthermore,I have always think(participe passé) that everyone,in doing his best,could be helpful for underprivileged countries because I am sincerely optimistic about the future.
Above all ,working for your charity can also permit me to increase my skills in English and to immerse myself in an (en trop)another culture.
I believe that my teaching skills and my serious and responsible character would be an asset for your programme.
I would be gratelful if you could take my application into consideration and contact me for an interview at your convenience .
I thank you again for your attention and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Réponse: Correction/ motivation de notrepere, postée le 25-09-2011 à 20:41:27 (S | E)
BonjourFirstly, I really want to integrate your organisation...
Deux suggestions:
1) 'want' est trop familier ; 'would like' est plus poli
2) 'integrate' on dirait: I would really like to integrate myself into your organisation
Lien Internet
would be an asset to your programme
Lien Internet
Cordialement
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