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IELTS practising
Message de elasista posté le 31-05-2011 à 17:08:44 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I want to thank you for correcting my essays.I am very pleased each time,as I noticed that someone has taken the time to read and correct my texts.
Topic of the essay:
"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays in our society, men and women do not have enough time to share with their children .this observation is caused by a lack of spare time due to a high percentage of women who work full time, from Monday to Friday. This lack of free time can lead to the decrease of time they should normally spend with their children. Recently, many surveys done by some French magazines like “femme d’aujourd’hui and Elle”, show figures about different social subjects and the consequence of women’s work.
This essay has for objective to give my point of view about the fact that watching TV can be bad for children. Before jumping into this topic, I though it important to introduce, the problem that many parents are facing those last year’s which is the lack of free time to share with their lovely ones more specially their children. But concerning the subject, I do not agree that watching television is bad for children.
First, more and more children prefer watching TV rather than playing board games. This observation is due to the fact that at school, soap movies and movies are one of the favorite subjects of discussion for them contrarily to board games.
Second, even though we have to admit that our government should more pay attention at what some TV channel divulge before 9 P.M, it is relevant to remind that it is the responsibility of parents to select what they want their kids to watch. I do have conscious that it is not always possibly but some TV operator like Belgacom provides this option.
To sum up, we are all aware that since this century, it is virtually impossible to not allow a child to watch TV and I do believe that complaining is not the appropriate solution for this case. For people who keep thinking that is watching television is bad for children, we might just advise them to better control the TV program watching by their own kids.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 31-05-2011 17:10
Message de elasista posté le 31-05-2011 à 17:08:44 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I want to thank you for correcting my essays.I am very pleased each time,as I noticed that someone has taken the time to read and correct my texts.
Topic of the essay:
"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays in our society, men and women do not have enough time to share with their children .this observation is caused by a lack of spare time due to a high percentage of women who work full time, from Monday to Friday. This lack of free time can lead to the decrease of time they should normally spend with their children. Recently, many surveys done by some French magazines like “femme d’aujourd’hui and Elle”, show figures about different social subjects and the consequence of women’s work.
This essay has for objective to give my point of view about the fact that watching TV can be bad for children. Before jumping into this topic, I though it important to introduce, the problem that many parents are facing those last year’s which is the lack of free time to share with their lovely ones more specially their children. But concerning the subject, I do not agree that watching television is bad for children.
First, more and more children prefer watching TV rather than playing board games. This observation is due to the fact that at school, soap movies and movies are one of the favorite subjects of discussion for them contrarily to board games.
Second, even though we have to admit that our government should more pay attention at what some TV channel divulge before 9 P.M, it is relevant to remind that it is the responsibility of parents to select what they want their kids to watch. I do have conscious that it is not always possibly but some TV operator like Belgacom provides this option.
To sum up, we are all aware that since this century, it is virtually impossible to not allow a child to watch TV and I do believe that complaining is not the appropriate solution for this case. For people who keep thinking that is watching television is bad for children, we might just advise them to better control the TV program watching by their own kids.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-05-2011 17:10
Réponse: IELTS practising de notrepere, postée le 31-05-2011 à 19:53:24 (S | E)
HelloNowadays in our society, men and women do not have enough time to share with their children. This observation is caused by a lack of spare time due to a high percentage of women who work full time, from Monday to Friday. This lack of free time can lead to the decrease of time they should normally spend with their children. Recently, many surveys done by some French magazines like “femme d’aujourd’hui" and "Elle”, show figures about different social subjects and the consequence of women’s work (1).
(1) It is not "women's work" that is of consequence but the fact that they are working more.
This essay has for objective (2) to give my point of view about the fact that watching TV can be bad for children. Before jumping into this topic, I thought it important to introduce the problem that many parents are facing those last year’s (3) which is the lack of free time to share with their lovely ones more
(2) Je suggère de mettre "Objective" au début de la phrase "The objective of... [verb to be] to give"
(3) Je ne comprends pas
First, more and more children prefer watching TV rather than playing board games. This observation is due to the fact that at school, soap movies (4) and movies are one of the favourite
subjects of discussion for them (4) Soap operas?
Second, even though we have to admit that our government should more pay attention at (5) what some TV channels divulge before 9 P.M, it is relevant to remind (6) that it is the responsibility of parents to select what they want their kids to watch. I do have conscious (7) that it is not always possibly but some TV operators like Belgacom provides this option.
(5) mauvaise préposition
(6) ces mots ne vont pas ensemble comme ça
(7) pas de sens; I am aware?
To sum up, we are all aware that since this century, it is virtually impossible to not (8) allow a child to watch TV and I do believe that complaining is not the appropriate solution in this case. For people who keep thinking that is watching television is bad for children, we might just advise them to better control the TV program watching by their own kids.
(8) le 'not' se place avant l'infinitif
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