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Writing about a child
Message de vivina7 posté le 02-05-2011 à 17:46:43 (S | E | F)
Hello,
J'ai une rédaction à faire:
je dois me mettre dans la peau d'un enfant de 10 ans qui seraexporté emmené avec d'autres garçons dans une île durant la 2nd guerre mondiale. Seulement, leur avion va s’écraser,les enfants vont survivre, le pilote et le co-pilote vont mourir.
Je dois raconter ce qui se passe sur l'île. Pour cette partie, je dois utiliser le prétérit et le plus-que-parfait. Je dois relater 3 jours.
Voici le premier jour.
Aussi, j'ai d'énormes difficultés en anglais, pourriez-vous m'indiquer mes fautes s'il vous plaît que je corrigerai par la suite ?
Merci d'avance.
My name is Bryan Collins, I'm 10 , I am part of the school choir in which our head is Jack Merridew and I'm starting this diary for tell all day that I spend away from parents.
On July 16th 1944,
At four o'clock in the morning, my mother woke me up to go to the airport, it was the day of departure. I went from an island very far from England, away from my parents. The British Government has decided to export thousands of children in Australia and birtannique small islands until the war shall end. My mother gave me a kiss to say goodbye. In the plane there were about thirty boys onboard, I recognized the other members of the school choir and especially the scary Jack Merridew. I sat near the window to admired the endless blue sea.
An hour after takeoff, I began to doze off when suddenly the plane swung violently forward,the children cried no one knew what was happened, I then realized that the plane would crash. And was the case.
Just after the crash, I took my mind, I was on a desert island, members of the school choir struts around me. I was glad they were alive. But we heard a strange sound.
We headed toward it. We saw a boy with a conch in his hand and a small fat boy. The others boys arrived. The fat boys nicknamed Piggy, he starts presenting the boys one by one but he forgets names and confuses the twin's names. Jack calls Piggy " fatty " which leads the children to expenses of Piggy.
For my part, I didn't find it funny, Piggy ought to defend themselves. The boys realized thye need a chief. So, we vote to elected the chief. Me and All the boys of the choir vote for Jack. But its Ralph who is elected.
The night was soon dropped Ralph suggested that we go to the beach to spend
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-05-2011 21:42
Message de vivina7 posté le 02-05-2011 à 17:46:43 (S | E | F)
Hello,
J'ai une rédaction à faire:
je dois me mettre dans la peau d'un enfant de 10 ans qui sera
Je dois raconter ce qui se passe sur l'île. Pour cette partie, je dois utiliser le prétérit et le plus-que-parfait. Je dois relater 3 jours.
Voici le premier jour.
Aussi, j'ai d'énormes difficultés en anglais, pourriez-vous m'indiquer mes fautes s'il vous plaît que je corrigerai par la suite ?
Merci d'avance.
My name is Bryan Collins, I'm 10 , I am part of the school choir in which our head is Jack Merridew and I'm starting this diary for tell all day that I spend away from parents.
On July 16th 1944,
At four o'clock in the morning, my mother woke me up to go to the airport, it was the day of departure. I went from an island very far from England, away from my parents. The British Government has decided to export thousands of children in Australia and birtannique small islands until the war shall end. My mother gave me a kiss to say goodbye. In the plane there were about thirty boys onboard, I recognized the other members of the school choir and especially the scary Jack Merridew. I sat near the window to admired the endless blue sea.
An hour after takeoff, I began to doze off when suddenly the plane swung violently forward,the children cried no one knew what was happened, I then realized that the plane would crash. And was the case.
Just after the crash, I took my mind, I was on a desert island, members of the school choir struts around me. I was glad they were alive. But we heard a strange sound.
We headed toward it. We saw a boy with a conch in his hand and a small fat boy. The others boys arrived. The fat boys nicknamed Piggy, he starts presenting the boys one by one but he forgets names and confuses the twin's names. Jack calls Piggy " fatty " which leads the children to expenses of Piggy.
For my part, I didn't find it funny, Piggy ought to defend themselves. The boys realized thye need a chief. So, we vote to elected the chief. Me and All the boys of the choir vote for Jack. But its Ralph who is elected.
The night was soon dropped Ralph suggested that we go to the beach to spend
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-05-2011 21:42
Réponse: Writing about a child de notrepere, postée le 03-05-2011 à 07:15:00 (S | E)
Hello* Attention: Le plus-que-parfait = pluperfect = past perfect n'existe pas dans votre texte. Il faut revoir son emploi : had + participe passé
**Attention à la différence entre la forme infinitive après un autre verbe.
My name is Bryan Collins, (1) I'm 10 , (2) I am part of the school choir of which our head is Jack Merridew and I'm starting this diary for tell all day that I spend away from parents. (3)
On July 16th 1944,
At four o'clock in the morning, my mother woke me up to go to the airport, (2) it was the day of departure. I went from (4) an island very far from England, away from my parents. The British Government has decided (5) to export (6) thousands of children in (7) Australia and birtannique small islands (8) until the war shall end (9). My mother gave me a kiss to say goodbye. In the plane there were about thirty boys on board, (2) I recognized the other members of the school choir and especially the scary Jack Merridew. I sat near the window to admired (**) the endless blue sea.
An hour after takeoff, I began to doze off when suddenly the plane swung violently forward, (2) the children cried (10) and no one knew what was happened, (2)I then realized that the plane would crash. And this was the case.
Just after the crash, I took my mind (11), I was on a desert island, members of the school choir struts (12) around me. I was glad they were alive. But we heard a strange sound.
We headed toward it. We saw a boy with a conch in his hand and a small fat boy. The others boys arrived.
(1) il faut une conjonction comme and, but, or ; Quel choix convient? My name is John and I am 15 years old.
(2) point.
(3) mal dit ; à refaire
(4) to ?
(5) past perfect ?
(6) people are not 'exported' ; il faut un autre verbe
(7) mauvaise préposition
(8) orthographe et ordre des mots
(9) the end of the war
(10) il faut la forme continue
(11) mal dit ; n'a pas de sens
(12) temps à revoir et il faut un meilleur verbe
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