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Capitaine Cook /Correction
Message de ophelie57 posté le 11-03-2011 à 14:21:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un devoir pour la rentrée mais je suis sûre qu'il y a plein de fautes de temps et peut être de vocabulaire.
Le sujet :
Vous êtes le Capitaine Cook et vous venez juste d'atterrir sur NZ avec votre équipage. Dès la prise de contact avec les Maoris, vousavez vous êtes soudainement rendu compte que l'un de vos membre d'équipage avait disparu. Imaginez ce qui arrive ensuite.
Voici ma production :
We were sipping a specialty of the Maori, when I realized that Ben, our biologist had disappeared. I asked the other crew members if they knew where he stood. Nobodyanswered, then a Maori child told me he was gone for a walk to observe plants thatwere in NZ. I was then very worried because we were in the forest and the leader of the Maori tribe had already told us he had to stay together because of the dangerousnessof this forest. In desperation, I ordered all crew to make the search for Ben. Maori hadeven offered us their help! Each person crew left with a Maori. I am left with the chief.The sun began to disappear, the darkness fell. To be honest, I was scared even thoughI was accompanied by someone who knew the forest. I heard the sound of wild animals, snakes slid between my legs, monkeys jumping over my head, fried spiderson the ground, yes, I was terrified. Then I saw a very cute little monkey, he was alone, Ithought he had lost his parents, so I took on my shoulder.
The Maori leader advised me not to take it with me but I was not listening.
So me and the leader we started talking about Ben. The little monkey looked very smart,I felt he listened to us. Suddenly, we saw a biology book, was that of good old Ben! Weshouted "Ben .... Ben!" and we heard a little way but we did not know which direction itcame. With the little monkey, we found that Ben was stuck in a tree. We saved Ben and the only thing that Ben had chosen was that science had no limits!
MERCI POUR VOTRE AIDE Merci pour votre aide. 
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Modifié par bridg le 11-03-2011 16:11
Message de ophelie57 posté le 11-03-2011 à 14:21:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un devoir pour la rentrée mais je suis sûre qu'il y a plein de fautes de temps et peut être de vocabulaire.
Le sujet :
Vous êtes le Capitaine Cook et vous venez juste d'atterrir sur NZ avec votre équipage. Dès la prise de contact avec les Maoris, vous
Voici ma production :
We were sipping a specialty of the Maori, when I realized that Ben, our biologist had disappeared. I asked the other crew members if they knew where he stood. Nobodyanswered, then a Maori child told me he was gone for a walk to observe plants thatwere in NZ. I was then very worried because we were in the forest and the leader of the Maori tribe had already told us he had to stay together because of the dangerousnessof this forest. In desperation, I ordered all crew to make the search for Ben. Maori hadeven offered us their help! Each person crew left with a Maori. I am left with the chief.The sun began to disappear, the darkness fell. To be honest, I was scared even thoughI was accompanied by someone who knew the forest. I heard the sound of wild animals, snakes slid between my legs, monkeys jumping over my head, fried spiderson the ground, yes, I was terrified. Then I saw a very cute little monkey, he was alone, Ithought he had lost his parents, so I took on my shoulder.
The Maori leader advised me not to take it with me but I was not listening.
So me and the leader we started talking about Ben. The little monkey looked very smart,I felt he listened to us. Suddenly, we saw a biology book, was that of good old Ben! Weshouted "Ben .... Ben!" and we heard a little way but we did not know which direction itcame. With the little monkey, we found that Ben was stuck in a tree. We saved Ben and the only thing that Ben had chosen was that science had no limits!
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Modifié par bridg le 11-03-2011 16:11
Réponse: Capitaine Cook /Correction de notrepere, postée le 11-03-2011 à 18:51:35 (S | E)
HelloBeaucoup de petites fautes
We were sipping a specialty of the Maori, (1) when I realized that Ben, our biologist, (2) had disappeared. I asked the other crew members if they knew where he stood (3). Nobody answered, (4) Then a Maori child told me he was (5) gone for a walk to observe plants that were in NZ. I was then very worried because we were in the forest and the leader of the Maori tribe had already told us he (7) had to stay together because of the dangerousness (8) of this forest. In desperation, I ordered all crew to make the search (9) for Ben. (10) Maori had even offered us their help! Each person (11) crew left with a Maori. I am (5) left with the chief (12). The sun began to disappear, the darkness fell (13). To be honest, I was scared even though I was accompanied by someone who knew the forest. I heard the sound of wild animals; snakes slid between my legs; monkeys jumping (5) over my head, fried
spiders on the ground. Yes, I was terrified. Then I saw a very cute little monkey. He was alone, (14) I thought he had lost his parents, so I took (15) on my shoulder.The Maori leader advised me not to take it (16) with me but I was not listening (5).
So me and the leader (17)
(1) Pas de virgule
(2) vigule vaut mieux à cette place
(3) un autre verbe
(4) Cette phrase vaut mieux comme: ... but nobody answered. [point]
(5) temps à revoir
(7) on, nous pas il
(8) forme du mot à revoir
(9) pourquoi pas juste "to search"
(10) article manquant
(11) forme possessive?
(12) nom propre, il faut un majuscule
(13) phrase à refaire; on comprend mais pas les meilleurs choix pour les mots
(14) conjonction manquante (and, but, or)
(15) it/him
(16) it ou him? il faut choisir l'un ou l'autre
(17) ordre des mots: leader and I
(18) pas les bons mots
(19) je ne comprends pas
(20) pas le bon verbe: rescued vaut mieux
(21) chosen... to say? je ne comprends pas
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