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Message de sofi60400 posté le 11-12-2010 à 09:33:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
voici une expression écrite que je dois faire en anglais,moi même qui mais je ne suis pas très forte dans ce domaine; pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger les fautes?
"Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a cardiac stop caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 january1935 to Tupelo. As soon as its youngest age, he is attracted by musical genres such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by a Sam Philips who is in search of a young talent. This one is going to suggest him singing «Of That All Right» for an attempt, will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and the new musical genre «the Rock and roll”.
Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to its cutting original, its voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as its clothing holding, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he had also recognized by him actors’ talents in particular with these numerous shootings that are 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold most disks or all in all 1 milliard. He is recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
In this way eccentric to live, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, its clothing style. Furthermore, certain characters famous as Johnny Halliday, French singer, were inspired by his music style, the rock for them same future famous.
Today Elvis will remain an icon for all in particular with its inheritance which left with us of the Rock and roll. As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back."
Merci d'avance.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-12-2010 09:40
Message de sofi60400 posté le 11-12-2010 à 09:33:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
voici une expression écrite que je dois faire en anglais,
"Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a cardiac stop caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 january1935 to Tupelo. As soon as its youngest age, he is attracted by musical genres such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by a Sam Philips who is in search of a young talent. This one is going to suggest him singing «Of That All Right» for an attempt, will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and the new musical genre «the Rock and roll”.
Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to its cutting original, its voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as its clothing holding, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he had also recognized by him actors’ talents in particular with these numerous shootings that are 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold most disks or all in all 1 milliard. He is recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
In this way eccentric to live, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, its clothing style. Furthermore, certain characters famous as Johnny Halliday, French singer, were inspired by his music style, the rock for them same future famous.
Today Elvis will remain an icon for all in particular with its inheritance which left with us of the Rock and roll. As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back."
Merci d'avance.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-12-2010 09:40
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de zodiac97500, postée le 11-12-2010 à 18:35:14 (S | E)
Bonjour
Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a cardiac stop caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 january1935 to Tupelo. (its youngest age,) he is attracted by musical genres such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by a Sam Philips who is in search of a young talent. This one is going to suggest him singing «Of That All Right» for an attempt,( it ) will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and the new musical genre «the Rock and roll”.
Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to its (cutting ) ? original, its voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as its clothing , Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he had also (manque verbe )recognized by him actors’ talents in particular with these numerous shootings as 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold (most disks or all in all) more than 1 milliard disks. He is recognized ( known) as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
In (with ) his way eccentric way to live, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, its clothing style. Furthermore, (certain characters )some famous French singer as Johnny Halliday, French singer, were inspired by his music style, (the rock for them same future famous.)?
Today Elvis will remain an icon for all in particular with its inheritance which left with us of Rock and roll. ( As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back." )?
1/heart attack
2As soon as its youngest age, tu as du vouloir dire : dés son plus jeune âge
essaie de reformuler ex : trés jeune, ou très tôt
3/ genre : style
4/ looking for : a la recherche de nouveaux talents
5 try his luck ( take his chance )
trop de mot a mot souvent . Une petite astuce : essayer de retraduire sa phrase et éventuellement de la reformuler
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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-12-2010 18:47
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de may, postée le 11-12-2010 à 19:01:21 (S | E)
Bonjour
Quelques remarques
Tuesday (,) 16 august
8 january 1935
mois/jour/année ou ajouter un article défini (the 15th, par exemple) et un préposition entre jour et mois
(at)autre préposition the hospital of Memphis
Bonne journée,
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de sofi60400, postée le 11-12-2010 à 19:54:03 (S | E)
Merci pour vos réponses.Je vais essayer de corriger mes fautes et je reporterai mes réponses.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-12-2010 20:37
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de sofi60400, postée le 12-12-2010 à 00:05:47 (S | E)
j'ai essayé de corriger mes fautes
Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a heart attack caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 january 1935 in Tupelo. Very young he is attracted by musical style such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by Sam Philips who is who is in looking for a young talent. This one is going to suggest him to sing «Of That All Right» for an attempt. It will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and of a new musical style “the Rock and Roll”.
"Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to his original cut, his voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as his clothing, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he was also recognized for his actor talents in particular with these numerous shootings as 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold more than 1 milliard disks. He was recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
Of his originality, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, his clothing style. Furthermore, certain persons some famous as Johnny Halliday who it is inspired by his music style, for to become famous.
Today (Pourquoi je ne peux pas metre “today”?)Elvis will remain an icon for all in particular with its inheritance
As “the Rock and Roll”. (As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back.»)?(ici je voulais dire : Ainsi que les nombreux sosies qui nous font rappeler un personnage extraordinaire."
Merci à tous d'avance!!!
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de may, postée le 12-12-2010 à 03:04:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir
Yesterday morning (, on) Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, (at)in the hospital of Memphis of a heart attack caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born préposition8 january 1935 in Tupelo. (Very young)expression manquant he is attracted by musical style such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and (is going to) try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He (is going to) gets noticed by Sam Philips who is (who is in) looking for
(is going to) suggest him to sing «Of That All Right» for an attempt. It will temps? be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and of a new musical style “the Rock and Roll”."
Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to his original cut, his voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as his clothing, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he was also recognized for his actor talents in particular with these numerous shootings Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have
Of his originality
, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, his clothing style. Furthermore, certain persons (some famous) as Johnny Halliday who (it) is inspired by his music style (, for) to become famous.Today (Pourquoi je ne peux pas metre “today” OK?)Elvis
As “the Rock and Roll”. (As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back.)?(ici je voulais dire : Ainsi que les nombreux sosies qui nous font rappeler un personnage extraordinaire." Essayer de faire une autre phrase
Remarquer le temps utilisé dans le texte (Supposé le passé composé)
Attention à l'accord du temps avec le sujet
Best wishes
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de zodiac97500, postée le 12-12-2010 à 03:53:01 (S | E)
Hi
Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a heart attack caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 january 1935 in Tupelo. Very young he is attracted by musical style such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by Sam Philips who is who is in looking for a young talent. This one is going to suggest him to sing «Of That All Right» for an attempt. It will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and of a new musical style “the Rock and Roll”.
"Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to his original cut, his voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as his clothing, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he was also recognized for his actor talents in particular with these numerous shootings as 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold more than 1 milliard disks sold. He was recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
Of his originality, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, his clothing style. Furthermore, certain person some famous as Johnny Halliday who it is inspired by his music style, to become famous.Today (Pourquoi je ne peux pas metre “today”?)Elvis will remain an icon for all in particular with its inheritance
As “the Rock and Roll”. (As well as the numerous doubles who make us an extraordinary character call back.»)?(ici je voulais dire : Ainsi que les nombreux sosies qui nous font rappeler un personnage extraordinaire."
Thanks to its uncommon kind, due to his original cut,
Merçi a son style peu commun du à sa coupe de cheveux originale ?
certaines personnes (aussi célèbre que )le chanteur Français Johny Halliday(attention au temps ) ce sont inspirées de ce style de musique pour devenir (célèbre : répétition )
from today Elvis will remain (à partir d'aujourd'hui Elvis restera )
Elvis remains today( Elvis reste aujourd'hui ) présent
inheritance ( plus pour héritage financier)plutot (legacy )dans ce cas
rappeler quelqu'un : call back : se rappeler....: to remember
essaie : nombres de sosies nous rappelent ce personnage extraordinaire
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Modifié par zodiac97500 le 12-12-2010 04:02
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de sofi60400, postée le 12-12-2010 à 10:21:45 (S | E)
j'ai essayé de reformuler
Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 august, died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a heart attack caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 January 1935 in Tupelo. Very young he is attracted by musical style such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by Sam Philips who is in looking for a young talent. This one is going to suggest him to sing «Of That All Right» for an attempt. It will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and of a new musical style “the Rock and Roll”.
Thanks to its uncommon kind, as well as to his original cut(=Grâce à son style peu commun ainsi qu’à sa coupe original), his voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as his clothing, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he was also recognized for his actor talents in particular with these numerous shootings as 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold more than 1 milliard disks. He was recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
Of his originality, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hairstyle, his clothing style. Furthermore, certain person as the singer Johnny Halliday it are inspired by his music style, to become famous (= Certaines personnes comme Johny ce sont inspirés de son style de musique pour devenir célèbre).Elvis Presley remain today an icon for all in particular with his legacy as “the Rock and Roll”. As well as that the numerous doubles who make us to remember an extraordinary person.(=ainsi que les nombreux sosies qui nous font rappeller une personne extraordinaire)
Merci d'avance
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de ramdam, postée le 12-12-2010 à 11:08:43 (S | E)
Hello, sofi60400.
Une remarque importante au sujet de l'utilisation de la virgule en anglais.Dans
La 1ère phrase de votre texte,vous avez éxagéré l'utilisation des virgules.Je
vous propose la correction suivante avec une reformulation de la dite phrase.
Yesterday morning,on Tuesday,August 16, the singer Elvis Presley died of a
heart attack,caused by an abuse of medicines,in the hospital of Memphis.
N.B. Je vous rappelle qu' en ce qui concerne l'utilisation de la virgule dans
les dates,il y a plusieurs façons de l'écrire:
( G.B.) Tuesday 16th August 2008
(G.B.) Tuesday, August 16 th, 2008
(G.B.) Tuesday, August 16, 2008
(U.S.) Tuesday, August 16, 2008
C'est cette dernière forme américaine qui est la plus utilisée:
Tuesday, August 16, 2008
D'autre part, lorsqu'on écrit la date en chiffres,la forme américaine est comme
suit: 8 /16/ 2008 (Le mois précède le jour)
Best wishes.
Réponse: Correction d'un texte de zodiac97500, postée le 12-12-2010 à 14:08:29 (S | E)
Hi
Yesterday morning, on Tuesday, 16 of august( année ), died, the singer Elvis Presley, at the hospital of Memphis of a heart attack caused by an abuse of medicines.
Elvis Aaron Presley, nicknamed "The King", was born 8 January 1935 in Tupelo. Very young he is attracted by musical style such as the Blues, the country and the Gospel. He does not hesitate and is going to try his luck by going into a recording studio, «the Sun Record ". He is going to get noticed by Sam Philips who is in looking for a young talent. This one is going to suggest him to sing «Of That All Right» for an attempt. It will be the beginning of the success for Elvis Presley and of a new musical style “the Rock and Roll”.
Thanks to its uncommon kind (style ), as well as to his original hair cut(à son style peu commun ainsi qu’à sa coupe de cheveux originale), his voice of baritone, the way he sways hips as well as his clothing, Elvis Presley became a famous singer. However, he was also recognized for his actor talents in particular with these numerous shootings as 31 movies and 525 shows.
Furthermore, Elvis Presley is the second man in the world after Michael Jackson to have sold more than 1 milliard disks. He was recognized as one of the most important singers of the XXth century.
Of his originality, Elvis Presley influenced many persons in particular teenagers who copied his hair style and his clothing style. Furthermore, certain person as the French singer Johnny Halliday it are inspired by his music style, to become famous .Elvis Presley remain today an icon for all in particular with his legacy as “the Rock and Roll”. As well as that the numerous doubles who make us to remember an extraordinary person
( se sont inspirés )
(remains ) masculin singulier : s à la fin
( as a Rock and Roll legend . ) Attention à la ponctuation pour la suite et à la traduction mot à mot
Number of doubles remember us about this extraordinairy character .
il y a encore du travail , mais on dit : cent fois sur le métier ...
Bonne journée
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