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Writing/Robbery
Message de steve_vai0 posté le 25-11-2010 à 21:27:48 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I wrotethat this text in order to improve my English, it's about "robbery".
Could you please correct it?
Thanks a lot.
Catch the thief
Like every Saturday morning, I used to do my shopping in one of my favorite store, but that day, I’ll never forget in all my life.
The store in that day was almost empty from costumers as usual.
I was taking my shopping cart and, the store was very quiet, suddenly I heard someone shout very loud ( Give the money !!!!!!!!! , yeah , All !!!!!!!!!)
I turned around to see what’s going on, what I saw was a guy with his gun point toward the cashier.
I was really very afraid; I have never been like situation before
I didn’t see the guy clearly, because of his mask hiding his face I saw just his eyes
The cashier was very scare and begun to give him all the money exist in the box, while I was hiding behind the blocks I called the police to tell them what was going on in the store, fortunately the police was close to the store they came quickly to catch the thief before he took the money and injure the cashier or someone else.
Not even a minute the police came and surrounded the store and other enter in with their guns, starting with calming down the thief and asking him to drop down his gun peacefully but in vain, the thief was very scared he shouted the policeman fortunately he’s very smart he hind behind the wall, and his friend shouted the thief in his knees,
Not to kill him just to scare him to drop the gun down.
The thief fall down in the ground and beginning to bleed , they caught him and called the ambulance to took him in the hospital.
The cashier was very scared and happy at the same time because he was saved from death.
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Edited by lucile83 on 25-11-2010 21:34
+ forum
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Modifié par traviskidd le 26-11-2010 19:26
Message de steve_vai0 posté le 25-11-2010 à 21:27:48 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I wrote
Could you please correct it?
Thanks a lot.
Catch the thief
Like every Saturday morning, I used to do my shopping in one of my favorite store, but that day, I’ll never forget in all my life.
The store in that day was almost empty from costumers as usual.
I was taking my shopping cart and, the store was very quiet, suddenly I heard someone shout very loud ( Give the money !!!!!!!!! , yeah , All !!!!!!!!!)
I turned around to see what’s going on, what I saw was a guy with his gun point toward the cashier.
I was really very afraid; I have never been like situation before
I didn’t see the guy clearly, because of his mask hiding his face I saw just his eyes
The cashier was very scare and begun to give him all the money exist in the box, while I was hiding behind the blocks I called the police to tell them what was going on in the store, fortunately the police was close to the store they came quickly to catch the thief before he took the money and injure the cashier or someone else.
Not even a minute the police came and surrounded the store and other enter in with their guns, starting with calming down the thief and asking him to drop down his gun peacefully but in vain, the thief was very scared he shouted the policeman fortunately he’s very smart he hind behind the wall, and his friend shouted the thief in his knees,
Not to kill him just to scare him to drop the gun down.
The thief fall down in the ground and beginning to bleed , they caught him and called the ambulance to took him in the hospital.
The cashier was very scared and happy at the same time because he was saved from death.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 25-11-2010 21:34
+ forum
-------------------
Modifié par traviskidd le 26-11-2010 19:26
Réponse: Writing/Robbery de gerondif, postée le 26-11-2010 à 00:08:57 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Vous êtes vraiment à Boston? J'étais à UNH en 1977-78, et j'allais souvent à Boston...Bons souvenirs .....
vert: correction offerte: bleu ou rouge: à corriger
Catch the thief
Like every Saturday morning, I used to (mauvais choix de traduction d'imparfait)do my shopping in one of my favorite stores, but that day, I’ll never forget in all my life.
The store in that day was almost empty from costumers as usual.
I was taking my shopping cart and, the store was very quiet, suddenly I heard someone shout very loud ( Give the money !!!!!!!!! , yeah , All (incorrect)!!!!!!!!!)
I turned around to see what’s(concordance) going on, what I saw was a guy with his gun point**** towards the cashier.
I was really very afraid; I have(concordance) never been like (mauvais verbe seen? been ? like ne va pas)situation before
I didn’t (couldn't serait bien mieux)see the guy clearly, because of his mask hiding his face I saw just his eyes
The cashier was very scared and begun to give him all the money exist in the box, while I was hiding behind the blocks I called the police to tell them what was going on in the store, fortunately the police was close to the store they came quickly to catch the thief before he took the money and injure(temps) the cashier or someone else.
Not even a minute (introduisez ce complément)the police came and surrounded the store and others enter(temps) in with their guns, starting with calming down the thief and asking him to drop down his gun peacefully but in vain, the thief was very scared he shouted *** the policeman (ponctuation)fortunately he’s(concordance de temps) very smart he hind behind the wall, and his friend shouted(crier) the thief in his knees,
Not to kill him just to scare him to drop the gun down.
The thief fall(prétérit) down in the ground and beginning(temps) to bleed , they caught him and called the ambulance to took(infinitif) him in the hospital.
The cashier was very scared and happy at the same time because he was saved from death.
Maîtrisez vos temps et vos conjugaisons.
Réponse: Writing/Robbery de steve_vai0, postée le 26-11-2010 à 00:59:16 (S | E)
oui je suis à Boston
Merci c'est compris.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-11-2010 08:48
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