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Memo 2
Message de castillan2 posté le 19-10-2010 à 15:05:44 (S | E | F)
Hi,
Apparently I can't put all of my memo. Hopefully this one is ok...
By the way, this text is a fake, there is nothing real inside... It's just a memo to improve my English...
This memo is in order to indentify the training areas of each staff’s member are interested in before the starting of the training program.
Ø The training program is going to unfold from Monday, 1st November 2010 at 10.00 until Friday, 12th November at 6.00 pm
Ø Any suggestions are very welcomed and can be sent on the following xxxxxx
Ø All suggestions or require information have to be sent before Tuesday, 26 October.
This survey is made in order to improve the quality of the next training program and to make it profitable to increase the knowledge and the knowhow of every member of the staff.
Thank you for your time!
Message de castillan2 posté le 19-10-2010 à 15:05:44 (S | E | F)
Hi,
Apparently I can't put all of my memo. Hopefully this one is ok...
By the way, this text is a fake, there is nothing real inside... It's just a memo to improve my English...
This memo is in order to indentify the training areas of each staff’s member are interested in before the starting of the training program.
Ø The training program is going to unfold from Monday, 1st November 2010 at 10.00 until Friday, 12th November at 6.00 pm
Ø Any suggestions are very welcomed and can be sent on the following xxxxxx
Ø All suggestions or require information have to be sent before Tuesday, 26 October.
This survey is made in order to improve the quality of the next training program and to make it profitable to increase the knowledge and the knowhow of every member of the staff.
Thank you for your time!
Réponse: Memo 2 de castillan2, postée le 19-10-2010 à 21:49:56 (S | E)
Personne pour m'aider?
Réponse: Memo 2 de lamy, postée le 19-10-2010 à 22:51:05 (S | E)
Bonjour
Comme on ne peut pas faire le travail à votre place, je vous indique quelques changements à effectuer:
is in order to -> aims at + ing
indentify (orthographe)
staff's member (pas de possessif) : member of staff
are interested in (pourquoi 'are'? pourquoi 'in' s'il n'y a pas de complément)
the starting -> the beginning
to unfold = se déployer…
any suggestions : à laisser au singulier
very welcomed : enlevez 'very' et 'd' de welcomed
to send TO
Reliez les 2 phrases commençant par 'any' et 'all' et supprimez ce qu'il faut. Remplacez 'have to ' par 'should' ou utilisez un impératif: Please send…
This survey is made to improve -> … aims to improve
and to make it profitable to increase… (un peu lourd)
Bon travail
Réponse: Memo 2 de gerondif, postée le 19-10-2010 à 22:55:03 (S | E)
Hi,
Apparently I can't put all of my memo. Hopefully (Let's hope this one is ok would be more correct)
By the way, this text is a fake, there is nothing real inside... It's just a memo to improve my English... So, let's see what there is to improve
This memo is in order to indentify the training areas of each staff’s member are interested in(1) pauvreté du verbe être dans cette phrase 2) construction incorrecte, 2 phrases se téléscopent, en plus member est singulier, are pluriel, very fouillis!) before the starting(maladroit, the start ou the beginning) of the training program.
Ø The training program is going to unfold(existe mais fait un peu français traduit, to take place me paraîtrait plus naturel mais c'est juste mon point de vue) from Monday, 1st November 2010 at 10.00 until Friday, 12th November at 6.00 pm
Ø Any(n'importe quelles suggestions fait bizarre en tête de phrase) suggestions are very welcomed and can be sent on(c'est quel type de complément, une adresse internet, une date? comme le dit Lamy, you send something to somebody) the following xxxxxx
Ø All suggestions or require (ce verbe est mal placé et mal employé, pour le mot requête, c'est "all information requests")information have to be sent before Tuesday, 26 October (date sans th, courante aux usa).
This survey is made in order to improve the quality of the next training program and to make it profitable to increase the knowledge and the know-how of every member of the staff.
Réponse: Memo 2 de castillan2, postée le 30-10-2010 à 18:36:57 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide!
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