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Child & Comics

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Child & Comics
Message de splash posté le 03-06-2010 à 19:38:28 (S | E | F)

Bonsoir à tous j'aurais besoin d'une correction pour ce sujet suivant:


When The Ugly Duckling is born, it does not look like his brothers and sisters in brood. Rejected by all, because of different physical, he was forced to leave his "family" and go away, never to suffer their ridicule and beatings. On his way he meets people do not really agree either. One day, however, dazzled by the beauty of swans, the ugly duckling decides to go to them and realized, looking at herself in the water, it is no longer an ugly duckling (it 's has in fact never been a duck), but it became a beautiful swan. In the end it is love more than all and becomes more beautiful than ever.
We can speak of Bildungsroman, even initiatory story about The Ugly Duckling, which shows how children grow up, must learn to know himself and accept himself as he is, even if his those around him refer to himself in a negative and do not help to develop self-esteem.
The NSPCC is an organism and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapprove by her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!
On this picture we can see the men in front of moulds on a human scale which their head is square. However there is one man whose head is round. Thus it is different and is staring by people around him.
To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is packed in boxes, that is to say that when we are different, we can not live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. They are an outcast from society!



Et il reste la BD:

1. Oh how nice that she came to listen me.
2. What does it say? I play just for fun, to amuse myself and pass the time. I don't want to become a pianist. Whatever! Anyway ...
3. I think that she takes the wrong sow by the ear!
4. When it is gone we can't stop her. A real chatter box! She asks too many questions... It gets boring at length.
5. Uh she dreams and I don't want to get married her. We are only twelve! She jokes...
6. I would surmise this question! That takes the cake! She! My girlfriend! Ever...
7. I give up! I pack and go! Bye...


Merci d'avance.


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 03-06-2010 à 21:30:41 (S | E)
Hello! Let's work on this in parts, shall we? That way I won't put in a lot of effort without any response on your part.

When The Ugly Duckling is born, it does not look like his brothers and sisters in the brood. Rejected by all[,] because of different physical (adjectif) [mot manquant], he was forced to leave his "family" and go away, never to suffer their ridicule and beatings.

[] supprimer

Generally, when we are narrating stories not set in the present time, we use the past tense:

When "The Ugly Duckling" was born, he did not look like... etc.

In the English translation of the story, the pronoun "he" is used. You should be consistent throughout your summary by using "he" and "his" instead of "it" and "its".
-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 03-06-2010 21:32


Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 03-06-2010 à 21:47:20 (S | E)
When The Ugly Duckling was born, he did not look like his brothers and sisters in the brood. Rejected by all because of a different physique, he was forced to leave his "family" and went away, never to suffer their ridicule and beatings. On his way he met people don't really agree either. One day, however, dazzled by the beauty of swans, The Ugly Duckling decided to go to them and realized, looking at himself in the water, he was no longer an Ugly Duckling (he had in fact never been a duck), but he became a beautiful swan. In the end he was love more than all and became more beautiful than ever.


-------------------
Modifié par splash le 03-06-2010 21:52


Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 03-06-2010 à 22:44:49 (S | E)
J'ai refait quelques modifications:

1. Oh how nice that she came to listen me.
2. What does she say? I play just for fun, to amuse myself and pass the time. I don't want to become a pianist. Whatever! Anyway ...
3. I think that she takes the wrong sow by the ear!
4. When she's gone we can't stop her. A real chatter box! She asks too many questions... It gets boring at length.
5. Uh she dreams and I don't want to get married her. We are only twelve! She jokes...
6. I would surmise this question! That takes the cake! She! My girlfriend! Ever...
7. I give up! I pack and go! Bye...


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 04-06-2010 à 00:14:02 (S | E)
Hello, very good work. Some additional corrections:

When The Ugly Duckling was born, he did not look like his brothers and sisters in the brood. Rejected by all because of a different physique, he was forced to leave his "family" and went away, never to suffer their ridicule and beatings. On his way he met people don't really agree either (others who ridiculed him also?).

Your original sentence was too long, so I shortened it:

One day, however, dazzled by the beauty of the swans, The Ugly Duckling decided to go to them. As he looked at himself in the water, he realized he was no longer an Ugly Duckling. He had, in fact, never been a duck at all: He became had become a beautiful swan.

In the end he was loved more than all the others and became more beautiful than ever.





Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 04-06-2010 à 00:24:37 (S | E)
Hello!

I can't make any sense out of the BD part. #1 seems OK, but the others don't make logical sense because they are all strung together.

You should post the original French so that we can help you to correct the translation, grammar and punctuation.



Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 05-06-2010 à 00:29:07 (S | E)
Hello!
First thank you for this help. Nice!

So the same text with the corrections:


When The Ugly Duckling was born, he didn't look like his brothers and sisters in the brood. Rejected by all because of a different physique, he was forced to leave his "family" and went away, never to suffer their ridicule and beatings. On his way he met others who ridiculed him also. One day, however, dazzled by the beauty of the swans, The Ugly Duckling decided to go to them. As he looked at himself in the water, he realized he was no longer an Ugly Duckling. He had, in fact, never been a duck at all: he had become a beautiful swan. In the end he was love more than all and became more beautiful than ever.
We can speak of Bildungsroman, even initiatory story about The Ugly Duckling, which shows how children grow up, must learn to know himself and accept himself as he is, even if his those around him refer to himself in a negative and do not help to develop self-esteem.
The NSPCC is an organism and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapprove by her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!
On this picture we can see the men in front of moulds on a human scale which their head is square. However there is one man whose head is round. Thus it is different and is staring by people around him.
To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is packed in boxes, that is to say that when we are different, we can not live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. They are an outcast from society!


It's correct? For the comic doesn't matter.
Thanks for all!


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 05-06-2010 à 02:43:55 (S | E)
We can speak of Bildungsroman, even initiatory story about The Ugly Duckling, which shows how children grow up, must learn to know himself and accept himself as he is, even if his those around him refer to himself in the negative and do not help to develop the self-esteem.


The very beginning needs more work. What are you trying to say? Maybe you could say it in French so I'll have a better idea.

If you use "children", then the rest of the sentence should be in the plural. Otherwise, you should use the word "child":

...which shows how a child grows up and must learn to know himself...etc.
...which shows how children grow up and must learn to know themselves...etc.

The NSPCC is an organism and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl is sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapprove by her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!
On this picture we can see the men in front of moulds molds on a human scale which their head is square. However there is one man whose head is round. Thus it is different and is staring by people around him.
To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is packed in boxes, that is to say that when we are different, we can not (one word not two) live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. They are an outcast from society!

disapprove = the expression in English is "to disapprove of". In this instance, the verb should be in the past tense.

packed in boxes = I don't think this is quite the right expression. You can say instead "everyone is put in boxes"

on a human scale... What do you want to say here?

There are men in moulds and all of their heads are square? Human scale, do you mean literally a "scale" as in something that shows your weight?

Amicalement et bon courage.
-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 05-06-2010 02:45



Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 05-06-2010 à 14:30:48 (S | E)
Hey! A new correction :

We can speak of Bildungsroman, even initiatory story about The Ugly Duckling (the french for this sentence is : On peut parler de récit de formation, voire de récit initiatique à propos du Vilain Petit Canard), which shows how children grow up, must learn to know themself and accept themself as they are, even if theirs those around them refer to themself in a the negative and do not help to develop the self-esteem.
The NSPCC is an organisation and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl is sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapproved of her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!
On this picture we can see men whose their head are square. They are facing moulds in the shape of human but the moulds have a square head. In this big-human plant, the men are did on an assembly line and they are all same. However, there is a manufacturing defect about an individual because he has a round head. On account of this difference he is stared at the peopole around him. This big-human plant approaches our world in which all must be perfect. A freaky world!
To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is put in boxes, that is to say that when we are different, we can't live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. This people are an outcast from society!

Bye!


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 05-06-2010 à 19:21:35 (S | E)
Hello! Almost there!

We can see the story of the Ugly Duckling as a type of Bildungsroman or "story of formation", which shows how children grow up and must learn to know themself (use plural form of this word) and accept themself (plural) as they are, even if theirs those around them refer to them in a the negative negatively and do not help to develop their self-esteem.

The NSPCC is an organisation and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl is sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapproved of by her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!

On this picture we can also see men whose their heads are square. They are facing moulds in the shape of a human but the moulds have a square head. In this big-human plant, the men are did on an assembly line and they are all same. However, there is a manufacturing defect about an with one individual because he has a round head. On account of this difference he is stared at by the peopole around him. This big-human plant approaches signifies our world in which all must be perfect the same. A freaky world!

To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is put in boxes. That is to say that when we are different, we can't live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. This means people are an outcast from society!


Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 05-06-2010 à 19:59:58 (S | E)
Hello!

We can see the story of the Ugly Duckling as a type of Bildungsroman or "story of formation", which shows how children grow up and must learn to know themselves and accept themselves as they are, even if those around them refer to them negatively and do not help to develop their self-esteem.

The NSPCC is an organisation and its vision is still to end cruelty to children in the UK. On this picture the little girl is sad-looking and she's only on her bed. She's very likely disapproved of by her family and she's put on one side as The Ugly Duckling. Stop child abuse!

On this picture we can also see men whose heads are square. They are facing moulds in the shape of a human but the moulds have a square head. In this big-human plant, the men are on an assembly line and they are all same. However, there is a manufacturing defect with one individual because he has a round head. On account of this difference he is stared at by the men around him. This big-human plant signifies our world in which all must be the same. A freaky world!

To conclude we can say that we live in a world where everyone is put in boxes. That is to say that when we are different, we can't live in the same society, in the same world and we are therefore sidelined. This means people are outcast from society!

It's correct?
Can we made the comic?
See you later!


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 05-06-2010 à 21:22:43 (S | E)
Hello-

...big-human plant, the men are on an assembly line and they are all the same.

Everything else looks OK to me.

Post the French words for the comic so I can help you with the translation.




Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 06-06-2010 à 01:42:03 (S | E)
Thank you for the final correction! And yet the comic:

1. Oh how nice that she came to listen to me.
2. What does she say? I play just for fun, to amuse myself and pass the time. I don't want to become a pianist. Whatever! Anyway ...
3. I think that she takes the wrong sow by the ear!
4. When she's gone we can't stop her. A real chatter box! She asks too many questions... It gets boring at length.
5. Uh she dreams and I don't want to get married her. We are only twelve! She jokes...
6. I would surmise this question! That takes the cake! She! My girlfriend! Ever...
7. I give up! I pack and go! Bye...


1. Oh c'est gentil qu'elle soit venue m'écouter.
2. Mais de quoi me parle-t-elle? Je joue simplement pour mon plaisir, pour me distraire et faire passer le temps. Je ne veux pas devenir pianiste. Bref...
3. Je pense qu'elle se met le doigt dans l'œil jusqu'à l'omoplate!
4. Lorsqu'elle est parti, on ne peux plus l'arrêter. Un vrai moulin à parole. Elle se pose trop de questions..... ça devient barbant à la fin.
5. Euh, là elle rêve et je ne veux pas me marier avec elle, nous n'avons que douze ans! Elle déconne...
6. Je me serais douter se cette question! Elle! Ma copine... jamais!
7. J'abandonne! Je prends mes cliques et mes claques! Salut...

Bye!


Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 06-06-2010 à 03:44:37 (S | E)
Bonjour! En générale, la traduction est bonne. Il faut que vous étudiez la différence entre le présent simple versus le présent continu en anglais et lorsqu'on emploie l'un ou l'autre.

Hello! In general, your translation is good. You should study the difference between the simple present versus the continuous present in English and when to use one or the other.

I wish I could see the pictures...that would help with the context, but alas...

2. What does she say?
What is she saying about me?

3. I think that she takes (p.c.) the wrong sow by the ear!
OR I think she has got the wrong sow by the ear!

4. It gets boring at length.
It gets boring eventually.

5. Uh she dreams (p.c.) and I don't want to get married her (to marry her). We are only twelve! What rubbish...

6. I would surmise this question (I wouldn't be surprised!) ! That takes the cake! Her?!! My girlfriend?! Ever (Never!!)...

7. I give up! I pack and go (I'm packing my bags)! Bye...

p.c. = présent continu

-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 06-06-2010 06:32


Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 06-06-2010 à 12:33:01 (S | E)
Hey!

The first sentence is good?

2. What is she saying about me?
3. I think that she's taking the wrong sow by the ear!
4. It gets boring at length.
5. Uh she's dreaming and I don't want to to marry her. We are only twelve! What rubbish...
6. I wouldn't be surprised! That takes the cake! Her?!! My girlfriend?! Never!
7. I give up! I'm packing my bags! Bye...


It's correct?



Réponse: Child & Comics de notrepere, postée le 06-06-2010 à 15:32:11 (S | E)
Hey yourself! Yes, the first sentence was fine. The only question I have is #4 "at length". I suggested "eventually", but another option is "to no end"?

It gets boring to no end.
It gets boring eventually.

That is all. Good luck with your exercise.


Réponse: Child & Comics de splash, postée le 06-06-2010 à 17:58:49 (S | E)
Re!

For the fourth sentence "It gets boring to no end." it's good!
Thanks for all!


Bye bye and see you soon, may be! ;)




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