<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas
Essay /African country
Message de shan9588 posté le 12-05-2010 à 15:06:55 (S | E | F)
hey Hello everyone,
I'm doing a writting essay, an i woul I would like you to read it and tell me how my text is. I want it to be very good.
Thank you so much.
Introduction :
Democratic Republic of the Congo is a vast Central African country which is beautifully nestled in the Central Africa but is still haunted by violence. Every community in the country has been touched by sexual violence. The victims range from grandmothers to babies and include both men and boys. Gang rape and brutal torture are a daily reality for women living in the North Kivu province, where rape of women and girls is being used as a military strategy. The DRC government must take its responsibility to prevent, punish and eradicate sexual violence.
Paragraph 1
The violence against the women of Congo clearly affects the nation’s economy. For example, food production in Congo is insufficient to meet the country's needs. This is because many women were planters and contributed to the food production but these women no longer go to the field. The reason is because they are too afraid to be raped again and they are so wounded from their attack that they are enable to work. Also, there is a direct relationship between the status of women and the economy of the country. Jeffrey David Sachs is an economist and the founder and co-President of the Millennium Promise Alliance, a nonprofit organization dedicated to ending dedicated to ending hunger. This famous and influential economist, in one of his speech, told the audience : “All societies where women are facing severe discrimination are also economic failures.”. Subsequently, I do believe that government should eradicate sexual violence because it definitely affects the Congo's economy.
Thank you again
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-05-2010 16:30
Message de shan9588 posté le 12-05-2010 à 15:06:55 (S | E | F)
I'm doing a writting essay, an
Thank you so much.
Introduction :
Democratic Republic of the Congo is a vast Central African country which is beautifully nestled in the Central Africa but is still haunted by violence. Every community in the country has been touched by sexual violence. The victims range from grandmothers to babies and include both men and boys. Gang rape and brutal torture are a daily reality for women living in the North Kivu province, where rape of women and girls is being used as a military strategy. The DRC government must take its responsibility to prevent, punish and eradicate sexual violence.
Paragraph 1
The violence against the women of Congo clearly affects the nation’s economy. For example, food production in Congo is insufficient to meet the country's needs. This is because many women were planters and contributed to the food production but these women no longer go to the field. The reason is because they are too afraid to be raped again and they are so wounded from their attack that they are enable to work. Also, there is a direct relationship between the status of women and the economy of the country. Jeffrey David Sachs is an economist and the founder and co-President of the Millennium Promise Alliance, a nonprofit organization dedicated to ending dedicated to ending hunger. This famous and influential economist, in one of his speech, told the audience : “All societies where women are facing severe discrimination are also economic failures.”. Subsequently, I do believe that government should eradicate sexual violence because it definitely affects the Congo's economy.
Thank you again
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-05-2010 16:30
Réponse: Essay /African country de notrepere, postée le 12-05-2010 à 17:44:54 (S | E)
Hello:Très bon travail! Only a couple of errors:
Introduction :
[Definite Article] Democratic Republic of the Congo is a vast Central African country which is beautifully nestled in
Paragraph 1
The violence against the women of Congo clearly affects the nation’s economy. For example, food production in Congo is insufficient to meet the country's needs. This is because many women were planters and contributed to the food production but these women no longer go to the field (plural). The reason is because they are too afraid to be (of being) raped again and they are so wounded from their attack that they are enable (wrong word, unable?) to work. Also, there is a direct relationship between the status of women and the economy of the country. Jeffrey David Sachs is an economist and the founder and co-President of the Millennium Promise Alliance, a nonprofit organization dedicated to ending
Réponse: Essay /African country de shan9588, postée le 12-05-2010 à 20:48:53 (S | E)
Thank you notrepere
<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
