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Correction /heroism
Message de kirikou64 posté le 04-05-2010 à 19:42:03 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Voilà j'ai un "essay" à rendre demain et j'aimeraissavoir connaître mes erreurs s'il vous plaît. Le sujet de mon essai est :
What does the word " heroism" mean to you ?
et ce en 300 mots ..
Je vous laisse lire mon jet :
In my opinion "heroism" is a courageous action . Heroism is when someone does something heroic regardless the danger , making them a hero . Help someone a lot , for example saving their lives or helping through the bad time is an act of heroism .
An act of heroism deserve our recognition and our admiration . An act of heroism is making a positive impact on society and our own life . Someone who makes something like that is a hero .
A hero can also be seen as an idol , someone to look up to , someone to aspire to be like .
Firstly , a soldier can be seen as a hero because they act with brave in order to save their country . Furthermore , fight against terroist attack is an act of heroism because it is in aim to save people from ( From ? ou of ? ) the death .
Secondgly , someone who save another one in a crash car is considerated ( considerate ? ) as a hero because he acts regardless the consequences, one the other hand a fireman achieves a lots of acts regardless the danger . Their behavours ( comment dit-on " examplaire " ? ) .. Most of kids would like to become firemen because they represent the brave and the strenght ( c'est ca qu'on dit pour dire la force ? ) , they aspire to be like too .
As for me , I think that we can find heroism in art in subtle ( comment dit on subtile ? ) way . The painting " Guernica " or the song " We are the world " ( M. Jackson ) and " Heal the world " calls people to make positive acts for our society that is why the are heroic .
To conclude I would say that " heroism " is relative to different people ( je voudrais dire " selon les personnes " mais je sais pas le dire ^^ ) because an act can be seen as "heroic" whereas it can't been seen like that with other persons.
Voilà mon essai , je ne le trouve pas très structuré ( les idées ); de plus je trouve certaines expressions assez répétitives donc si vous avez des tournures de phrases à me proposer qui éviteraient les répétitions j'en serais ravi.
Merci
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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-05-2010 20:47
Message de kirikou64 posté le 04-05-2010 à 19:42:03 (S | E | F)
Bonjour.
Voilà j'ai un "essay" à rendre demain et j'aimerais
What does the word " heroism" mean to you ?
et ce en 300 mots ..
Je vous laisse lire mon jet :
In my opinion "heroism" is a courageous action . Heroism is when someone does something heroic regardless the danger , making them a hero . Help someone a lot , for example saving their lives or helping through the bad time is an act of heroism .
An act of heroism deserve our recognition and our admiration . An act of heroism is making a positive impact on society and our own life . Someone who makes something like that is a hero .
A hero can also be seen as an idol , someone to look up to , someone to aspire to be like .
Firstly , a soldier can be seen as a hero because they act with brave in order to save their country . Furthermore , fight against terroist attack is an act of heroism because it is in aim to save people from ( From ? ou of ? ) the death .
Secondgly , someone who save another one in a crash car is considerated ( considerate ? ) as a hero because he acts regardless the consequences, one the other hand a fireman achieves a lots of acts regardless the danger . Their behavours ( comment dit-on " examplaire " ? ) .. Most of kids would like to become firemen because they represent the brave and the strenght ( c'est ca qu'on dit pour dire la force ? ) , they aspire to be like too .
As for me , I think that we can find heroism in art in subtle ( comment dit on subtile ? ) way . The painting " Guernica " or the song " We are the world " ( M. Jackson ) and " Heal the world " calls people to make positive acts for our society that is why the are heroic .
To conclude I would say that " heroism " is relative to different people ( je voudrais dire " selon les personnes " mais je sais pas le dire ^^ ) because an act can be seen as "heroic" whereas it can't been seen like that with other persons.
Voilà mon essai , je ne le trouve pas très structuré ( les idées ); de plus je trouve certaines expressions assez répétitives donc si vous avez des tournures de phrases à me proposer qui éviteraient les répétitions j'en serais ravi.
Merci
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-05-2010 20:47
Réponse: Correction /heroism de ricou81, postée le 05-05-2010 à 09:27:01 (S | E)
Bonjour, c'est sans doute trop tard mais voici rapidement quelques remarques
attention entre les correspondances singulier-pluriel : tu écris someone does (sing) et tu suis avec them (pluriel)
même chose plus loin avec a soldier suivi par because they - their (pluriel)
autrement most of kids, strength, in a subtle, call s, they are heroic
si quelqu'un peut prendre le relais
bonne continuation
Réponse: Correction /heroism de kirikou64, postée le 05-05-2010 à 13:50:39 (S | E)
En effet , je viens de lire ta réponse trop tard .
Mais merci beaucoup Ricou81
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