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Prétérit/ Queen Victoria's reign
Message de coffeetea posté le 07-03-2010 à 14:45:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois écrire un texte en anglais au prétérit parlant de la vie d' un enfant au XIXème siecle.
Je voudrais vous demander si vous pouvez effectuer quelques corrections sur mon texte : éviter les répétitions, effectuer des retouches de style, faire des corrections : verbes, grammaire, conjugaison. Rajouter,supprimer des éléments.
Merci pour votre aide..
My story begins during Queen Victoria reign in the nineteenth century. It was the time of the nineteenth century. It was the time of the new means of transportation like railways, Britain developed and became one of richest countries in the world. So, the rich became richer now and poor men and women had to work like slave in factories... It was also the time of the child labour.
In the narrow streets of London town, Lisa lived in a cesspit with her large family. Lisa was poor. She was ten years old and she wasn't very tall.She had blue eyes, brown straight hair. She had one dream : go to school butshe couldn't.
Her father was an alcoholic who beat his wife. He was an useless, a rude, a pathetic man. Her mother became mad at the death of her new born. She spent her days to cry.Lisa had three sisters and two brothers. They were shabbily dressed, they didn't eat one's fill. They lived in the dark side of London town where people were starving, where people lived in poverty.
Lisa became a beggar to feed her family. Nobody gave money to her even if she was young, poor and alone. Everyone thought :" that matter will take care of itself". They let her but Lisa wasn't the only one in this case. Many children were poor, many children had to work and couldn't go to school.
So,Lisa swept streets and stole some food but she didn't receive a lot of money so she decided to work in a coal mine.
Everyday, she came close to death. She had to carry heavy stones, she had to double up her body to go through little passages at a depth of 300 meters. During her work, she could breathe noxious smokes.
But one day, when she was carrying stone, a firedamp explodes. Lisa died in this tragical accident. Did someone care about her death? Nobody knex her existence. Nobody cried. Nobody buried her. She died alone and her death changed nothing in this crual world.
Nobody helped her but now it is too late, she is in the sky, in a better place.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-03-2010 16:14
Nous ne corrigeons que le texte que nous voyons.
Message de coffeetea posté le 07-03-2010 à 14:45:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois écrire un texte en anglais au prétérit parlant de la vie d' un enfant au XIXème siecle.
Je voudrais vous demander si vous pouvez effectuer quelques corrections sur mon texte : éviter les répétitions, effectuer des retouches de style, faire des corrections : verbes, grammaire, conjugaison. Rajouter,supprimer des éléments.
Merci pour votre aide..
My story begins during Queen Victoria reign in the nineteenth century. It was the time of the nineteenth century. It was the time of the new means of transportation like railways, Britain developed and became one of richest countries in the world. So, the rich became richer now and poor men and women had to work like slave in factories... It was also the time of the child labour.
In the narrow streets of London town, Lisa lived in a cesspit with her large family. Lisa was poor. She was ten years old and she wasn't very tall.She had blue eyes, brown straight hair. She had one dream : go to school butshe couldn't.
Her father was an alcoholic who beat his wife. He was an useless, a rude, a pathetic man. Her mother became mad at the death of her new born. She spent her days to cry.Lisa had three sisters and two brothers. They were shabbily dressed, they didn't eat one's fill. They lived in the dark side of London town where people were starving, where people lived in poverty.
Lisa became a beggar to feed her family. Nobody gave money to her even if she was young, poor and alone. Everyone thought :" that matter will take care of itself". They let her but Lisa wasn't the only one in this case. Many children were poor, many children had to work and couldn't go to school.
So,Lisa swept streets and stole some food but she didn't receive a lot of money so she decided to work in a coal mine.
Everyday, she came close to death. She had to carry heavy stones, she had to double up her body to go through little passages at a depth of 300 meters. During her work, she could breathe noxious smokes.
But one day, when she was carrying stone, a firedamp explodes. Lisa died in this tragical accident. Did someone care about her death? Nobody knex her existence. Nobody cried. Nobody buried her. She died alone and her death changed nothing in this crual world.
Nobody helped her but now it is too late, she is in the sky, in a better place.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-03-2010 16:14
Nous ne corrigeons que le texte que nous voyons.
Réponse: Prétérit/ Queen Victoria's reign de ricou81, postée le 09-03-2010 à 11:55:35 (S | E)
Queen Victoria's reign
-supprimer : It wasthe time of the nineteenth century
-the time of new means of transportation
-London et pas London town
-he was a useless, rude ...
Bon courage
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